Let's Talk About Sex Baby
by postitdempsey
Summary: Meredith Grey was no angel; in fact she was quite the opposite depending on who you might ask for an opinion of her personality. She remained closed off as friendships and relationships were just road bumps getting in the way of her prestigious career However her views on life begin to change once the feisty blonde begins fooling around with the head of neurosurgery
1. Grab your pants and get out 1

_Medusa_

It just so happened to be the wicked nickname most of the staff around the hospital gave the cold hearted surgeon; Meredith Grey. In her defense, she hadn't always been such a poisonous prick. In fact Meredith actually used to be the _positive_ one around Seattle Grace. There had never been a reason for the slender blonde to be so dark and twisty; well besides her abandonment issues thanks to both of her parents.

Her change in attitude was unknown to everyone at the workplace; which is just how Meredith intended keeping it. The fear of her dark and twisty secrets spilling out were far too terrifying for the woman to even digest. Besides, she had absolutely no room in her life for anything other than her career. It was the only thing in her life in which she could withhold all of her trust in.

Well her career and sex life that is.

* * *

 _Meredith felt she would absolutely explode if her sexual desire wasn't fulfilled soon. The blonde assumed she'd be able to distract her need by hurrying herself into her surgeries; cutting things open happened to be a nice distraction when all kinds of things had been piling their way up inside her mind. However it didn't suffice the aching desire she felt between her legs._

 _The woman refused to connect herself in any sort of relationship as she felt boyfriends and husbands were a damn waste of time and energy. Besides_ _ **the Meredith Grey**_ _didn't need a man in her life to make her whole and happy, nothing could do that. However having a personal,_ _ **sex toy**_ _wouldn't be so bad._

 _Unfortunately, Meredith was far too antisocial to know anyone outside the hospital considering she lived there, practically. Yet every man in the damn building was well aware of her behavior and didn't dare to communicate in any way with the blonde. She was storming the halls on one particular Thursday afternoon, it was raining_ _ **again**_ _and Meredith was trolling for cases as her desire was becoming incredibly hard to control._

 _"Here comes Medusa." Murmured an intern, quickly turning down a corner with a couple others as they were in no mood to deal with her wrath. Practically the entire hallway cleared out within seconds; with the exception of Derek Shepherd._

 _The man was the only person too scared of Meredith to actually call her any names or flee from her existence as he'd heard multiple rumors of the awful things she did to residents, interns, sometimes even attendings when she got news of someone else talking about her in a negative way. He was a quiet man, even if he had the balls to talk shit about Meredith Grey, he wouldn't get much out. Not that he was_ _ **shy**_ _or_ _ **timid**_ _but the fact he just didn't have_ _ **any**_ _friends at this hospital, or Seattle for that matter. He'd fled the scene back in New York after he realized his private practice was plummeting down the toilet._ _ **'The goddess with great hair'**_ _had only shown up a little over six months ago and immediately he'd wondered if traveling across the country to Seattle was such a swell idea._

 _The only times Derek was ever spoken to was if someone needed a consult or if a nurse was trying to flirt their way into Derek's lane. However he politely turned them down each time, explaining he wasn't looking for a relationship. If it weren't the fact he'd been placed as the head of neurosurgery or the fact he'd gotten away from his overbearing family back in New York, he ultimately would have fled Seattle a couple months ago._

 _Derek was quietly looking over charts, tucked away in a small corner as he saw Dr. Grey approaching in an angry manner._

 _ **"Please don't come over here, please don't come over here."**_ _Derek pleaded in his head, trying to calm his nerves as the fiery woman drew closer and closer to his proximity._

 _Meredith growled, clutching her petite fists beside her hips. "God this fucking hospital is useless!" Exclaimed the blonde in a blind rage, snapping her attention to the dark haired man stuffed into a small corner. "You!" Meredith hissed, grasping Derek's attention in a second flat._

 _He cleared his throat, shakily setting the charts down by his side. "Yes, Dr. Grey? Is there something I can help you with?"_

 _Meredith carefully licked her upper lip, taking in the tall glass of sexy standing a few feet away from her._

 _ **"Him, he'd be perfect."**_ _She thought to herself, taking a few steps closer to the man._

 _A sneaky smirk crossed her cheeks, each of her arms enveloping over her chest. "You're Dr. Shepherd, head of the neuro department, correct?_

 _Her tone was ice cold, as if she'd been given frost bite multiple times in one day._

 _"Yes." He replied softly, locking eyes with the green eyed vixen. Meredith clutched the material of his dark navy scrubs into her bony fingers, dragging him down the empty hallway._

 _He gasped lightly, a feeling of fear taking him over. "I-uh where are you taking-"_

 _"Shut the hell up." She interrupted, stopping in front of an on-call room. She yanked open the door, finding two residents all over each other like a couple of horny teenagers. "Get the hell out!" She growled, snatching the attention of the fearful residents._

 _"But-"_

 _"NOW!" Meredith hissed, watching the couple scramble for their clothing, sprinting out of the room like a couple of marathoners. The woman turned, yanking her tall drink of a man by the sleeve of his lab coat into the room._

 _Derek felt a gnawing sensation down in the pit of his gut, hearing the door of the on-call room lock after he was rudely pushed against one of the bunk beds. "Dr. Grey what's going on? I have-"_

 _Suddenly he was being slapped across the face, a faint whimper escaping his lips. Never in his entire had he been treated with such disrespect. "I thought I told you to shut the hell up?" Her comment seemed to send Derek over the roof as he was beginning to lose his patience with Seattle Grace's meanest and most terrifying doctor around. "Look, I need a_ _ **personal**_ _favor from you."_

 _Derek's brow scrunched in confusion. What the_ _ **hell**_ _did Meredith Grey_ _ **want**_ _from_ _ **him**_ _? "I-I don't understand." He croaked, watching as her lab coat dropped on the plastic chair behind her._

 _Meredith quickly pulled the elastic holding her hair up out, shaking her head softly to manage her head of blonde tresses. The woman's bangs fell against her face, partially covering her green irises._

 _"I haven't had sex in a really,_ _ **really**_ _long time. I feel like I might explode if I hear one more damn idiot from this hospital have a screaming orgasm from another one of these on-call rooms."_

 _Suddenly Derek felt nauseou_ s. _**"Oh no, oh no, no, no..."**_ _Derek thought to himself, shaking as he knew what was to come next from her mouth. "What does that have to do with me?" He asked, raking his right hand through his raven curls._

 _Meredith chewed her bottom lip, rolling her eyes as if Dr. Shepherd was by far the most ignorant man she'd ever met. "God damn it you're an idiot, how did you ever become the head of neurosurgery?"_

 _"Well Richard-"_

 _"I don't need a damn play-by-play." She clutched the hem of her dark scrubs, pulling the top over her head. The garment fell to the floor quickly, suddenly a pile forming. "You. You are going to help me out with my little problem."_

 _Derek's bright blue eyes grew wide, his lips creating an oval shape as he prepared to protest against her wishes. "Oh no, I can't be-"_

 _"Oh shut it! You act as if I picked you because I just find you oh so_ _ **attractive**_ _." She hissed, stripped her socks away leaving her in a laced bra and scrub pants, in which she was prepared to slip off. "I picked you because I know you're an_ _ **antisocial freak**_ _who doesn't have a wife or a girlfriend. To me, you look the same as every other pathetic doctor in this joint." Her pants shed to the floor and her narrow legs were now out in the open to Derek's eyes._

 _He hadn't meant to gawk at her body, hell he hadn't meant to stay in a confined space with Meredith for longer than thirty seconds, yet here he was. "How can you not be sexually frustrated?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest._

 _Derek's lips parted as if he were going to respond, but of course Meredith quickly shut him off. "I don't need an answer considering I already know." She snorted softly._

 _"So what, you want me to be your sex slave or something?" Derek interjected, feeling her fingers tug his lab coat away._

 _"Precisely, maybe you aren't as stupid as I thought." She lifted his scrub shirt, standing on her very tip toes just to get it off and over his head. Meredith glanced over his naked upper half, licking her lips in satisfaction. It wasn't his looks she was after, hell he could have been the ugliest man on earth and she still would be taking him for a ride just so that her thirst could be quenched. However the good looks were quite the bonus and she could feel her core becoming moist. "There are some rules though." She murmured. "This isn't anything besides_ _ **sex**_ _. We will not associate with another unless_ _ **I**_ _have agreed to endure sexual intercourse with you. There will be no foreplay or role playing for that matter. No trying to call me cutesy names such as; baby, love, sweetie, honey, etcetera. There will be_ _ **absolutely no cuddling**_ _ **afterword**_ _. I don't even want to hear the word 'spoon' leave your damn mouth. Once I orgasm it's over and done. You'll grab your pants and get out! Are we clear Dr. Shepherd?"_

 _The man was truly flabbergasted, unable to conjure words or phrases as he took in the woman's long request. Damn, he hadn't even fully agreed to doing this and she was already setting down rules. "Well what about me?" He questioned, watched his pants fall to a heap by his ankles. "How come I don't get to, ya know, come but you do?"_

 _Meredith groaned, rolling her eyes. "God you're so whiny." She retorted. "You can have your precious sexual high, I'm not that cruel." She turned away from him, unclasping her bra before allowing it to clash against the cold floor below their feet. "Oh, and I'd prefer if we didn't call each other by our first names." The blonde whirled around, giving Derek a full few of her naked upper half. "So refer to me as Dr. Grey, and Dr. Grey only."_

 _Derek huffed, feeling himself become hard just at the sight of Meredith. She wasn't even fully naked and suddenly he was already conjuring up multiple dirty images in his brain of what he'd like to be doing to her. "Hello?" Meredith quipped, snapping her fingers rapidly in front of his eyes. "Hurry up and get naked, I'm the head of general surgery I don't have all day." He hadn't even realized she'd already ditched her panties._

 _The man gulped, shoving his tight black boxers down his thighs allowing them to drop down to her ankles. Dr. Grey's brows raised at the sight of him fully naked, feeling sufficed as she crawled onto the bottom bunk, laying flat as she awaited Dr. Shepherd._

 _"I don't have a um, condom." Derek whispered, suddenly a rubber being thrown his way._

 _"Don't ask why I had that." She hurriedly stated. "Now get down here, I'm in no mood to wait any longer." Truthfully Derek had no idea why on earth he was obeying her commands, he couldn't tell if it was the fact he was terrified of her or the fact she looked so damn hot laying on that bed._

 _Either way, he slipped on top of her, tangling his fingers into her hair. He began to plant several kisses along her collarbone, only to receive a slap on the ass. "I said no foreplay!" She growled._

 _Derek lifted his head, gritting his teeth together slowly. "Sorry, Dr. Grey." He sighed, holding himself up just before connecting their bodies._

 _"Fuck." Meredith whined, rolling her eyes back as the empty feeling she'd had in her gut disappeared within seconds. The blonde was truly at bliss, feeling nothing but a wave of pleasure come over her small frame. "Dr. Shepherd..." she murmured, yanking her fingers through his ravenous locks._

 _Derek couldn't help but feel even more turned on as the woman below him murmured his professional name. It sounded so sexy as the word_ _ **Shepherd**_ _rolled off her tongue. For a moment the man had forgotten about the 'no foreplay' rule as foreplay was truly his specialty when it came to being with a woman. He enjoyed caressing and holding, having his lips meeting every inch of the woman's body._

 _Unfortunately, Dr. Shepherds miniature fantasy of his lips over Dr. Grey's belly was cut short as he felt Meredith slap his face once again. "You are so ignorant." She groaned, pushing her pelvis upward to increase her amount of joy. "N-No foreplay." Suddenly her words became pants._

 _Meredith's breaths became short and her body began to tense. Suddenly the world was gone and the blonde beauty was floating on cloud nine as everything turned a blur. "Oh god." She whispered shakily, a burst of pleasure taking her over. She was so involved with her orgasm that she hadn't even noticed Derek's hands caressing her body. Oh hell it didn't even matter what the hell he was doing, what mattered was that she was having a mind blowing high and she never wanted to come back down._

 _Undoubtedly, Meredith floated right back to earth, beads of sweat covering her body just as Derek finished as well. She heard a sigh roll of the mans tongue as he flopped next to her like a fish out of water. The two took a few moments to catch their breath, each of them trying to process what the fuck just happened._

 _Suddenly a pager broke them away from their trance, each of them scurrying out of the small bed to find who's pager was going off._

 _"It's mine." Meredith sighed, rushing over to her pile of discarded clothing. Derek sat naked against the edge of the bed, running a hand through his sweaty hair._

 _"So, um," Derek started, "I guess I'll see you later?" Meredith quickly turned to face him, pulling her lab coat over her shoulders._

 _"Sure, why not." The woman fixated her hair back into a messy pony tail, swinging the door open before hurrying out and leaving Derek all alone in the on-call room._

* * *

Now the couple lay in a similar position only a month later, panting their heads off after they'd just completely a second round of mind boggling sex. "I don't have time for a third." The woman quickly sat up, brushing her hair back behind her ear. Surprisingly, it had been quite easy to get away with their sneaky little game; no one would ever expect the quiet neuro guy and loud mouthed bitch of a general surgeon to ever have a thing going on.

"Yeah, okay." Derek sighed, laying against his side as he watched Meredith dress back into her scrubs. He'd still never talked back to Dr. Grey, nor did he disobey her rules again. He'd learned the hard way the first time and enjoyed not being slapped in the face every time he didn't do as told. Normally people used spanking as a foreplay technique however when Meredith Grey used it, she was just being a real bitch and nothing more.

Derek finally managed to yank himself off of the small bed, trotting over to his neatly stacked pile of clothing set by the door. "Are you free tonight?" Meredith quipped, pulling Derek's attention away from his scrub pants.

"I suppose." He answered softly, gazing into her green eyes. He was expecting her to suggest dinner or to have an actual conversation, however he was relieved when neither of those suggestions crept out her mouth as he was still mortified of her in every way possible.

"We could have a quickie, I have to head home tonight unfortunately, not that it's any of your business." She watched while he finished clothing himself.

"Okay." He agreed, giving her a small smile.

She crinkled her nose, giving him a disgusted look as he smiled. "Don't smile at me." She barked, shoving past him to make her way out of the small room. Derek sighed, waiting precisely six minutes before leaving the room himself, as he was told by Dr. Grey to do so.


	2. Lonely Shepherd 2

As usual, Derek was settled at a secluded table near the back of the crowded hospital cafeteria during lunch. It was times such as this one he found himself grateful Dr. Grey was in no mood to do the deed. He had been 'sexed' out and was genuinely tired of being yelled at by a woman almost six years younger than he was.

"Does he not have a single friend?" Cristina Yang questioned, snapping her head in Derek's direction as she watched him look down at his watch. She turned back to her bundle of friends, watching each of them shrug.

"Nope, he sits alone everyday." Commented Alex Karev, just before gnawing down a handful of fries.

Cristina rolled her eyes at the sight, craning her attention back over to the man who seemed to be finishing up his meal. "You know, he's the reason I chose cardio over neuro." She commented to the group of surgeons.

"Yeah right, you've been cardio crazy way before Dr. McQuiet ever arrived. In fact you didn't you say you _hated_ neuro?" Izzie Stevens chimed.

Cristina crinkled her nose up, just before rolling her dark irises back. "Well it's just another reason I hate it!" She protested.

"She's coming!" Screeched an intern from across the room. An expression of fear stroke each and every doctors face in the lunch room; some fleeing the scene and others shoving their noses into sandwiches and salads just so they wouldn't have to make eye contact with the wicked witch.

The entire lunch table watched as April Kepner tried to escape. "Kepner, sit your ass down." Cristina barked, gazing at the red-head as her eyes widened like a deer caught in the headlights.

"B-But-"

"Oh cram it, Medusa isn't going to hurt you." She spat. "Why is everyone so afraid of her anyways? I mean she's basically me except a gazillion times bitchier."

"You have somewhat of a soul." George O'Malley mumbled.

Cristina grunted, swerving her frame toward the cafeteria doors as gasps erupted from numerous individuals. Within a bat of an eyelash, Meredith Grey appeared under the threshold. She seemed to be fuming; then again when was she not? It truly was a rare occasion to find her anywhere near this location, firstly do to the fact she despised everyone in this joint. Secondly, Meredith tended to keep herself busy with cases and consults so normally there was no time to take a break and 'chow down on a meal'.

"She's coming for us!" Hissed April, ducking her head down. "I knew I should have left the room when I had the chance."

"Relax squeaky," Cristina began, "she isn't coming for us. The witch is headed for..." suddenly the doctor was lost for words, just as the rest of table seemed to be.

"Shepherd?!" The group questioned in unison, watching discretely as Meredith Grey began to yell at the dark haired man. Derek Shepherd was the only man who had yet to peeve Meredith Grey off, or so it appeared so to the rest of the hospital staff. The raven-haired man seemed to know just how to work around Meredith's edges; even before their _dirty_ affair began.

The woman was fuming; her hands wailing every which way just before resting each one against her small hips. "When I page you, you're supposed to answer it immediately!"

Her complaints were muffled to the ears trying their hardest to intake the brawl beginning to conjure between _Medusa_ and _Shy Shepherd_. "What would the 'wicked witch of the west' want with him?" Izzie whispered, the same question pondered throughout the rest of the room.

Derek's jaw clenched as Meredith's screeches filled his ear drums. "Dr. Grey-" he began to protest calmly, not wanting to add to the commotion.

"Don't you dare try and reason with me! Now get your ass out of that damn chair!" Her tone was a demanding, cold hearted one. Meredith felt not a single reason to compromise the situation, she was down right _pissed_. Derek quickly realized that if he weren't to get up from his seat and have a chat with Meredith, that soon enough something would slip out of that woman's mouth he sure as hell knew he didn't want to get out.

With a small grunt, Shepherd rose from his seat. He crumpled his lunch into a ball and discarded it into a trashcan just before he was viscously dragged away by the woman.

"You are so incompetent." Meredith murmured, clawing her fingernails against his semi-pale flesh. It was times such as this one he wondered why the hell he endured such torture. Being with Meredith Grey was like standing next to a ticking time bomb. One slip up and everything was to explode. Yet of course, Derek knew his reasons for having not exploded.

The _sex_.

God damn, it was by far the hottest most intense sex he'd ever endorsed throughout a lifetime. Derek had never had any sort of sexual relationship with a woman quite like _Meredith Grey_ , in fact this was his _first_ time having intercourse with another individual that didn't involve attached strings. Although he wasn't allowed any sort of foreplay, Derek couldn't get enough of it. The sexual experience with her was like a _drug_ ; he couldn't get it off it no matter how many times he'd tried. Dreams of Meredith's body strewed throughout Derek's mind during the night, causing a wet dream or an impending erection just waiting to be fulfilled by his _dirty mistress_. Dr. Shepherd couldn't deny that he found Dr. Grey's bitchy attitude almost intriguing. He occasionally screwed his promises of 'no foreplay' simply just to mess with Meredith's mind and result in the petite woman to slap any surface of his exposed flesh.

Unfortunately, the hot sex happened to be the only thing he found intoxicating about her. Just because Meredith's mood in bed was _hot as hell_ didn't mean it was in reality.

"I'm not a sex machine." Derek quipped.

Meredith chortled bitterly, snapping her head back at Mr. McDreamy. "Did I say you were?"

Derek's lips formed an oval, a guttural noise escaping his mouth as he was unaware of how to respond. "Well no," he began. "I just don't _always_ have time to get down and dirty with you."

The blonde snorted, releasing her grip from from the raven-haired man. "Dr. Shepherd, you're the head of neurosurgery. I understand you're busy for Christ sake."

Derek's brow crunched as he listened to the petite woman standing inches away. It was the first time he had _ever_ heard Meredith Grey speak with such reason and compromise. Could there actually be a real heart under all the stone? "You do?" Derek asked carefully, unsure of whether his question would tick her off.

"God, Dr. Shepherd I know not to call you when you're busy doing consults, surgeries, or whatever it is that you do, yet I knew your ass was plopped down in the cafeteria so I paged you. Besides that sandwich you were digesting seemed so awful I did _you_ a favor by hauling you out of there." Her long and narrow fingers latched around Derek's wrist. "Now it's time you do me one." And with a small mischievous smirk, Meredith lead Derek down the long narrow hallway.

She kept watch in case of any patrons roaming the walkway. "Hurry up!" She hissed, yanking him into the empty on-call room.

His ocean blue eyes caught glimpses of Meredith Stripping out of her clothing. Even if she was a viscous, cold hearted, bitch, it hadn't taken away from the fact he found her attractive. Any man could agree that Meredith Grey withheld one _hell_ of a body. Her honey-blonde tresses fell at shoulder length just as she'd ripped the elastic from her hair. A hungry gaze possessed each of her emerald irises, one Derek had become subsequently familiar with. Meredith positioned herself onto a table, just high enough for Derek to creep in between her legs to reach his destination.

"Dr. Grey..." Derek's fingers intertwined throughout Meredith's golden locks, straying his hand in and out of the hair attracted to her head. It was the one action of intimacy she allowed; hair touching. Meredith couldn't explain why or how, but it calmed her even through the hot and dirty sex. A sense of _protection_ as if Derek's fingers entwined with her tresses substituted for some kind of security blanket. The

Derek slid a condom over his iron hard erection, positioning himself in between Meredith's slender legs. "Are you ready?" He mumbled against her hair, his crooked nose brushing against wild strands of honey coated hair.

"When am I not?" She quipped.

Derek chortled at her comment lightly, the pure irony of that statement rolling on in. Meredith was _always_ ready for him. His fingertips brushed lightly against her hips, breathing lightly against her earlobe. They connected instantly, soft eruptions of moans and whines wafted around the on-call room. These moments of enjoyment portrayed almost as some sort of secluded bubble for the couple, leaving them trapped in a world that included only them.

Meredith's toes curled in a whirlwind of pleasure. Her fingers clawing at the back of Derek's mane, tugging his body closer to her own. "Dr. S-Shep-pherd." Her tone stuttered.

"Can I touch..." Derek trailed off quietly, knowing Meredith wasn't big on any kind of feeling or caressing. However, she shook her head. He didn't have to think twice as all those wet dreams he'd had about Meredith; touching her body and holding it in his hands, were becoming a cold hard reality.

His fingers flicked over her chest, caressing each mound gently while he continued to thrust at a rhythmic speed. Meredith's canal began to clench around Derek's member, indicating that within a few moments she'd be howling his name.

"Fuck... me." Meredith groaned.

"I'm trying-"

Derek was cut short as Meredith's nails, scraped into his scalp. Both doctors heads swimming, neither caring enough if anyone heard the cries of pleasure, as they had both been deserted on cloud nine. Meredith's high came in overbearing waves; her petite frame shuttering as the tremors began to settle.

Derek continued to thrust wildly against her canal, desperate to reach his finish. "Holy..." he whined, a gusto of pleasure overtaking him. Meredith's fingers slipped away from Derek's curls, wiping her own loose strands away from her own perspiring skin.

"We should get going." The blonde murmured, sliding off the table her bum had been resting against.

April Kepner had been passing through the walkway, scanning charts as she had a patient to check up on. Her attention was captured by a guttural filled noise; well _noises_ that is. The red-head lifted her head as she assumed a few residents were 'getting it on' in the on-call room as they seemed to be doing frequently.

"Don't any of the people here know how to have some self control?" April ranted to herself, flipping her chart shut before beginning to depart back down the hall. Suddenly the on-call room began to squeak open and Dr. Kepner couldn't help but become curious as to who was having that loud of an orgasm.

April's eyes bugged out as she caught a glimpse of the couple smuggled away in the room. "H-Holy-y..." she began, her fingers slipping as her charts plummeted to the ground. Suddenly her vision compromised as everything around her became a fuzzy blur. Could her eyes possibly be deceiving her? Not a chance, she _knew_ what she saw was real. No doubt about that.

She clumsily grasped her papers, zooming down the hallway in a frantic panic. Should she spill her dangerous little secret? Or should she keep to herself? April felt a lump developing in the pit of her throat. Of course the red-head realized confronting Dr. Grey was a wrong move as she'd most likely make April's life a pure living hell.

 _"Shepherd and Grey. The sky must be falling and pigs must be flying."_ April thought.

* * *

A week or so had passed since April had found out Meredith and Derek were apparently _'fucking each other's brains out'._

It was as if the woman couldn't keep her eyes from following the two surgeons everywhere they went. Yes, it truthfully was none of her business as to what they did in their personal time. However it was Grey, the scariest woman on the planet doing Shepherd. Although April had never had a full conversation with Derek Shepherd, she knew of him and he sure wasn't the type who went after women such as Meredith.

Izzie and April were currently working together on a trauma case; a car that had lost control and toppled over into a building. The crash involved a woman, who seemingly couldn't remember a thing of how or what the car had done to end up inside a small flower shop.

"Am I dying?!" The shouts of terror were vocalized by a young, blonde woman who had been involved with the car crash. A shard of glass from the windshield had plummeted into the woman's scull, cutting into the left side of her brain. It was a damn miracle she was currently awake and stable.

"Ms. Thompson, I assure you everything will be just fine. Seattle Grace has the _best_ surgical team around. You're in very good hands." April confirmed.

Izzie quickly realized this woman's injuries were revolved around her head, indicating neuro would have to be put on the case. "Somebody page Dr. Shepherd!" The blonde quipped.

April felt her insides tightening into several knots, down deep in the pit of her stomach. She hadn't planned on running into Dr. Shepherd anytime soon, especially now that she knew his secrets involving Dr. Grey.

"U-Um, are you sure Shepherd is necessary? I mean she is a _trauma_ case." April stuttered, hoping to change Izzie's mind of the decision she'd piped out moments ago.

The woman's brow crinkled in confusion. "Dr. Kepner, this woman was a shard of glass lodged into her scull. _We_ are not familiar with the skull or brain for that matter. She's no longer a trauma as the majority of her injuries are connected with her head."

The red-head felt panic settling in. _"Oh God."_ Her head was swimming, it felt full and she realized the word vomit would be spewing momentarily if she was set in the same room as Derek.

April quickly swiveled on her heels, "Since this is not longer a trauma case, I'm going to go check the pit to see if any others were injured in the crash." Before Izzie could protest against April's wishes, she had zipped out of the trauma room, making a break for it as she needed to clear her head.

BAMB!

April had plunged right into another attending, her nose coming in contact with their chest.

"Oh God, I-I'm so sorry." The woman hiccuped, lifting her head as she heard a faint, 'It's fine' pipe from the individual she'd crashed into. "No, I should be watching..." she ceased to complete her sentence, making full eye contact with an ocean of blue.

 _Derek Shepherd._

April squeaked, lifting her body away from his as quickly as possible.

"You alright?" Derek asked softly, lifting himself from the musty floor. He dusted himself off, running a hand throughout his ravenous mane.

April stood parallel, lost for words. "Fine." She murmured, swallowing the overbearing lump she'd created in her throat. Within seconds, April had fled the scene. It was in that moment she had realized keeping this secret would be much harder than she could have ever anticipated to keep locked away.

Derek craned his neck, gazing as Dr. Kepner scurried off like a scared little kid on Halloween. "That was... odd." He piped to himself, scratching his head lightly before jogging off to the trauma room, in which he'd been assigned a new case.

"What do we have?" Derek asked, beginning to take the patients vitals. His subordinates pulled out charts, scanning quickly through the information, Dr. Shepherd need.

"Kailey Thompson, twenty-four with a major head trauma. A shard of glass has fractured through her scull." An intern stated, handing the raven haired attending the chart.

His tired eyes scanned over the words, nodding to himself before setting the booklet upon a side table. "Alright, order a head CT." Derek stifled a yawn, his eyelids heavy as he reminisced on the _hot_ and _tiring_ sex he'd just experienced with Meredith. The doctor knew having so much physical activity with Dr. Grey at the hospital could lead to definite consequences, however his libido begged to differ. Even if his mistress had expressed there be no foreplay including; kissing, licking, or sucking the sex the couple had been fully engaged in for a little over five weeks was still _oh so hot._ He could get off within seconds having Meredith around, she certainly was a 'goddess' in the bedroom.

"Tired, Dr. Shepherd?" Dr. Stevens asked, noticing he had yawned multiple times within the last few moments.

"Oh yes of course, I've been on call for a little over forty-two hours and I suppose it's getting to me." He shot the blonde a light smile, heading out the room with the team of nurses.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Hello everyone! Wow I've had a lot of fun writing this story so far, and I'm very excited to get deeper in the plot line. I feel that there are a few things I should go over just to clear up confusion and get you all the main idea of what I'm approaching. Of course this story is an alternate universe as Meredith and Derek didn't meet at a bar and so forth. Everyone I've mentioned thus far; is an attending. I've also decided to include characters such as George and Izzie as I wanted to see them as full blooded surgeons and they are important to the story especially Meredith's background. I'm still unsure of whether I'm adding Addison and Mark into the story as I don't want to over complicate things. I've thought this pretty far in advance but there is always those details you aren't sure of. I know I'm the summary it states Derek is arrogant; which is true however I decided to switch it up just a tad as Derek and well everyone else is terrified of Meredith Grey. I promise, the McDreamy arrogant Derek you all know and love is coming up but you have to give me some time to place everything together. Also, I'm not gonna leave you all in the dark as to why Meredith always has this huge stick up her ass, but that's not until later (; I know this chapter is everywhere but I promise this is where it all kicks in. As for the 'porny' parts of this story, they'll continue to be kind of light until we're a few chapters in and you'll understand what they're more detailed and meaningful. Thank you for coming along for the ride, I'm excited to share this story with you all!


	3. Out in the open 3

Meredith rolled right off Derek's abdomen, just seconds after having another mind boggling orgasm. A sheepish grin stretched from ear to ear as the honey-blonde woman caught her breath. Meredith was purely glowing before craning her head next to the man she'd just shared herself with.

Meredith propped her head against her hand, resting her elbow against the plush of the mattress. Her emerald irises took in the sight of Derek Shepherd resting next to her body. She gazed as his chest rose and fell in even, rapid beats. A slight smirk conquering his features just as his fingers raked through his tangled curls. Derek's eyes fluttered, catching a glimpse of the woman gazing at him.

"What?" Derek asked, running his hands down his face. Meredith huffed, trickling her fingers up his abdomen. Her hand planted against his bicep. Oh how Meredith wanted to ask him the question teetering at the tip of her tongue, however didn't want to send the wrong message as he seemed to confuse her requests _a lot_ of the time. Their fling had been ongoing for a while now; almost hitting the three month marking period. As easy as it had been to get their desire fulfilled in the hospital, it was becoming strategically difficult to maintain their business. It seemed as if _everyone_ was watching them at all times and quite frankly it got on Meredith's nerves more than she could have ever imagined. She couldn't think of one damn reason as to why she wanted to keep Derek Shepherd all to herself, but she did know it gave her a sick feeling thinking about him having sex with any other woman in this hospital.

Meredith swiped the thought away from her mind; she _should not_ be thinking of Derek in that way. She knew _subconsciously_ that the only reason for thoughts such as that were for the fact Derek truly gave her the most amazing highs of her life. Nothing else about him was appealing to her, then again she _barely_ knew anything about him.

"I, uh," she paused, "never mind." Meredith sat up, keeping the beige sheet wrapped around her naked body. She could definitely see Derek giving her an off look, normally _he_ was the one scared to ask the questions. "Don't look at me like that!" Meredith hissed, the bitterness of her tone returning.

She slipped off the bed, scurrying across the room. "Meredith," Derek began.

"I thought I said to not call me by my first name." She quipped, slipping her trousers up toward her thin waist.

Derek's eyes drifted to an indigo, seeming to be quite flustered with Meredith. It certainly wasn't easy to put up with her attitude; one minute she's fine and the next she's back to being _Medusa_. In the last three months he'd spent 'fucking' Meredith Grey, it wasn't hard to piece together she ultimately had commitment issues. Not that Derek was looking for a relationship from her, however he expected some respect in the sense they were spending a majority of their time together. "Sorry, _Dr. Grey_ for inconveniencing you."

Meredith snapped her head to Derek's general vicinity. "Do not get smart with me!" She taunted her skinny finger at his face. "You know the damn rules Dr. Shepherd. Do you ever hear me calling you _**Derek**_?" His name rolled off her tongue like butter, the purr of a kitten, the hum of an airplane gliding peacefully through the sky.

And Derek, oh how he _wanted_ to hear her say it again.

Suddenly he was lost in a daze, drowning in a fantasy world as he listened to his imaginary Meredith utter his name time after time against his ear. It had began to occur more often than less now, the miniature day dreams of Meredith performing things he ached for her to do in reality. A few weeks ago, Derek would have laughed at himself for imagining Meredith in that sense, as something more than his personal _mistress_. Yet here he was, even when she was bitching at him, dreaming up a Meredith **_that wanted him_** **_too_**. Derek wasn't sure if he was just caught up in the lust of his whirlwind affair or if he truly, deeply, felt something for this woman. Derek's head was swimming, too many thoughts conducting his brain.

"Did you hear me?" Meredith's tone pricked Derek's ears, grasping his attention back into reality.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry." He sighed, fidgeting with his the dark hairs coating his chest. "Yes I understand, I won't refer to you by your initial name." She'd conquered him once again, zero for Derek and a gazillion for Meredith.

Her face softened, her figure releasing some of the tension that had risen. "I think we're going to get caught." Meredith sighed, a dip in the tufted mattress forming as she planted next to a _very_ naked Derek. Instantly she could spot the immediate look of disappointment embody his facial structure and it couldn't help but make her feel almost bad for him.

 _"Stop thinking of him as something other than a personal sex toy."_ Meredith's conscience scolded.

"No," she started, "not stop having sex with each other. I just think that since we are doing it so much in the hospital people are going to become suspicious of us, ya' know?" Meredith could spot the tension decrease almost simultaneously when she'd clarified for him. "I uh, know this is probably going against some I rule I conjured up, but maybe we could start doing it at our houses. I mean it just seems safer that way."

Derek certainly hadn't expected that to spill out of Meredith's mouth. In fact it was probably the most calm and normal conversation she'd ever shared with Derek and it made him feel _damned_ good too. "Yeah, yeah definitely." He agreed, curling his fingers around his knee caps. "When would be a good time for you?" The conversation welled on as if they were planning on what time to meet for dinner on an awkward first date. Yet they'd be having sex and sex only instead of sitting parallel from one another, eating a corny Italian dinner as cheesy romantic music echoed throughout the room. Derek didn't deny the thought crossed his mind on occasion.

 _What would a date with a Meredith Grey be like?_

"I don't have any surgeries planned for tonight and I'm not on-call." She replied, pushing her long, golden tresses into a ponytail as she awaited Derek's response.

"Tonight is, good. Your house?"

Meredith nodded rather slow, the edge of her lip curving. "My place. I can let you know the address if you're unfamiliar with the neighborhood."

Derek shot Meredith a small smile before rising from the bed to grab his clothes that had been strewn around the room. His mind was swarming like bees in a hive. He would be going to Meredith Grey's house, meeting her somewhere outside of this hospital. "Goodbye, Dr. Shepherd." She quipped, exiting the on-call room.

Meredith released a long and heavy sigh, an overbearing weight lifting itself off her shoulders. She must have been in some other world or just not looking ahead, but just moments after turning the corner down a hallway, Meredith managed to bump into April Kepner.

A slew of papers and documents blanketed the hospital floor, crowding both of the women's feet. "I-I.." April stuttered. She knew all about Grey and Shepherd, meaning she could most likely assume where Meredith had just come from and that made April's stomach twist into a million knots.

"Watch where you're headed Dr. Kepner!" April could feel chills running down her spine just listening to Meredith's icy tone. "I'm very busy I don't have time to stand here and help you pick up your slop. Get your head out of your ass." Meredith snatched the (now crumpled) papers off the floor, shoving them into April's arms with an exasperated huff.

The red-head could feel her blood coiling within her veins. Oh how she wanted to confront Meredith. Shame her for being such a lying whore. April wanted to scream it to the whole world for a matter of fact.

 _"DR. GREY IS SCREWING DR. SHEPHERD EVERYBODY!"_

It would certainly teach Medusa a damned lesson too. "Maybe you should watch where you're going." Before April could stop herself, the words flew out of her mouth like a waterfall. _"Oh no."_

"Dr. Grey, that was uncalled for I'm-"

Meredith interrupted her apology, craning her neck back toward April who seemed to be quivering with fear. "No, I should have been watching as well. Sorry." This time her tone lighter, _delicate_ , and not nearly as harsh and bitter. April's eyes followed Meredith as she escaped down the long walkway and for a moment, she thought that maybe Meredith's heart wasn't as small and cold as she'd known it to be.

* * *

"I heard you had quite the encounter with Medusa earlier." Cristina Yang chimed. The Korean woman plopped down next to April on the couch in the Attending's lounge, her weight sinking into the leather.

April kept focus on the cases she was sifting through, "yeah." She mumbled absentmindedly. A faint murmur of the coffee pot rumbled throughout the room, purring steadily as the awkward and uncomfortable silence wafted within the area.

"Oh come on Kepner, I want details! Did she try and turn you to stone?" Cristina chortled, almost a snort.

"She didn't **do** anything." She snapped back, her tone as eager as if she were to be having a route-canal performed at that very moment.

Cristina huffed in annoyance, enveloping her arms beneath her chest loosely. "So nothing? Not even a single hiss?" She couldn't deny the interest in the situation _nor_ would she stop pestering April on the subject.

"God Cristina!" She growled, her nails clawing into the plastic of her chart angrily. "I bumped into her, she told me to watch where I was going!" April was **Not** content with dangling the carrot any longer. In fact she wanted to lay everything to a rest at this point. "I got _upset_ so I told her that maybe **she** should watch where she's going instead." Cristina's eyes widened in shock, mostly due to the fact April had made it back in once piece and not a crumpled puddle skewed through the floors of the hospital.

"You fired _back_?" The amusement in Cristina's tone was just another reason to add onto the long, _long_ , list of why she didn't want to share explicit details of her earlier encounter with Meredith Grey.

April grunted, running her right hand through her vibrant red locks. " _Yes_ , and then she apologized for bumping into me. It's nothing to get your panties in a twist about."

Cristina sat for a moment, diagnosing the situation in her head, mapping out the slew of details April had provided, just enough for a visual image to conjure itself. "So Medusa has soul." Formed as a statement, not so much a question. "Who would have thought." Cristina chuckled quietly.

"It's not a big deal." April shrugged, rising from the warn leather couch. "And you don't need to go around spreading it around, either." She'd hoped that had done the job to keep Cristina's mouth shut, unfortunately she was **quite** the _gossip_ in this place.

"Spreading what around?" Chimed in a voice. Jackson Avery had just entered the lounge, curious about the current topic.

"Kepner stood up to the witch and won." Cristina made it sound like she'd just been awarded a Harper Avery or something. Ironic, considering Jackson's Grandfather was _Harper Avery_.

His speckled green eyes popped open, gawking at April. "Medusa?"

"Yes, Dr. Grey. It's not a big deal I-"

"What's not a big deal." In came another one, _fantastic_!

"Nothing, Izzie!" April hurriedly quipped.

Jackson snorted. "Oh it's _barely_ nothing. She took down Medusa today." Izzie squealed, a hand slapping against her chest in an overdramatic, cheesy movie from 1954 sort of way.

"Oh my, April! You're basically a _legend_!"

"Who's a legend?" God damn it don't **any** of these people have work to do? George, alongside Dr. Callie Torez, the orthopedic _Goddess_ at Seattle Grace, had just trotted into the room, joining the conversation.

"April! Totally knocked the socks off of Dr. Grey today. A living _legend_!" Izzie quickly piped aloud, an exuberant grin stretching across her rosy cheeks.

April growled lowly, _way_ passed **annoyed**. More like **_fuming_**. "JUST SHUT UP! Everyone please for the love of God, shut the hell up!"

"April-" George began to reason.

"NO-"

The door flew open, Derek Shepherd standing in the threshold. It was a rare occasion for him to scavenger to the Attending's lounge. Yet for some reason, he felt up for quaint, awkward conversations about where the Splenda packets were kept for the _coffee_ and how _nice_ the weather was outside. He was in a good mood, scratch that, an **amazing** mood at that. He was heading to Meredith Grey's home to have sex and nothing could bring him down.

Well _karma_ is a damned bitch, for sure. "Dr. Shepherd." April squawked, an overwhelming realm of uncomfortableness settling in. The last time she'd seen him up close and personal such as this, had been the awkward encounter a month ago when plummeting into him like some sort of bulldozer of destruction.

"Am I interrupting?" He asked softly, toying with his fingers as all eyes planted on him. He hated feeling like the elephant in the room, he _always_ felt like that around these people. He wasn't a monster, or a scared little kid who needed some kind of security blanket. Of course he was half at fault for the whole 'no friends in Seattle' thing. Yet it wouldn't kill any of them to stop treating him like a foreign object.

"Oh, no of course not, Dr. Shepherd." Izzie grinned softly. Derek nodded slowly. He could easily sense that Dr. Stevens was lying, he wasn't a _moron_. "Actually," she paused. "You made it to hear the news, Dr. Kepner finally stood some ground, she took Medusa down."

"Dr. Grey." Derek interrupted.

"What?" Izzie coerced.

Derek huffed, snapping his gaze to the long legged blonde planted next to a couple other Attending's. "Her proper name is Dr. Grey, not Medusa. This is a professional place of work and calling her a name such as 'Medusa' isn't professional at all." Each of his arms draped across his chest firmly, staring at Izzie dead on. It was the most _any_ of them had ever heard Derek say and it was one hell of a speech.

The room was deathly quiet, nothing but an uncomfortable silence drifted within the atmosphere. "I-I'm sorry-" Izzie sputtered.

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to Dr. Grey. I'm sure she's familiar with the term all of you use." It felt good to get that off his chest, oh hell it felt _really_ good. Derek shifted, turning to grasp the doorknob of the door, his escape to a world outside this gossip infested room. "By the way," he quipped. "I'm not some wounded lamb, so stop treating me like one." And he exited, smiling to himself as he trotted down the hallway. As they say, a light at the end of a very, dark tunnel.

* * *

 _5:43 PM_

The exact time Meredith's eyes saw before glancing back downward to her patient. She was in the middle of an appi, by far one of the most simple procedures to perform. Of course it seemed as if something so simple was _beneath_ Meredith, however she wasn't one to complain, at least not this night. The appendectomy was quick, which meant she'd be out of here momentarily, heading off to her 'not date' with Derek Shepherd.

"Suction." Meredith quipped, glancing toward an intern who was far more interested in whatever the hell the nurse next to him was whispering into his ear. "Hey!" She snarled, snapping her fingers in an impatient manner. "You're not here to _gossip_ , you're here to be a surgeon! Now your ass isn't a hat, so pull it out and get the hell over here." She wasn't stupid, _far_ from it. She had ears and she listened. Meredith was aware of the nicknames and crude comments spread around about her and normally she wouldn't give a rats ass about what these ignorant morons had to say. However she knew what the juicy gossip was today and she'd wished she _didn't_. It was one thing to have idiot interns and residents praising April Kepner for shooting a bullet at Meredith earlier. But it was a whole different thing to hear about how Derek Shepherd, the _'Hair God'_ stood up for her in the Attending's lounge as she _subtly_ eavesdropped on a conversation two nurses were having in the women's restroom earlier.

What the hell could that be about anyways? They were only _screwing_ each other, why did Derek feel the need to stand up for her? So many questions unanswered, keeping her head full and throbbing. The intern scrambled to the table, adding a little more suction just as Meredith had requested.

"I-I'm sorry, Dr. Grey." He murmured, terrified to look up as if she'd actually turn him to cold, hard, stone.

"I don't care for your apologies, Dr. Reynolds. What I care for is that you're committed to this job. If a little _chatter_ throws you off then you're obviously not cut out for this position. Now are we clear?"

Dr. Reynolds nodded his head quickly, keeping his eyes locked on Meredith's. "Yes, Dr. Grey. It won't happen again."

The surgery continued smoothly after that. Meredith even allowed Dr. Reynolds to hold a scalpel. The patient was wheeled away to post-op and she scurried off to the scrub room.

It wasn't until Meredith exited the scrub room, she suddenly began to feel as if she were walking with a literal stick up her ass.

 _Everyone's_ eyes seemed to be set on her, an abnormality to the alternative 'no eyes on her or you'll turn to stone' kind of deal. Meredith's world seemed to be moving in slow motion, muffled sounds and gestures all around. She continued to walk ahead as if she had not a single care in the world of their opinions, which was _far_ from the truth. She could practically feel her heart leaping out of her chest.

 _"You know shepherd, stood up for her today."_

 _"Does Medusa have an actual heart- oh right I mean_ _ **Dr. Grey**_ _according to Dr. Shepherd."_

 _"You think something's going on between them?"_

 _"How can Derek Shepherd's only friend be her?"_

The comments crawled underneath Meredith's skin like a cluster of parasites. Had she been giving off the wrong signals to Dr. Shepherd this whole time? Did he think of her as something more than a 'fuck buddy'? Oh god was he _in love with her?_ Meredith's stomach was curdling, she could feel the vomit rising within. She was going to be _sick_ right then and there on the catwalk if she didn't move fast. Having an individual feel something for her as more than just as a subordinate or mentor had her head in a daze and she just couldn't possibly see that as something that _could_ be good.

Meredith shoved aside a group of residents, barging through the double doors just before emptying the contents of her stomach into the nearest trash can.

 _"I have to end this,_ _ **immediately**_ _."_ Her mind foggy and her judgment clouded by all the thoughts warping her brain.

* * *

Meredith hadn't cancelled her 'not date' with Derek as she felt this would be a proper way to tell him the fling was off. She was planted on the couch, drinking tequila from the bottle, _screw glasses_ , coiling up the courage to tell her dark haired prince she couldn't fuck him in anymore on-call rooms, or _anywhere_.

The knock at the door scared the living hell out of her, even if she had been expecting it. She took another swig of her drink, finishing off the bottle.

 _"Keep this professional, straight to the point, don't linger around the bush!"_ Meredith's conscience reminded her. She tucked a strand of honey-blonde hair behind her ear, opening the front door to reveal none other than, Derek Shepherd.

It was the first time for the both of them to be seeing each other with only street clothes on, no scrubs or lab coats.

Derek gawked at Meredith's appearance immediately; she was dressed in a cozy purple sweater. The color a rich one with a hint of red. Dark jeans and a pair of black socks covering each of her feet. Her golden tresses weren't being held hostage by a rubber band or a scrub cap. They were hanging loosely by her shoulders, in wavy, relaxed curls.

 _Beautiful_ , the exact word to come to mind if Derek had been asked how she looked that moment.

Meredith couldn't help but scan Derek over, even if she were about to cut off their 'not relationship' momentarily. An indigo pullover covered his torso, a lighter blue oxford underneath. A simple pair of dark wash jeans, and a pair of black, _no maybe brown_ , shoes. His hair, _perfect_ as always. However that's not what caused her stomach to twist and turn as it had earlier that day when she'd spewed into the garbage.

Derek was caressing a bottle of red wine, a grin accentuating his features. "Meredith, I got us-"

"It's Dr. Grey." She stated, that icy bitterness he hadn't missed one bit hitting him like a snowball to the head.

Derek's brow crinkled in confusion, a hint of fear churning away in his gut. "You're kidding, right?" He chortled, waiting for her to jump out and begin laughing with him. Instead Meredith yanked him inside, much like she had the first time they'd met.

He diagnosed her living room quickly; unpacked boxes scattered everywhere, no pictures or trinkets decorating the walls. It was all very bland, very _not_ Meredith. He'd expected her to have major OCD, everything tucked away in its corner, not a speck of dust to be seen. Derek imagined her home to be modern, organized, simple.

This was _nothing_ like he'd pictured. "Did you just move here?" He asked, setting his bottle of wine down on a side table.

"What?" She asked, dazed into another existence.

"Did you just move here, as in is this house new? All the boxes around-"

"I heard you." She snapped, uninterested in hearing the rest of his babble. "No, this was my mothers house. I'm planning on selling it." She exclaimed although she felt that she didn't need to explain _anything_ to Dr. McDreamy.

"Oh I'm sorry." He said softly.

"What?"

"Well you said 'was' I just,"

"My mothers not dead, she's. You know what, we don't have to do the thing." She sighed, eager to get this done and over with. Meredith already had another bottle of tequila waiting for her in the kitchen, realizing it was going to be another _long_ and _slow_ sexual drought ahead.

Derek smirked, another one of those dreamy smiles he'd been giving her for a while now. "Oh, we can do anything you want."

Face palm! God was he just not getting this at all? For a Neurosurgeon, he sure was stupid or maybe just oblivious. Either way it was making things _that_ much harder for Meredith to complete her task. "I mean, exchange the details, pretend we care." Maybe that'll do it.

And just like that 'the little engine that could' _couldn't_. It couldn't make it up the track and now it was just plummeting backward into hell knows where, just as this conversation had.

"I do care." He quipped, his eyes growing to a much darker blue, not quite indigo, but they weren't a sparkly aqua by any means.

Meredith growled in frustration, gritting her teeth together. "Dr. Shepherd! Don't you fucking get it? I'm ending this thing with you! You don't get to call me Meredith because we aren't a couple, we are not **any** **thing**! Can't your puny brain understand?! For a damned neurosurgeon, you're fucking clueless."

There it was, all set out on the table like the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle. Meredith felt relieved to get that off her chest, yet a tinge of guilt pulled on her heart strings. She hadn't _meant_ to be so cold and callus with him.

An awkward silence drifted throughout her living room, the sound of rain pattering against the windows and roof becoming present. Meredith was sure Derek would give her a cowardly nod, say a goodbye, and leave to never come back again.

"No." rumbled from Derek's lips, his fingers curling into a fist of anger.

"Dr. Shepherd-" **he** interrupted **her**. He interrupted her. Since when did _that_ happen?

"Shut your fucking mouth for one _goddamn_ time, Meredith Grey. I'm not your puppet, I'm not a human vibrator you get to use when you want to be a secretive _whore_! The world doesn't do as you please, alright! Don't you know why they call you _Medusa_ and _The wicked witch of the west_ , it's because you're a bitch, a mean, cold hearted bitch. So I don't know why the hell I'm still letting you screw me in on-call rooms. I don't know why I let you speak to me like a damn dog. I don't know why the hell I stand up for you in Attending lounges or why I spend an hour in a wine shop looking for the perfect blend. It's because I can't get you out of my fucking head, all day and night you are on my mind and I don't know how to get rid of you. All I can think about is your golden hair and those slender, _long_ legs of yours. I want your lips on mine, I _need_ your tongue in my mouth. Do you know how hard it is to restrain myself from touching you, kissing you, worshipping you? Of course you don't, because you fucking subject me to an ignorant head of hair who's only purpose is to help get you off! I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut and sure as hell won't do it **ever** again. So no, you don't get to 'call off' what we have because it is something but you're just too damned stubborn to see it."

Meredith was shaking, actually _shivering_ as what Derek had uttered moments ago replayed, over, and over again in her mind.

 _"I can't get you out of my fucking head."_ He'd shouted. His voice never rose over an inside one, much less an outside one. This was, oh wow, this was an ear shattering curdle. A tone only woman used when giving birth or perhaps the way teenagers screeched their perky little heads off at boy-band concerts. It was the _first_ time, in a long time **anyone** left her speechless. She truly had no words to say, not a single syllable to offer.

Meredith backed against a wall, watching as Derek crowded her. His fingers traced her jaw, sending chills down Meredith's spine. God she felt drunk, _drunk_ on Derek Shepherd maybe. Nothing made sense, the room was spinning, her brain couldn't even form a single word.

"Now," he uttered in a low, spine tingling tone, the way butter melts on toast or perhaps how it felt to flop down on a couch after a long and tiresome day of work. "I'm not going to call you _Dr. Grey_ , your name is Meredith, Meredith Fucking Grey. I don't know that much about you, except for the fact you're big ass pessimist, you hate it when I break one of your rules, you moan as if the earth around you is crumbling into a million specks, and when I look into your eyes, for the small moment just before you fly off into an oblivion of pleasure, you seem whole hearted. Like an _actual_ person with feelings and everything. That's what I know, and I intend on learning more."

He lifted her chin, Meredith was quivering, _still couldn't make a noise_ , _nothing, well maybe a squawk_. And suddenly the world fell apart, her world fell apart. His lips on hers, molding together in perfect sync. Derek's hands caressing her small hips, pushing her closer to his body as if that was even _humanly_ possible. The thunder outside roared, lightning illuminating the darkened room. Derek's tongue begged for entrance to Meredith's mouth, the moment he'd been _aching_ for.

She allowed it, oh hell she was mushy-goop. She'd let him do _anything_ he wanted to her. The couple pulsated against one another, each of their bodies rhythmically moving against the other. Their tongues mesh and suddenly Meredith is lifted from the ground and her legs are around Derek's waist. As if the world was only the two of them, she finds herself laying against her back, on her bed, Derek towering over her with a hungry look in his blue, oh so blue eyes. Their clothes began to form a pile down by the end of the bed, one by one the pile becomes larger until it couldn't possibly become any bigger than it already had.

Meredith's lower half throbbed for him, ached for him to join her. All that nonsense she'd mentioned earlier about their relationship being nothing more than two people screwing each other was a load of bull-shit and quite frankly, Meredith couldn't care less what her conscience was trying to coerce her to do.

She'd gone on the pill maybe a month ago, so need to worry about those stupid condoms. Meredith's hands stretched above her head, Derek's fingers intertwining with her own just before thrusting deep within her core. And suddenly, Meredith was on cloud nine. Nothing could possibly ruin this moment for her, not a single thing.

"Derek." She panted, his name rolling off her tongue easily.

The world was fuzzy and for a moment in time, Meredith wished her world could remain fuzzy _forever_ here, in her bed, with Derek Shepherd who she'd claimed to **not** liking just an hour earlier.

Time is damned funny thing, huh?

 **Authors Note:**

Wowowowowowow, this is by far the longest thing I've ever written and I have to say I'm very proud of it. I feel like all of my other writings are so rushed and forced but this, oh god I feel like a proud mama. This has over 5000 words who would've thought I'd be able to get that much out? I've been writing this since like Thursday night and I meant to get it out yesterday but I'm such a procrastinator ): however I did it, all 5000 words and all. Now before you either get all angry for things happening too fast or get all happy for team MerDer, remember things take time and nothing is jut a magical over night process like falling in love with a Prince Charming. But I won't deny the fact Meredith and Derek are both very aware of how they feel and that isn't going to change. You also have to remember in story time they've been together for a little over three months and at some point all that tension had to pop. Please do me a favor and tell me your thoughts and feelings of the chapter, it really inspires me to update faster when I have feedback honestly. This is just the first milestone in a whirlwind of mile stones and I'm excited to bring you all along. Remember to give me your reviews of this story. Love you all (:


	4. Moving on out 4

Birds chirped, a grey, murky cloud blanketed the sky, an overcast from the storm that had erupted just hours ago. However the hurricane outside wasn't the only thing that had been _booming_ the previous night.

Meredith's eyes fluttered, several times, but her head was throbbing and the persistent pounding wasn't a helper in the process of waking up or lifting her head, which in fact felt far too heavy for her neck to carry. "Fuck." She mumbled. God, she felt hungover, the kind of hungover one feels after going to a pool party in the Hampton's and wound up having one too many vodka jello-shots. Except Meredith Grey didn't drink _vodka_. Meredith Grey drank _tequila_ and Meredith may have had some tequila last night, but that sure wasn't the thing at fault for the sluggish feeling sifting within her veins.

Everything ached, _everything_. Meredith wasn't one to lie, she'd endured wild and crazy sex before, _who_ _hadn't_? However, this wasn't like anything she'd ever experienced before, oh God this, this was-

 _What the_ _ **hell**_ _was this?_

The arm strewn across her hip caused a small shock to the heart, for just a moment discombobulation swarmed her mind. _"Who the hell is_ _ **that**_ _?!"_ Meredith's groggy conscience coerced. The memories from the previous night hit her like a ton of bricks, dropping all over her head without warning. She wasn't sure if she'd felt relief, knowing who the random arm was attached to or downright fearful of the man _spooned_ against her skin.

 _"Meredith.." his lips felt were like two cotton shirts, fresh out the dryer rubbing against her flesh. Oh lord that felt_ _ **really**_ _good, scratch that,_ _ **amazing**_ _. His hands caressed her-_

"Oh God." The memorization slapping her face like lightning. Meredith's head craned backward, ignoring the way her head shouted 'Don't do that!' but she didn't care, crick in her neck or not.

The first thought to come to mind, _peaceful_. Derek Shepherd seemed peaceful, relaxed, serene, one with the world or whatever that saying is. Meredith couldn't remember, the dizzy feeling in her head prevented it. His chest rose and fell evenly, _one, two, three, down, one two, three, up_. She must've gotten lost in the even beats of Derek's breath patterns because she couldn't remember how long she'd been staring. Now was **not** the time to be staring at Derek's _naked_ chest. Raven colored curls lay against his forehead, his stubble very pronounced, and a puddle of saliva collected at the corner of his lip, dripping onto her pillow.

 _"Great, now I have to wash that." She thought. "Shit, I have to wash_ _ **all**_ _of this."_

Meredith turned her head back, the pain in her neck becoming a little too hard to bear. The duvet coverlet that had dressed the bed last night, was now keeping the floor warm instead of their bodies. Clothing strewn everywhere, although she could have sworn they'd made some kind of pile of clothes the night before. A sheet. A single, loose, beige colored sheet was the only thing covering their bodies, well _lower_ half's.

She found herself thanking the heavens that Derek hadn't woken yet. God, how awkward would that conversation play out? 'Oh hey, yeah sorry about becoming _super_ turned on last night after you yelled at me. Okay see you at work!' yeah, what a great way to kick off a morning. Meredith had been so consumed in worrying about the consequences of her actions that she hadn't even thought that maybe, just maybe this could be good for her. No, good things did not happen to Meredith Grey. Meredith Grey was dark and twisty. Meredith Grey did **not** want to drag Derek Shepherd along for the rollercoaster ride also known as her life. But he was so God damn persistent, or at least now he was. Two days ago Meredith would chortled like a hyena if someone would have told her Derek Shepherd was a persistent, get what he wants kind of man. Now? Oh God now? Her stomach churned at the thought.

"S'Mere?" A faint, drunk-y mumble pricked Meredith's ears.

 _S'Mere? What the hell did that freaking mean? S'Mere, Mere, Meredith, Meredith_ _ **freaking**_ _Grey!_ He's talking to her, asking for her. Panic reared it's ugly head and suddenly Meredith didn't know what to do. She always knew what to do, she wouldn't be Meredith if she didn't.

Regular Meredith would have shoved him out on his naked ass already, 'Don't let the door hit you on the way out!' but this Meredith was confused. What did she say to the guy who had _literally_ lifted her off the ground last night? To the guy who had her world _shattered_ by a kiss _oh so good_. To the guy who had his arm curled around her waist so casually, as if he'd known Meredith all his life. The grip on her waist tightened and somehow it made her feel _safe_. His morning erection was poking away at her spine, which was more than annoying to say the least. His nose pressed against her honey-blonde tresses and his halitosis straight up _reeked_. Is this how Derek treated all of his one night stands the morning after? The ones he picked up in bars or clubs? However, this was no _one night stand_ this was the morning after he basically confessed his freaking love to her. Meredith felt like she was trapped in a corny chick-flick and at this stage of the movie the leading actress would flee the scene do to her _commitment_ and _daddy issues_ or what not.

Yet Meredith wasn't fleeing. She was content, here, in Derek's comfort, spooned against his torso. "Good morning." He mumbled, acting as if he didn't realize Meredith was purposely ignoring his earlier 'S'Mere' comment. What did Derek think this was? Some kind of perfect 'morning after' thing? As if they'd cuddle in one another's arms for a long while, serve up some breakfast, confess their truest and deepest feelings to one another, and make sweet love in the shower all morning.

No.

There would be no _cuddles_. There would be no _breakfast_. There would be no _confessing_ of their feelings. And there sure as hell would be no _love making_ in the shower or anywhere, because Meredith was **not** in love with Derek Shepherd. She couldn't be. She barely knew him, right?

"Hi." Meredith spoke lightly, unsure if she had the heart to kick him out. It did feel really _nice_ in his grasp. No man had ever caressed her in such a way, a _caring_ way. Other than his breath and the iron rod pricking her in the back, itching to be relieved with sexual indulgence, Derek was warm, like her own personal furnace and it felt _damned_ good too. His arms cocooned her figure and his fingers lightly traced circles around her pale thigh.

Derek brushed the golden tresses pasted upon her neck away, leaning in to dust several kisses against her flesh. In his mind, Meredith was a Goddess. An exquisite creature that just so happened to land in his orbit. Unfortunately, she had many walls up, _concrete walls,_ and he knew it would be no picnic to chisel through. However, Derek was a freaking optimist and if she'd let him, he could brake away her barriers.

Meredith's neck was toasty. Kissing her skin so intimately was like curling underneath a blanket by the fireplace on a cold day. It felt like _home_. Meredith smelt like a flower of some sort. Derek couldn't set a proper name on it, he wasn't a damn florist. Either way, knowing the correct classification for her sweet aroma or not, she smelt _beautifully_.

"Did you sleep well?" Derek's sentence slurred and groggy.

Meredith jerked, his words startling her. Had she gotten so relaxed in his arms that she'd fallen asleep? She couldn't tell. "You alright?" His right hand squeezed her thigh for some sort of reassurance, an 'I'm here if you need me' ordeal.

"Yeah, I must've fallen asleep again." Meredith informed, the tension fluttering away from her body. "And yes, I slept fine." That was an understatement for sure. If Meredith wasn't so in denial about _everything_ she could simply admit the spooning with Derek had been one of the best slumbers she'd had in a while, along side some of the best sex she'd **ever** endured.

Derek's lips curled against Meredith's neck and a muffled 'hum' rumbled deep within his throat. "You aren't _angry_ I'm calling you Meredith, right? He questioned. He was _teasing_ her, truly invested in making conversation with her.

She snorted. Actually _kinda_ laughed at a remark made by Derek Shepherd. Since when did _that_ happen? Meredith pivoted her head, her brain felt _less_ full than it had an hour ago when she'd waken. She was sucked into a whirlwind of ocean-blue, his irises twinkling. Even Meredith couldn't deny, he had _pretty_ eyes, no, _beautiful_ eyes. She studied his face for a few moments; a few crinkles by the eyes but nothing too defiant. His crooked nose was definitely something she'd noticed before now (it was kind of cute in it's own, crooked way) how had he broken it? An impending question for later she'd keep tucked away in her head. Dark stubble coated his skin and a lazy grin complemented his features, the _icing on the cake_ , his smile.

"I'm not mad, Derek." She responded, raking her fingers through his ravenous curls. "We've been screwing each other for three months, the least I can do is let you call me, Meredith." His body jerked a throaty noise caught between his lips. A laugh? Meredith didn't know, she was too drunk on Derek's eyes and obnoxiously adorable grin to care.

And there it goes. He was turning her into gooey-mush once more. Meredith shifted, twisting her body to face his own. His erection was poking her belly now, which was _slightly_ better than her spine. However, his halitosis was infesting her nostrils. "You know your breath **sucks** right now?"

Derek pouted, seemingly 'unappreciative' of her comment. "Well now you've hurt my feelings." His fingers dusted wispy strands of blonde locks away from her porcelain skin, a brilliant grin accentuating his facial structure. And in that moment they were the only two on earth. Tucked away in their own personal bubble of togetherness. In this moment, that dreadful conversation Meredith had been waiting for just an hour earlier no longer mattered.

"Well I wouldn't want that, now would I?" She croaked, rubbing the tips of her fingers against his stubbled chin. Derek's head shook, confirming her statement just before leaning in to lock in a kiss.

Derek's halitosis was the last thing on her mind right now. His lips. God those _freaking_ lips. He kissed like an Adonis, a Greek God. Their kisses were much more intimate this time round, than they had been the previous night. Meredith's fingers entwined with Derek's ebony tresses. His fingers resting against her belly, stroking her navel soothingly with his thumb. Their lips continued the sensual dance. Tongues meshing slowly as they explored one another's caverns. Light moans and squeaks from the old boxspring holding up Meredith's mattress were the only noises drifting.

"Mere." He choked, shuttering from the painfully slow kisses the two were sharing. Just like that, within the blink of an eye, reality set back in.

 _"This_ _ **isn't**_ _appropriate."_ There went Meredith's overly protective conscience once more. Even if her brain was constantly bugging her last nerve, it was normally **right**.

"D-Derek-" she began, only to fall speechless as Derek's fingers brushed against the cleft between her thighs. A slick groan sailed between her lips in chopped waves, indicating he'd found her highway to heaven and he sure as hell was persistent to get her there, he was a _persistent_ man.

"Shh." Derek maneuvered his fingers in slow, circular motions. Watching those emerald eyes roll back into oblivion was heaven enough for him. "Don't speak."

His lips travelled to her collarbone, dusting the exposed flesh with his moist lips. "P-Please Derek, we-we have to talk." Why was her conscience such a damned bitch at the most annoying times? How come her heart couldn't do the talking once in a while? No wonder her head was constantly swimming, it was the one making _every_ decision hurdled her way. Meredith's muscles begin to clench, a feeling she'd become quite familiar with, _shit_. She felt angry at herself for letting the morning drag on for this long. Telling him to leave right off the bat would have made this whole process easier. Well that's not true, she didn't want to hurt him. Which was also strange for Meredith Grey. Since when did she care for other individuals feelings? Oh right she didn't unless they're tall, dreamy, and named Derek Freaking shepherd.

Meredith began to see spots, her mind cloudy, and her eyes glazed over. Her limbs twitched, this one was silent, but _holy crap_ a powerful one. Everything was tingling. Even the little nerves in the crevices between her little toes. Her chest tightened and the bedroom disappeared. She'd found her euphoria and it was fucking **brilliant**. Her body glistened and if Derek hadn't been so familiar with the noises flowing out her mouth, her final cries of pleasure could have easily been mistaken for agony. This, this was far from agony.

If she had not an ounce of courtesy in her body she'd say, _"Fuck you, Derek Shepherd."_

Meredith's back became flush with the crinkled sheets and her vision had already began to repair itself, post orgasm. "You have to leave." She mentally cringed, those words leaving a bitter taste to her tongue.

The sexual mood crumpled between Derek's fingers, Meredith building up a tense and much more awkward one. "What?" despair retching within this tone. Not even a minute ago Meredith was reaching heaven with Derek and now she was kicking him to the curb. Her mood was like a six year old toying with a light switch, _**onoffonoffonoffonoffon**_ , a repetitive never ending cycle.

Meredith's gaze shifted from the white ceiling to Derek. She felt like a butcher with a knife, carving his heart away torturously slow. "Up until last night, I refused to believe I had any sort of emotional connection to you. In fact, I prodded to break things off because I was _scared_ of falling for you. I didn't want to believe you were anything more than a good time for the thing between my legs. Then you just had to drop that bomb on my head, back me toward a wall, and set it off with a kiss. Derek, I was _vulnerable_ , hell I still am vulnerable. You just happened to be saying all the right things at all the right times and we had sex. We didn't 'do it' because of some magical revelation. We did it because we were both vulnerable and I was tipsy. So I don't want to lead you on with a _cuddle_ and a few _kisses_. I **can't** lead you on like that."

Derek grimaced, the sparkling blue in his irises vanishing only to be replaced by a dark indigo. "Vulnerability? You're going to fucking blame all of your damn issues on some vulnerability?! God Meredith Grey, I really am a fucking dumb ass for falling for a woman colder than Antarctica!" He stripped the sheets away, dancing around the bedroom to collect his discarded fragments of clothing.

"Derek," she prodded, sitting up, only to tug the sheet draped around her figure tighter. "Please."

He disregarded her pleads. "Go to hell, _Dr. Grey_." Within moments a heavy door slam echoed throughout the house and Meredith was officially alone, just as she wished for earlier. Her world was spiraling downward and her heart constricted at the rumble of Derek's Porsche engine outside her window.

"I'm sorry." Meredith was heaving, salty tears compromised her vision. "Derek I'm sorry!" She knew he couldn't hear her, _maybe the neighbors_ , but he was long gone. She'd shoved him away with her walls made of concrete. Those _freaking_ walls she'd built to protect herself had been indestructible. And somehow, they were only hurting her in this moment. She sobbed. Her heart physically ached and there was nothing she could do about it.

* * *

Meredith wallowed the day away, at least up until she forced herself away from the pillow Derek's head had been laying the night before. Broken heart or not, Meredith had a job. A job that made her oh so happy. Her job never let her down and it was depending on her to come and be the _best_ general surgeon out there. She'd decided on no more self pity midway to the hospital that evening. No man defined who she was, she was the _sun_ , and Derek Shepherd could go _suck it_.

The double doors slid open and a blast of warm air came in contact with Meredith's skin. _Home_. The hospital had always been a sanctuary for her, the only place she could loose herself to without feeling like a freak with two heads, ironic as that sounded with the nickname gifted upon her. Medusa, a woman with actual snakes for hair. Meredith trotted into the building, _one foot in front of the other_. She'd grown up here, coloring on old charts, learning to read in the OR gallery, dragging that ratty old 'anatomy Jane' doll around with her jelly-pouch and all. Her mother worked long, excruciating hours even when she wasn't forced to. Ellis Grey purposely neglected Meredith, or so it seemed that way. Another thing to tack onto the list of her everlasting dark and twisty soul. Meredith shoved strands of her honey-blonde locks out of her face, making a pit-stop by the coffee cart. Sure, guzzling down a couple espresso shots at seven o'clock seemed bizarre. Meredith couldn't have cared less, she hadn't gotten a wink of slumber due to her grieving of a man who really was never hers in the first place.

"Three espresso shots, black." She slapped a ten against the wood grain countertop, downing each one like a thing of tequila. Her throat burned and her eyes watered. A low groan erupted from between her lips, "Keep the change." Meredith quipped. She scurried off, making a bee-line for the attending's lounge.

 _"Please be empty, please be empty, please be empty."_ Her mind pleaded, taking a deep breath. She turned the knob, the hinges on the door creaking. Regularly Meredith wore her scrubs to work. Of course she'd been far too busy with other obligations to wash her navy uniform. So now she was stuck, creeping into the lounge to find a new pair of scrubs to wear for the day.

 _"Am I even supposed to be in here?"_ Chimed against Meredith's ear drum followed by a low chuckle. She froze, recognizing the voices from inside the lounge. Her ear glued to the door door as she caught sight of the two people behind it. Derek was parallel from a nurse, she seemed _familiar_. Glimpsing through the small window, Meredith watched as Derek clumsily wiped some kind of brown-substance off of the nurses green scrubs.

 _"I was don't even know. Even if you aren't, it shouldn't be a problem I mean I spilt a whole thing of coffee on you."_ Coffee. That's what the splattered stain was.

The woman giggled, pushing his hands away from her chest. _"I don't think this is coming out."_ Meredith's eyes grew to saucers within seconds. The nurse slipped her scrub top away, Meredith couldn't help but notice the way Derek's eyes never left her breasts. What is it with men and the whole, 'let me discretely check you out below the neck!' If it were any other guy, Meredith would have labeled Derek a big fat pervert for staring so long. However she couldn't decipher if he'd truly been gawking or if her imagination had began to run wild.

Meredith's blood coiled within, _"He should be staring at my_ _ **boobs**_ _, not hers."_ But Derek wasn't her man and she'd run him off to freaking _Narnia_ this morning anyways. He wouldn't be interested in staring at her, maybe to give her an expression of distaste.

Lucky for Meredith the nurse had a tank-top underneath the scrub top. She sat the soiled shirt on the countertop and leaned against the granite. _"By the way, I'm Rose. I've been in your OR a few times but you're so quite I wasn't sure if you'd ever noticed."_ Rose. Her name was Rose. That's where Meredith had recognized her from. She'd scrubbed into a few of her surgeries for assistance. A pretty good scrub nurse but good lord she was a gossip. During every single one of the surgeries she'd been in, Rose almost always had something to share about someone. In some cases, Meredith feared she'd figured out the affair Between she and Derek. Other than being a big-mouth, she was **constantly** making a goo-goo eyes at Derek, waiting to jump at her prey anytime. She'd gotten her chance today when Derek hurdled a coffee cup at her boobs.

 _"Rose, yeah I do recognize you and I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so antisocial I guess I just hadn't met the right person here to speak with."_ Derek grinned like a kid at Christmas, easing into one of his dirty smirks that read 'In my mind you're naked right now and I flipping love it.' Meredith's stomach flipped and flopped. He used to give her that smirk all the time. Her subconscious tended to deny all of those things persuading Meredith he didn't have a single feeling for her. Now her subconscious was running like a marathoner on steroids just moments before face planting into a brick wall, everything hitting her all at once.

 _"Well, then I guess I'm glad you and I ran into one another."_ She twirled her long, rich locks between her thumb and forefinger absentmindedly. Rose inched closer to Derek, no longer using the edge of the counter as a support for leverage. Her fingers trickled down 'V' of his scrubs, toying with the wiry black hairs peppered across his chest. If looks could kill, Meredith would have used her 'snakes for hair' to turn Rose into a statue long, long ago.

"God." Meredith mumbled. "Why am I acting like such a jealous ex-girlfriend?" It were times such as these she'd wished time machines were an actual thing. That way she could jump back to that morning and reverse her dreaded mistake.

Derek seemed mesmerized. _"Do you want to get a drink or something?"_ He murmured. _"It's the least I can do."_ His voice drifted and Meredith could no longer hear any sort of viable conversation. How do men do that? Pick themselves off the ground so easily and move onto the next fish in the sea.

Meredith's ears perked as she listened to a muffled, _"See you at eight."_ And suddenly her world went fuzzy. Not the pleasurable fuzzy she endured when Derek was throwing her on top of cloud nine nor the fuzzy he made her feel last night and this morning after caressing and touching her in all the right places. A gruesome fuzzy. Her head was swimming and her mind was full. Anymore thinking or overanalyzing and she might just burst. She drifted away from the lounge door, taking a deep breath.

Even if she had a million time-machines tucked away in her back closet, they wouldn't change _her_. She wasn't whole hearted and warm. She was empty. Dark and twisty. Medusa for crying out loud. It didn't matter if she could fix her mistake from this morning or if she'd cried her eyes out all day. Meredith knew she would have hurt Derek sometime and she sure as hell didn't want to hurt him anymore than she already had.

Derek deserved someone like Rose, to give him all of things he wanted. A wife. A family. A life. A true and beautiful love story he'd later on tell his children.

 _'I bumped into her by accident and spilt coffee all over your mothers shirt by mistake and it was the best mistake I've ever made.'_ That's the story his future kids would want to hear. Not how he'd been used as a personal sex slave by a woman actually colder than Antarctica.

She sucked in a breath, her lungs ached. Everything freaking ached as a matter of fact. Meredith turned around, opening the door full and wide. Even if all she wanted was to eat strawberry ice cream all day and watch sappy romance movies; she had an obligation, a _job_.

She'd expected him to be gone. The universe must have some kind of grudge against Meredith Grey, considering she'd come face to face with Derek.

"Derek, I-I um, can we-"

"It's Dr. Shepherd." Oh if _looks could kill_ she'd be a dead woman walking. "I don't have time to dabble with you and your personal affairs. Now please, move out of the way so I can get to my surgery." His eyes didn't sparkle and his quirky smirk he was always proudly wearing had probably sprinted to Appalachian mountains by now.

She stepped aside and he slid away, disappearing down the hallway like some figment of her imagination.

Derek had won the battle. Zero for Meredith, a gazillion for him.

 **Authors note:**

DO NOT MURDER ME! If you'll trust me, I can utmost promise that things happen for a reason. Everyone finds their way back home. This chapter was Meredith's point of view (with an exception of a paragraph or two focusing on things Derek was thinking about) and I enjoyed giving you an insight as to why the hell Meredith always has a stick up her ass. To recap; she's not whole hearted and warm. She's dark and twisty and something made her so closed off. Now before you also murder me for making Meredith overly "dramatic" about losing Derek, I want to mention that this relationship I've created for them has been ongoing for a while. Maybe not with feelings spoken but they have been there denied or not. She's basically given Derek away to Rose without actually giving him away? I don't know let's go with that. I can promise you the next chapter is an important one and I think you'll like it? I'm trying to keep these updates very frequent and it sucks when I have writers block. Anyways, please, please, please, review and comment. Your comments and favorites are what make me want to update this story every freaking day. Just give me your opinion, what you want to happen in the story, anything! Okay, okay, enough of this authors note. I just wanted to clear things up and talk to you all! Review and favorite, that's all you gotta do (:


	5. True loves kiss 5

_"So, you like to fish?" Rose had taken Derek up on his offer for drinks that night, to apologize for the fact he'd assaulted her with a cup of scolding espresso. Although in Derek's mind, this 'date' with Rose was more of a_ _ **rebound**_ _rather than an 'I'm sorry'. He was more than prepared to get wasted and drown his sorrows in a bottle of scotch. For just a moment, his world could stop revolving at a billion miles an hour. To his surprise, Rose was much pleasanter to be around than he'd imagined._

 _Derek tipped back his head, guzzling away another shot of single mault scotch. A deep rumble coiled within his throat and his Adam's apple bobbled as his drink of choice escaped down his esophagus. "Yeah," Derek dipped downward, dragging crumbled bills from the front pocket of his scuffed jeans to purchase another round of shots for himself. "When I moved out to Seattle I bought a piece of land. It's surrounded by a lake and I fish there whenever I find the time." Rose nodded, toying with the red straw poking out the opening of her glass._

 _"Derek, I don't mean to pry. But something's telling me your intentions for this evening had nothing to do with the fact you spilt your drink all over me today." She tucked away a chocolate brown tress, clearing her throat softly._

 _If Derek would have been slightly less tipsy and his intentions for the night were to get laid by a hot nurse, he would have lied and said he thought she was by far the most beautiful thing his eyes ever caught sight of. He chuckled bitterly, raking his left hand throughout the lions mane sprouting from his scalp. "Are you psychic?" His statement gets him a light laugh from the woman across the table and that makes him grin nonetheless._

 _Her tongue glided upon her lower lip just as Rose found herself locking eyes with the sparkle eyed vixen parallel to her. "Sometimes, it depends on whoever's mind I'm trying to read." Rose divulged, a smirk accentuating her features. "Unfortunately, I can't predict the future or figure out why all the guys I keep falling for use me for some kind of rebound from their last heartbreak."_

 _The air was so thick, a scalpel would have had an inexplicably hard time slicing through. Derek's grin from earlier deflated and suddenly a tinge of guilt curdled within this gut. "Rose, I-I," Derek couldn't conjure words. He'd done exactly what Meredith had done to him and from his perspective, it fucking sucked ass. "I didn't invite you to a bar so I could get you drunk and sleep with you, if that's what you thought. I promise, it's just that..." his sentence shriveled. His heart ached. Everything ached. Derek didn't want to feel pain anymore. He didn't know how to cope with the loss of his faux girlfriend. He'd never received a dagger to the heart up until that day. "I think I was in love with someone who wasn't in love with me."_

 _Rose lifted her brow, her elbow resting against the steel table and her chin planted into upon hand. "You_ _ **think**_ _?"_

 _"Oh I know she wasn't in love with me or even felt remotely the same way. The thing I'm not so sure of is if_ _ **I was in love with her or not**_ _." Derek hadn't deciphered whether his feelings for Meredith Grey had digressed to love yet. Even he thought it was cryptic to think what he had for her was love, but he was a hopeless romantic. He believed in fairytales and magic and all of the 'love at first sight' bullshit. Derek had always heard from his peers that love was the most powerful thing on earth. He would know when he felt love for somebody and if he weren't so damn in denial about the incident, Derek could easily relish the fact he was in love with Meredith._

 _"I'm sorry." Rose coerced, giving him a sincere expression of sorrow._

 _"Don't be sorry," Derek adjusted his posture, leaning across the table. "I should be sorry. I made up a lame excuse to get you down to a bar with me because I didn't want to look like the loser drinking alone over a woman." Derek chortled, the scent of scotch lingering across his lips. "You know what? Screw this joint. Let me take you home and have a_ _ **real**_ _date."_

 _His accommodation got him a laugh and drunk Derek couldn't coerce what the hell that meant. His head was clogged with alcohol and thoughts of Meredith Grey._

 _"_ _ **You**_ _are going home. You've already had one too many to drink and I sure as hell am not letting you drive me anywhere." Rose pushed her long locks back, clutching she and Derek's coats from the rack by the door._

 _Derek slumped, feeling defeated by another woman. Since when did_ _ **that**_ _happen? He was sluggish but determined nonetheless to shuffle across the room to the woman keeping his jacket warm. His vision was compromised by blurry patches and man did his head throb. The hangover sure would be a stick up his ass for sure._

 _"I'm not_ _ **that**_ _drunk, Rose." He wasn't a liar, his conversation hadn't subsided to pure gibberish yet and he was lucid enough to follow direction. "But I appreciate your persistence on getting me home safely." He winked, pulling his coat away from her. He threw his coat over his shoulder moments before intertwining fingers with Rose._

 _The two trotted across the parking lot, in search of Rose's vehicle. "Hey, you know what?" They came to a halt near a cherry red mustang. "I'm just going to head back to the hospital, I have to be there for my shift in a couple hours anyways." Seattle Grace just happened to be across the threshold so he could easily walk back over to the bar when dawn arrived to pick up his black Porsche Cayenne._

 _"If you insist," she quipped lightly, shooting Derek a smirk. "I really did have fun tonight, no matter what your intentions happened to be."_

 _Derek cocked his head to a ninety degree angle, his irises sparkling as the street light glimmered down on him. "Thank you for taking my mind off of the woman who menaced my heart." The world around the couple faded into oblivion. Lust dusted Derek's expression and briefly he fell sober. The tips of fingers brushing against Rose's jawline. Derek jibed closer to the girl with the dark brown tresses. "Thank you." He repeated. His lips meshed to Rose's, rhythmically moving in time with hers. Rose scrunched her fingers in Derek's ebony curls, tugging on them as his tongue became persistent for entrance to her mouth. She'd accepted his tongue into her cavern and in moments their tongues were dancing the tango. His hands falling at her waist, gripping her hips firmly._

 _Rose had been the one to disconnect the passionate embrace, pressing her forehead to Derek's. "Get some sleep." She panted in a disomnobluluated state. "I'll see you at work tomorrow." She escaped into the night._

* * *

Derek was teetering with his pen, clicking the object aggressively in a repetitive state. The board of the hospital was hosting some meeting for the heads of each department. Further meaning, he was required to attend. Also meaning, Meredith Grey was required as well. He would have rather been endured in a boatload of _scut_ , an interns job, rather than sitting here in this conference room. Meredith was the last person he wanted to have an encounter with. It had progressively become much harder to avoid her than he'd ever imagined. Running into his ex-mistress seemed to be a daily routine. Eyeing each other at the coffee cart, shoving one another throughout the hallways, the awkward eye contacts in the E.R. Although those things brought Derek a languishing amount of discomfort, the need to talk or speak to her hadn't become an issue thus far.

His attention pasted to the individual who'd dropped a boatload of junk while clamoring through the door. His gaze dropped to the woman frantically collecting her things. On a normal circumstance, Derek would have leaped up to help this poor 'damsel in distress' however this was no damsel. It was Meredith and he wasn't in the mood for an awkward exchange of greetings. She lifted her head slowly and Derek suddenly had an inexplicable urge to rush over and hold her in his arms.

Meredith looked _tired_ , scratch that, _exhausted_. He'd seen her multiple times since the break up, but never up close and personal like he was right that moment. Her golden tresses were tied back in a lopsided ponytail and the bags underneath her emerald eyes were very prominent. Meredith looked unkempt and disorganized, along with frazzled and worn the hell out. Did something happen? Maybe a death in her family or potentially she'd been placed on an inexplicably agonizing case.

 _"Or maybe she's been pondering over what happened between you two, dumbass."_ His conscience conveyed. Derek huffed aggressively, shoving the thought to the back of his brain for now. If Meredith Grey had let herself go because of a man then hell must be frozen over. At least that's what Derek continuously tried convincing himself of. Keeping his distance from Meredith didn't solely revolve around the fact she'd broken his heart. It also may have something to do with Rose, the nurse he'd sucked face with in the parking lot of bar a month ago. Derek didn't consider Rose his full on girlfriend, but he couldn't deny he was having a hell lot of fun with the woman. They'd had a conversation about what the kiss meant the morning after Derek drunkenly swooped Rose off her feet and agreed to see if it were to take their relationship somewhere.

Derek itched to flaunt his new trophy in Meredith's face and watch her skin crawl in torture, but he couldn't convey himself to do it for the sole reason being he didn't want to hurt her, even if she'd stabbed him in the back with a machete. He found it to be _unhealthy_ he was still so hung up over Meredith Grey. Truthfully, he thought introducing Rose to Meredith meant what he felt for her was really dead and small piece of his heart wasn't ready for that chapter of his life to close.

Derek huffed, rising from the leather swivel chair he'd been resting in for a little over twenty minutes. He crouched down to the carpeted flooring and began to help Meredith pick up the flyaway papers from her file. "Here." He quipped straightening each paper in a stack for her. His professionalism was still in tact; ex-mistress or not, he could still be cordial toward Meredith Grey.

"Thanks." She hiccuped lowly, brushing back the flyaway hairs pasted to her face that had fallen away from her messy updo. Immediately Derek knew his instincts about Meredith in a rough patch were confirmed. Her tone was scratchy, quiet, almost as if she were petrified to speak a single syllable. Very _unlike_ Meredith Grey.

Derek nodded for her, slapping a hand to the back of his scorching neck. "No problem." His Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped away the lump forming against his throat. "Meredith-" Derek's speil was interrupted by a gabbling, echoing throughout the petite conference room. Before Derek could grasp Meredith's attention again, she'd scurried away to the north side of the vicinity. He scowled, cursing under his breath at the man standing directly at the front of the room, who'd taken his one and only chance of communicating with Meredith Grey away. He sifted his fingers throughout his ravenous mane and slumped back into the worn leather chair.

"Good Morning, everyone." The tall man chimed, quieting the murmurs roaming throughout the conference room. "I'm Dr. Campbell, head of our hospital board but I'm sure you all knew that." He chortled lightly, a few claps of recognition beaming against Derek's ear drum. "I'm sure all of you are curious as to what this meeting is about. Firstly, I want to inform you all of the budget cuts we've had to make this year. We've already had to let go of _several_ prominent employees this year do to the surplus of failed surgeries. You are all the heads of your specialties. You're all supposed to be the best out there but with the number of dead patients rising how am I supposed to keep this hospital up and running? People aren't interested in coming to a fifth ranking hospital. They're interested in coming to number **one**! As unfortunate as it is that I'm stating this, if the death rates in certain specialities don't decrease, I'm afraid you'll have to find work elsewhere."

Derek could feel his gut doing somersaults. His speciality killed people everyday, it was never a sure outcome of whether or not your patient was going to survive the procedure. The whole purpose of dropping his life back in Manhattan and moving out to Seattle was so that he could run the department of Neurology. Losing this job meant he'd most likely have to pack up and move back to New York and he sure as hell didn't want to wander back down that road. An irksome expression crossed Derek's features moments before his eyes jetted toward the honey-blonde woman crouched in the corner of the conference room. Seeing Meredith in such a state of despair and discombobulation frightened Derek. She was Medusa after all, the woman with snakes for hair. Why the hell wouldn't she be living up to her graphic nickname?

After getting word that he could potentially be _fired_ from his job here at Seattle Grace, Derek tuned most of the meeting out. The rest of the topics hadn't pertained to anything he was interested in listening to anyhow. Derek was interested in keeping his position as head of Neuro and solely that.

"Alright everyone," Dr. Campbell quipped. "Our meeting has concluded. I hope you all take the points I've made into serious consideration, those weren't empty threats they were promises." With that the Attending's crammed in the room escaped the scene like a clot of mice, scurrying off as quickly as their feet could take them. Derek lingered, sloppily trudging his hands down against his face. He glanced around, Meredith must've dispersed with the rest of the cluster.

He catered to the exit, stepping over the threshold only to be greeted by Rose. "Oh, um hi." She seemed frazzled and disoriented. He couldn't deal with another out of character woman today, Meredith Grey was plenty trouble as it was. "I wasn't stalking you! Or spying or anything. You just so happened to leaving the conference room when I was passing by and well ya' know, here we are."

Derek crammed his hands into the pockets of his white lab coat, rocking on the balls of his feet. "Rose, calm down." He shot her a _dreamy_ smirk. "I know you weren't stalking me. If it makes you feel any better I could be potentially fired." He coerced the topic as if it were no big deal at all. In his mind however, everything was running loose like a flock of wild geese.

"Oh my god," Rose's cheery expression shriveled into oblivion. Her hand clutched his arm soothingly, and she framed her eyes on his own. "I-I'm so sorry, that's awful." She made him feel like a wounded puppy and Derek was trying his hardest to suppress that image he'd created for himself when arriving here in Seattle all those months ago. His relationship with the subordinates had improved substantially. Ever since basically telling off every attending that afternoon a month ago, he'd been treated like an _actual_ person rather than a foreign object.

"Let's just drop the subject, it's painful enough to think about." Derek snorted, strolling down the narrow hallway with Rose. "We could do something tonight, your place?"

Rose grasped his hand, squeezing lightly as they turned the corner. "Yeah, that would be good." She grinned, a glimmer hazing her irises. Derek and Rose had been testing the waters, having the occasional date or just a night for drinks. Nothing was set in stone or been officially proclaimed. Their relationship was light, much to Rose's dismay. It didn't take a rocket scientist discover Rose was becoming impatient with Derek. Every romantic gesture she threw his way, he tended to ignore or shut down. Of course Meredith spurring throughout his brain wasn't the best way to inform your _not girlfriend_ that's the reason he wasn't ready for a real commitment. They hadn't slept together either, another reason Rose was becoming antsy with him.

An uncomfortable silence drifted between the couple. Luckily, Derek's pager saved him from any sort of peril he'd be facing momentarily. "I have to go, I'll see you tonight." He leant down to peck her cheek, drifting off in the opposite direction.

Derek jibed to a halt at his patients room. When crossing the threshold, he locked eyes with a familiar green. An _oh so familiar_ green he could recognize a million miles away. "Dr. Grey, is there something I could help you with? This is my patient." He awaited her snarky commentary. On a regular basis Meredith would scowl at him, make sure he knew nothing was _his_ property and that it was completely unprofessional to claim patients as their own. Derek would know, she'd given him that orate millions of times.

"I know and I'm Sorry but it appears that Mr. Wallace had some tenderness near right side of his abdomen. So I ordered a CT and he has a tumor sitting on his bowel." If he was slightly more arrogant, Derek's jaw would have slammed to the floor in disbelief. Meredith Grey was conjuring a civilized conversation with Derek Shepherd. Normally she'd bark and he'd listen. Today however, she didn't raise her tone at all. "I was wondering that since he already has another tumor growing on his left temporal lobe that maybe I could go in at the same time and remove the tumor from his bowel. It's much easier and safer for Mr. Wallace to undergo one round anesthesia rather than two." Meredith clutched the chart in her hand tighter, her eyes drifting away from Derek's.

"Oh." That was it. Derek couldn't recite anything else but a freaking oh. He didn't care what the hell Meredith wanted to do with the patient. He was far more captivated with her actions. "That's fine, we can go ahead and prep for surgery then." Meredith trotted off and left Derek alone by the patients bedside.

"Hey, is she your girlfriend or something?" The scruffy tone caught Derek's attention rapidly and he craned his neck to Mr. Wallace.

"Excuse me?" Derek asked beginning to clench his fists inside of his lab coat pocket.

The man chortled lightly, "Dr. Grey. You kept giving her that look I give my wife when I know something's bothering her. Are you two in a fight or-"

"We aren't in a relationship." Derek coerced quickly. "She is _not_ my girlfriend or wife or anything. Simply a coworker. I should get you prepped for surgery." He turned to walk away from this languish conversation, in no mood to divulge on Meredith Grey.

"Well she must be something. Because men who look at woman like that care for them." Mr. Wallace piped from across the room. Derek halted, taking a moment to catch his breath.

"You'll be taken down to an O.R. shortly." He said monotonously, exiting the awkward situation.

 _"Maybe it's a sign_ _ **McDreamy**_ _."_ His conscience adored picking at him and watch him hang on by just single thread. "Shut up." Derek grumbled to himself. "It's not a sign, she's a heartless bitch and just because she looks like a wounded puppy doesn't mean she's hung up over me." Derek had been caught red handed mumbling to himself in a hallway and two nurses watched him convey to himself contently.

"Don't you two have jobs to do?" The nurses paused their gazing, a petrified expression crossing their faces. They scrambled in the other direction, leaving Derek smirking contently to himself.

* * *

"A little more suction." Meredith was deep inside bowel, dissecting a tumor in which had been thankfully diagnosed as benign. Her intern followed her behests frantically moments before stepping back behind her shoulder to watch procedure. Derek was nearly done with protocol, his portion of the surgery seeming to take up less time than Dr. Grey's. He glanced upward, noting the overflowing clot of doctors in the gallery. It was packed to the brim, all of them most likely there to the watch Meredith and Derek rather than the procedures taking place.

They'd barely spoken a single word to one another through the entire thing. He'd seen Meredith in the operating room before; she was a menace, a dictator. Meredith Grey took control of every surgery she performed by barking and hissing out commands of her subordinates.

Now she was silent. Her lips only prying over to ask for medical instruments. Derek didn't know _why_ he'd opened his mouth or even spoken for that matter. He was supposed to be getting over Meredith not getting back under where he was a month ago.

"Dr. Grey, is everything alright?" Derek questioned, glancing at the woman standing a few feet off. Meredith stiffened awkwardly, noticeably prying her attention off of Dr. Shepherd.

"Dr. Shepherd, shouldn't you be focusing on the open brain on your table rather than my personal life?" Disoriented or not, the icy chill creeping throughout her tone was prominent.

Derek sighed lowly. "Well need some sort of conversation, now don't we? Why can't we be cordial coworkers, huh Meredith?" Everyone was still oblivious to the affair risen between he and Meredith, including Rose. Derek hoped the doctors piling the gallery and O.R. up would simply believe he was referring to her bitter personality rather than anything between the two of them.

"It's Dr. Grey to you and I find it's more important for the patient that our minds not be so focused on other topics rather than them." She fired back, locking a fired gaze with him. Derek scowled at her, irksome at her stubborn attitude.

" _Dr. Grey_ we can all be friendly to one another." He protested.

Meredith slammed down her scalpel. Her jaw clenching together tight. "How can _any_ of us be friends when everyone is constantly **ignoring** one another? Huh, do you want to explain that Dr. Shepherd?!" The outburst had caught everyone's attention, the entire gallery gawking as well as the operating room.

Meredith's expression read nothing but pure terror. Her head dipped downward, fingers wrapped around the steel of the table. "Someone close for me." She yanked her scrub gown off, disposing of it to the trash before storming into the scrub room.

Derek stood dumbfounded, at a loss for any kind of communication. Meredith Grey had basically blurted to half the hospital that she wasn't friendly due to the fact everyone avoided her or at least that's what they thought. He knew the orate was directed toward him. _He_ had ignored her ever since the morning she told him to leave and in truth he hadn't given her the time of day. Not a single minute to explain for an ounce of the events taken place that day. Derek had piled every bit of blame on Meredith rather than equalling the load on **both** of their shoulders. He felt nauseous. Sick to his stomach at what a bastard he'd been to her.

"Please, page Dr. Nelson to finish this procedure." He quipped, sprinting out like his hair was scorching flames.

He caught Meredith rustling down the corridor. Her tiny ineffectual fists clenched by each side. They needed to communicate for sure. A Cold War would only lead to a hot and bloody one unless they verbally spoke to each other. "Meredith!" He howled. "Let's talk, please turn around."

She continued her voyage down the walkway, ignoring all of his commentary purposely. Derek continued to pester her, persistent on getting her to stop and coerce words with him. His head had been cloudy for a month and the sun was finally shining through. He didn't want to waste his ray of light. He **had** to speak with her. "Meredith Grey, turn around." His hand shoved her shoulder, backing her into a corner.

"What makes you think it's alright for you to interrogate me in front of our coworkers like that? _Our_ business shouldn't be given out in front of the damn staff!" Blush licked red flames across her cheeks and neck. She was mad, no that was an understatement, **fuming** was a better choice of vocabulary for this situation.

He stuttered awkwardly, feeling just as he had the day they'd personally met and she'd dragged him into that on-call room. "I wasn't interrogating you, I was worried. You looked completely out of order this morning when I saw you at the meeting and in the O.R. you were just so quiet I didn't mean to..." Meredith's eyes were wet. Red rims began to form at the creases of each eyelid and her lip quivered. Meredith Grey didn't cry.

"I know you can only see me as the cold hearted witch who pushed you out on your ass the morning after you openly confessed your love to me. That's how _everyone_ saw me and it never fucking bothered me what people thought of me up until I met **you**. God damnit Derek Shepherd, just because I told you I couldn't have a relationship with you didn't mean I don't have feelings or can feel things. I'm not a cyborg running on steel and electricity. If you would have just let me talk to you maybe we wouldn't be huddled together in a corner bitching at each other and you wouldn't hate my fucking guts. I'm sorry okay, I'm so flipping sorry for hurting your little heart. But you have no authority to judge me, **EVER**. You don't know what I've been through, you don't know anything about me. So please, if you're gonna try and pull the 'let's be cordial' to one another card, maybe you could at least give me the time of day."

"Meredith." He whispered. All he wanted to do was reach out and trickle his fingers across her tear stained cheek. His chest tightened like a screw watching her unfold right before his eyes. "I'm sorry." He felt like a complete and utter moron. 'I'm sorry'? if Meredith hadn't been in such a compromising state she would have beaten him to a pulp. After she lay everything out on the table all he could manage was an I'm sorry, what an awful apology.

"I-I didn't realize you were hurting, too." It was a beginning, definitely a prominent beginning. "That'd never happened to me before I didn't know how to react. I've never felt for-"

"Derek?" A gentle tone jabbed his eardrum. He mentally cursed himself for bumping into Rose a month earlier. There was a potential chance he could have ended up with Meredith. Be a **real** boyfriend. However that chance was still quite tiny and frail. Even if Meredith had real emotions like any other human, it didn't change the fact she'd hurt him and he _still_ hurt.

"Rose." He sighed, pulling away from Meredith's vicinity. "Hey." Rose hurdled to him, cupping his left cheek gently.

"I heard you had Nelson finish up your procedure, is everything alright?" The pads of her fingers rubbed against his stubbled cheek, brushing soothingly.

Derek cleared his throat and added, "I'm fine, I just had to take care of something." He croaked lowly, mumbling through his sentence. He glanced upward and sought out concern scribbled all over her face. She meshed her lips against his and Derek's gut churned, chills running down his spine. It wasn't a good kind of chill, not the kind that made your toes curl in pleasure and pure happiness. It didn't bring him euphoria. He wasn't on a train to heaven. He didn't _feel_ anything. He felt like a fish on dry land squirming to get back to his proper habitat.

"I'll see you tonight." Rose winked and rustled south. Derek whipped his head backward to find Meredith had already escaped. _Damnit_. He'd let her slip between his fingers once more and she probably thought he was the biggest freaking hypocrite on the planet! Already preying on another woman not even a minute after confessing his hearts desire for her.

"Fucking hell." Derek growled, kicking a wall as if abusing the inanimate object could bring him closure.

* * *

Derek decided his head needed a rest, even if that unwinding time meant getting drunk on _something_ he needed it. A better choice would have most likely been to head home and sleep off his troubles. Although here Derek sat in Rose's living room, downing a bottle of wine with her. Wine wasn't his choice of drink per-say but he'd take anything at this point.

"You really don't want to talk about it?" Rose nudged, stroking his forearm. She'd been pestering him all night to spill the details on why he'd left his O.R. and it was the last thing he wanted to gossip about. He was sure the entire hospital would be swimming with the news and unwanted rumors about the fiasco.

"No, Rose please, I don't want to talk at all. Please." Desperation wafted his tone. He didn't want to do any communicating if it meant he'd have to open his mouth and conjugate sentences. She nodded understandingly, setting the glass of wine filling her right hand down on a coster.

Rose shifted closer to his figure, entwining her fingers into Derek's dark curls. "No, talking." She promised, connecting her lips with his. The kisses started out soft and slow, easing into a PG-13 rating, merging into a borderline R. "Derek..." she melted into the fiery kisses, exploring his mouth with her tongue.

He copied her movements but something just wasn't clicking with him. He didn't feel the passionate lust he'd felt the night they tongue fucked at the Emerald City bar. Derek felt like he was kissing a **wet dog** , not that Rose resembled a dog or any other animal for that matter. He didn't _feel_ anything. He wasn't even erect for her in truth. And suddenly everything fell together, like the missing piece of a jigsaw he'd been searching for had finally popped up out of nowhere, shimmying its way into the slot. Derek found clarity, his head was clogged with sappy Meredith thoughts or confusion as to if Rose was his girlfriend or not. He found an answer, it had been there all along.

"I'm in love with Meredith." He choked, tugging away from the steamy make-out he'd endorsed himself into. Derek wasn't confused anymore. After a month of fighting whether or not he'd been in love with Meredith, he found his freaking clarity.

 _Meredith_ put him on cloud nine. _Meredith_ made his stomach do back flips. _Meredith_ was the woman attached to the mouth he wanted his tongue inside at all times. _Meredith_ was his euphoria. **Meredith freaking Grey** was the woman he desired and relished. He didn't want love if it couldn't be with her. No matter how many times he'd tried to forget her and move on. You don't move on from someone you're in love with even if she'd hurt his heart, he still cared for her and that was **love**. "I'm in love with Meredith Grey, I-I have been this whole time. I was just too blindsided to realize it. I'm sorry Rose. I'm so sorry."

Rose's expression crumpled and dissolved inside the imaginary waste basket next to her face. " _Meredith_? She was the woman you were talking about at the bar a month ago?" Her tone was inflamed with fury. He couldn't blame her, he'd basically serenaded another woman while sucking faces with this one.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't know what I wanted. She stabbed me in the back and I was too much of an idiot to fight for her and love her. I know now. I know I'm in love with her now and that I always have been." He conveyed quietly, watching as Rose shifted off of his lap in a hurried fashion. "You're an amazing woman. You're smart and beautiful. Rose, you deserve someone who's going to appreciate all of those things about you. Thank you for being there for me at the bar, you're a good friend." Derek crawled off the leather couch, snatching his jacket and shoes sprawled across the shag carpet.

"I won't tell." Rose piped from the north side of the room. He turned to find her arms enveloped across her chest, a sincere look crossing her features. "About you loving Meredith. You're a jackass for leading me on and all but, if you love her it shouldn't be held captive from you."

Derek smirked, tucking each hand into the front pockets of his light washed jeans. "I owe you one." He crossed the threshold of Rose's front door and stepped out into the night.

"I'm in love." He quipped to himself, smiling like a preening peacock.

 **Important authors note!**

Okay I need some things. I want to apologize for how shitty this chapter is I feel kinda awful but it was needed in order for this story to go where I wanted it to. I look back and feel like an idiot for including Rose in the whole plot but then I also think well she's needed for later and what not. I wasn't interested in writing several chapters of she and Derek finding their love or what not because this is not about them obviously. It's Meredith's and Derek's adventure not theirs. Plus I knew a lot of you hate Rose, laugh my ass off and keeping her for longer than needed was just dumb. So I did the whole month time jump thing and I'm hoping it will suffice. This whole chapter was Derek centric and about what's going on his point of view with the situation. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue doing the entire chapter with one characters point of view thing it's kind of hard to write a 5000 word chapter about just their thoughts. To recap, Derek had been struggling ever since he confessed his feelings to Meredith that night whether he loved her not. It's mentioned a couple of times in this chapter he thought it was silly to be in love with someone he'd only known for such little time or that she'd done something so horrible to him. He kept using those as excuses to keep his distance from her and keep going back to Rose. However the whole surgery together and conversation in the hallway helped him down the yellow brick road or whatever to clarity. When he kissed Rose he didn't feel anything like he felt when he'd been kissing Meredith that night at her house. So he realized he was in love with her. If you remember April still knows Meredith and Derek are having sex she doesn't know Derek is in love and Meredith potentially is (oh hell we all know she is (;) but Rose knows Derek loves her. So keep those in mind. I know this chapter is so confusing and all over the place and I vow to never write so poorly ever again but next chapter, NEXT CHAPTER WILL HAVE YOU ON YOUR TOES AGAIN! Please if you're reading this story leave your comments and reviews for me they are the things that inspire me to update and have inspiration! I love you all!


	6. Rain, rain don't go away 6

Why were men such bastards? The most incompetent, irksome, idiotic creatures to ever be conjured on planet earth. It baffled Meredith Grey as to how _only_ men had run The United States. How men were categorized as 'better' than women in any circumstance whether that be in the workforce or an activity. Meredith believed men were nothing more than sacks of ignorance, their only purpose to this world was to help bring in new life. She felt the species should be buried underground in sewers where their grimy asses belonged, whilst women rule planet earth with their intelligence and creative minds. Hell, if she hadn't been so fond of males groin regions, Meredith might have just been a lesbian.

At times such as this one however, Meredith wished that were true. If men weren't her so called 'cup of tea' she most certainly wouldn't be in this compromising position. Stupid boys, stupid, stupid, boys and their stupid boy penises. Before now it had never been an issue that no one wanted her. That not a single cell on earth wanted to be associated to Meredith Grey. She was quite content on growing old alone. Being the head of General Surgery was much more of a reliable friend or even _boyfriend_ for that matter than **any** person on earth. Surgery, almost never, had a reason to let her down. Meredith engrossed herself into her job so well, solely for that purpose. Being a surgeon was her safe place. She could drown her emotions into any procedure her heart desired. And that had been enough. That had been more than enough for Meredith Grey for the rest of her life.

Up until Derek Shepherd roused himself and his superlative hair into her orbit.

Meredith never pictured declining back to the beginning of her story. She'd written and closed this chapter of her novel long ago. Now here she lay on the musty couch of her mothers old house, gazing blankly at the ceiling above her. The tips of her fingers fiddling with the loose threads and worn patches of fabric decorating the lounge she was positioned in. The patter of rain bouncing against the roof, _drip, drip, drip, drip_ was a calming collection of beats in truth. One thing Meredith could easily admit about enjoying living in Seattle was the rain. Even as a little girl she adored the way the sky cried. Wallowing in the puddles lining the sidewalks of her neighborhood just to feel the slippery substance against her skin. Rain. Oh how Meredith Grey relished rain.

Her head felt far too heavy for her neck to carry at this point. Meredith's brain was swimming and the absolute last thing her overbearing head filled with thoughts and worries wanted her to do was move. Meredith was far too stubborn to listen to the persistent throb running circles around her cranium. She craned her neck ninety degrees to focus her eyes on the pile high boxes scattered within the living room. She'd lived here for years and still had shit tucked away in dull cardboard. At times her heart tinged at the unsorted mess, aching to sift through the surplus of pictures, trinkets, and accessories cluttering the _now_ _wilting_ storage compartments. Her conscience had a better sense of willpower, reminding Meredith of the potential peril she could disperse herself into if she made her house _actually_ accommodate to a home. Her cinderblock walls couldn't afford anymore cracks or wholes. Derek Shepherd had sledgehammered them enough already. She was rarely at the house anyhow, what good would unpacking meaningless materialistic items do for her?

Meredith would have taken on a night shift at Seattle Grace. However she was far too unfocused to proceed to protocol during a surgery. The argument she'd gnawed her way into that afternoon with Derek was replaying continuously throughout her head, over and over again. The most fowl portion of the entire corridor disagreement most definitely had to be Rose, shimmying her way into Derek's arms like some kind jealous wife stealing _her_ man back. Her stomach roiled, even the most discreet and vague images of Derek swapping spit with Rose made her nauseous.

"Why did I have to be such a horny, horny, little whore?" Meredith mumbled aloud to no one other than herself. Out of all the men in that damned hospital she could have chosen to be her personal vibrator, she chooses Derek flipping Shepherd. Although meeting him hadn't been all bad. She was blatantly lying to herself if she were to convey she had no feelings for Derek. How could she not _like_ him? Even with a woman such as Meredith Grey, Derek Shepherd could rouse anyone's insides to complete mush.

Meredith curled her figure like a kitten by a fireplace, her eyelids much too heavy to keep open any longer. She could feel herself drifting every few minutes up until her pesky conscious began to scream, _"Get the hell up and go to your bed! Your back will be sore and having back pains while doing a surgery doesn't make anyone a happy camper!"_ She mentally cursed the tiny voice controlling her brain, wishing her subconscious was a light switch she could flick off whenever she pleased.

Meredith maneuvered her frame to a slouching position, fingers curling over knee caps, bare toes wriggling at the icy hardwood brushing against the tips of her toes, fragments of greasy hair blanketing her face. She was far too exhausted from her rollercoaster ride of a day to clean her body and wash her head of golden tresses.

 _"I'll shower tomorrow."_ Meredith grunted earlier that evening, moments before collapsing against the comforting couch. The persistent ache in her neck was a contributing factor to tack onto the list of reasons to escape the hunter-green sofa.

All of a sudden, rays of blinding light sifted through the blinds of Meredith's window. A rush of confusion wafted over the woman, her brow crinkling as her eyes adjusted to make out what the foreign object shooting through the window was.

Lights. Head lights. A car. _Car?_ Who would be visiting Meredith Grey at this hour? Who would be visiting Meredith Grey at _any_ hour? She searched the living room sporadicly, hoping to find something she could shield herself with from the storm outside. Nothing. One may say that's karma for being a stubborn pest and not unpacking a damned thing in her own home. _Screw it_ she'd risk getting drenched even if it meant she'd wind up looking like a wet dog.

She ran out, barefoot, shieldless and all. Her hands hovered above her scalp. In her mind she could at least pretend the hand coverage was doing _something_ to keep her hair dry. She halted almost immediately once her eyes became familiar with the vehicle parked in her driveway. Derek. That stupid Porsche was there. Right freaking there in the general vicinity of her house. If only she'd pushed her lazy ass up the stairs just a few minutes earlier. At least then she could have fallen into a peaceful slumber before he and those raven colored curls sprouting from his scalp could cause her life even more destruction than it already had.

He fumbled out of the car whilst a flustered expression graced his features. "Derek?" She divulged, scattering off her front porch. Her toes dipped into puddles of murky rain. Her clothes turned from damp to soaked within seconds. "What are you doing here?" The majority of her wanted him to bippity bop the hell away from her for good. Yet there was always going to be that small twinge that plucked at her heart. A euphoric feeling, knowing he'd actually shown up to see her.

He glanced upward, emerald green conjuring with fluorescent blue. Those dark curls flattening down against his head, stray curls pasting down on his forehead. His eyes diverted downward, seeming to take notice of her bare little toes peeping out under the black yoga pants she'd been sporting. "Meredith, get inside you're going to get sick." He voiced gently, jibing closer to her frail figure.

"No." she quipped, teeth beginning to chatter. _Click, click, clack, clack._ "What the hell are you doing here? At my house, huh? If you're here to apologize for the argument this afternoon, don't bother. I don't want your pity, alright?" Each of her arms enveloped across her chest.

Derek slugged toward Meredith, his eyes never leaving hers. "I'm not here to apologize." Meredith had an inexplicable feeling coil in the pit of her gut. If he weren't there to condemn an 'I'm sorry' then why on earth would he slug all the way over to her house in midst of a brewing hurricane. He stand parallel to her, the sparkle in each of his irises causing her heart to constrict. "Meredith," Derek brushed back the sloppy curls dripping water in eyes. "I know you. I've known you. You pretend as if I don't know anything about you, but I do. I do know things about you."

Meredith's legs were well on their way to jello, this scene she'd found herself accompanied to by Derek felt like a bus load of deja vu. "Derek, you, you don't know me. Sexually, sure. Reality? You don't know _me_." She couldn't comprehend as to how Derek still wasn't understanding her. He didn't know her. If he knew her, he'd be half way to Narnia by this point.

He edged closer, cocking his head at an angle, the corners of his lip turned upward. _McDreamy_. His grin just a tiny bulletin on the list of reasons he'd earned that nickname from her.

"Your nose crinkles when something brings you some kind of joy. I know your body is dusted by more freckles than I'm able to count, even if I'm openly admitting to trying to do so before." He winked. He freaking winked at her. There goes all her organs, rustling to gooey-mush. "You like Tequila, well that's a lie, you _love_ tequila. Your house is mainly boxed away with some sort of dark and twisty you don't want to spiral back into. You love the hospital. You feel safe and secure there." Rain continuously poured heavily against the couple. "You have a lot of walls. You're obviously protecting yourself from something and that I don't know. I don't know what the hell happened to you that made you so closed off and honestly it sucks. It sucks becoming so attached to someone who just keeps flicking you away like some bug, but I know, I freaking know that you have a heart. No one else can see it but I can. I know letting those walls of yours crumble is scary, hell sometimes I don't even know if I want to let down my own walls."

He trotted closer to her vicinity; _screw personal space._ His fingers caressing her damp cheek in a light, profuse manner. "The last time I gave my heart out it didn't go very well. So now I'm standing here in the pouring rain doing it over again, because I care. I care about you Meredith Grey. I care about you so much that I think about you even when I hate you. I can whole heartedly admit that I, Derek Shepherd am falling in love with you." The atmosphere around the couple disintegrating. Meredith's frame shook gently, her hands twitching uncontrollably. She couldn't lie to Derek. She couldn't lie her way out of it now. He knew she felt _something_ for him as she'd basically screeched it out in the hallway of the hospital earlier that day.

"Derek." Meredith whispered, her emerald orbs clenching shut. "I-I..." she was lost. She couldn't convey any words. It wasn't often Meredith could admit anyone had made her speechless.

"I'm in this relationship, for the good and the bad. I am so in it is embarrassing." Meredith could feel the warmth of his minty breath against her upper lip. "Please. Come on Meredith..."

She shivered, not from the burr of the icy wet rain down pouring on her head. But from the chills creeping down her spine. He was saying all of the right things. Derek Shepherd was her knight in shining whatever. "I'm scared." She hiccuped. Meredith Grey scared, in peril. She could toughen out spiders, heights, even clowns couldn't crack her. Love. That four letter word could send her running in the blink of an eye.

But she wasn't running. Not now.

"Me too." He openly admitted. She'd be fibbing to deny it hadn't calmed her. Maybe the God known as Derek Shepherd really did have his own walls up, too.

 _"hell sometimes I don't even know if I want to let down my own walls."_ He'd told her just moments earlier. _"I can whole heartedly admit that I, Derek Shepherd am falling in love with you."_

Love was a dangerous tactic. Six months ago Meredith would have scowled at the mere thought of true love and soulmates. Now, here she stand in the middle of her driveway listening to Derek speak from the heart. "But." Meredith conjoined eyes with the pair of lustful blue parallel to hers. "I want to be scared. I want to be scared with you." Meredith stood on the tips of her toes, curling her arms around the nape of his neck. "Now, I'm going to kiss you." She catered her lips to his. They molded together in perfect harmony. Their kisses were tender, much different than the ones they'd shared a month ago when he'd been rough and demanding Derek. The two looked like they'd been taken right out of a corny hallmark movie; the leads who'd been forbidden to love one another conceal their love in the middle of a rain shower.

She invited his tongue inside, the two tongues meshing against one another as they explored each of their caverns. Derek tugged at Meredith's waist, his fingers gripping the hem of her damp t-shirt. "Mere..." a breathy, hushed tone pulsating against her upper lip. "We should, go inside." His fingers curled against her thigh, hoisting her up and into his hold. They fumbled awkwardly, Meredith's giggle ringing against Derek's eardrum while being carried into her home.

Meredith was aware of where this romantic escapade was headed and it truthfully made her gut do somersaults. The last time she'd given into temptation they'd fucked into oblivion and the morning after she'd kicked Derek out. "Derek." Meredith whispered breathlessly against his neck. She'd been dropped clumsily against the senile couch, it had belonged to her mother years and years ago, wiggling like a fish out of water. "Stop." She hadn't meant to spit it out like that. She could easily understand why Derek could have taken that out of context, she was a ticking time bomb. The lust dusting his eyes moments ago faded. Despair flooded inward and he looked as if someone had just run his puppy over.

"No, no I don't mean I want to stop." She clarified. "I just. I don't know. The last time we did this I hurt you and I, I just want the next time we do it to be special. Not when we're sopping wet and vulnerable." Dried, frizzy strands of hair hung against her face. She pushed them back, maneuvering to settle against her knees in front of Derek.

"Meredith Grey a romantic, who knew?" He laughed headily and it was euphoric to Meredith's ear drums. She'd never been one to get mushy over giggles or laughs, but Derek's had her smitten even when she was in denial of it.

She maneuvered into his lap, fingers entwining with Derek's flat and lifeless curls. "I will however accommodate you to a shower." Meredith pecked his lips lightly, grasping his hand in her own as she climbed off of his body. They scurried off upstairs Meredith leading Derek down into her bathroom. "Just because I'm letting you hop on into my shower doesn't mean this is a passport to sex." Seriousness wafted over her expression. Derek gave her a quick nod, tugging away his soiled clothing. Pulsating water from the shower head hummed in the background and blush licked flames against Meredith's chest and neck. Derek had seen her naked a thousand times, but now she felt exposed and awkward. They'd been having nonchalant sex during those times. Now they were showering together like a married couple who wanted to save money on their water bill, to a slightly sexier extent.

Her panties dropped to her ankles. Toes curling and uncurling rhythmically as she gazed at Derek like a hungry lion ready to feast on the prey. "Mere." His voice snapped her away from the absent minded day dreams pondering through her head.

"Huh?"

The corner of his lip turned upward and he gave her that 'McDreamy' grin that melted her insides. "After you." He slid the glass shower door open and bellowed, guiding her into the steamy vicinity. A longing sigh slipped from between Meredith's lips, relishing the scolding water pounding on her flesh. She'd longed for a shower for the latter part of the evening. Her overbearing laziness keeping her from the steamy cauldron. Hands latched at her waist and for just a moment she'd forgotten Derek had been there as well. Relaxing as her sluggish brain comprehended who the hands belonged to, she relaxed into his chest, nuzzling the top of her head into the nape of his neck.

"Hey." He cooed against her scalp, scattering several longing kisses upon her forehead. His fingers combing her soaked tresses soothingly.

"Hi." Her response squeaky. Meredith hadn't imagined being in such a position a few hours ago. A few hours ago she'd vowed to forget Derek Shepherd. That he was the lowest of scum on earth and deserved whatever hell came his way. Now she lay in his grasp, on cloud nine per-say. "This is so much better than sex."

He grunted; not quite a laugh but could technically be categorized as one. "Let's not go crazy." His hand reached for the washcloth drooped over the faucet of the tub, grabbing the bar of mauve colored soap. He was washing her, tenderly and attentively. Meredith couldn't remember the last time she'd showered with a man, much less had one bathe her body.

"Your soap smells good." He hummed, lathering her chest in slow strokes.

"It's lavender."

She knew Derek was grinning behind her, and that made her grin. "I love it." The washcloth travelled to her abdomen and carefully rubbed her belly in a circular motion. "Tell me something. Something no one else knows about you." His lips dusted kisses across her shoulder, shifting the rag lower on her body.

Goosebumps rose on her flesh. Her mind traveling to naughty places once Derek's hand met the cleft between her. "What?" His voice had become muffled to her.

"Tell me something no one else knows about you and it can't be that there's an actual heart in your chest." She gaped, reaching behind to lay a slap on Derek's behind.

"Shut up!" She scowled, turning in his arms only to be presented with a snarky smirk stretched along his cheeks.

His brow furrowed. "I thought we weren't having sex tonight."

"Ass slapping is not sex." Meredith reminded.

"Foreplay. Which leads to sex." He countered.

Meredith rolled her eyes shoving his chest. "I think inviting you into my shower was a bad idea."

"You're ignoring my question Meredith Grey." His thumb and forefinger latched to the cleft of her chin, lifting it upward to gaze into her eyes.

"More like walking around." Meredith giggled lightly. God. She felt so damn good to be laughing. She couldn't memorize the last time she'd had a good chuckle. It was official, Derek Shepherd turned Meredith Grey into complete mush and brought out the best in her. "Dancing."

"What?" Derek asked, scrubbing a dose of Meredith's lavender shampoo through his darkened locks.

"Dancing. I um, dance. Well not good at dancing though. I dance when I'm alone and need some cheering up. I dance it out."

"Meredith Grey has a heart, giggles, and dances. Who is this woman standing in front of me?" He dramatically pressed his hand to his chest, gasping.

"Shut up! You let that get out and I will slit your throat with my sharpest scalpel!" She began assaulting him with the washcloth. Derek howled, shoving her away.

"I SURRENDER, OKAY!" Meredith dropped the cloth and it seeped into the floor of the shower. Partly because she was scared slapping him continuously would send him into cardiac arrest and another part of her too exhausted to continue the little jests.

Derek caught his breath after heaving like a dog for a couple of minutes. He brushed the sloppy strands of Meredith's hair away from her eyes and smiled. "I'm glad I'm in your shower." He whispered, pressing her figure against his own.

"I'm glad you're in my shower too." With that they shared a sweet and tender kiss, standing under the rain of the shower.

The couple managed to finish up cleaning themselves, occasionally getting lost in kisses.

They lay side by side on Meredith's bed; Derek dressed in his boxers from earlier. Meredith in an oversized shirt falling at her mid thigh. She was propped against her elbow, toying with the charcoal colored hair lining his chest. Normally Meredith found chest hair such a turn off, not that she'd been hitting anything very often before Derek came along. However it complemented him, and his toned biceps and stomach made up for it. "Tonight doesn't fix me Derek." Meredith murmured. She knew she'd most likely ruined the end of. Perfect and magical evening. But she decided he needed to know in advance of her troubles. "I do, really like you. You make my insides turn all mushy and you're the first person in an extremely long time that has somehow managed to yank the happier and more vulnerable side of Meredith Grey out. You've made me feel again and that, that exhilarates me. But it scares me too. I'm scared Derek. I don't do the relationship thing. Well I used to but..." she drifted off, suddenly feeling a rush of uncomfortableness sifting over her. She wasn't ready to spill her deepest secrets out to Derek and he'd have to understand that.

"It's okay." He soothed, caressing her bare arm with the grip of his fingers. "We'll get there. I'm in this for the long run."

He was her security blanket. He made her whole hearted and healed. He was the thing that made her want to become whole hearted again. Derek Shepherd had changed her and for the freaking better. "I'm not out of this relationship. Healed or not. Scared or not. I'm in. And it feels so damn good to admit that." And there went one of her many concrete walls, collapsing to the ground in shattered pieces.

Meredith curled against Derek's side, guiding her head to his shoulder blade. "I won't kick you out tomorrow morning." She chimed. That got her a laugh and a nudge.

"I swear to God Meredith Grey I will kick your ass if you even try that shit tomorrow morning."

Meredith sighed. Sated. Complete. Drunk on Derek Shepherd and it felt so _damn_ good.

* * *

Bird whistles sang throughout Meredith's bedroom. Rays of bright light seeping through the lidded blinds. Meredith's eyes fluttered several times before she felt like opening them. Memories from the previous night flooded her mind and it elated her. "Mmm." She hummed sloppily, burying her face against the beige pillow her head was resting on.

Meredith halted momentarily. Realizing almost immediately Derek wasn't lying flush against her in the bed. In fact, he wasn't in the bedroom at all. Panic wafted over her. _Where the hell was Derek?_ Meredith sprang from the mattress, crumbling as the cold hardwood brushed her toes. She snatched the pair of tan bedroom shoes resting on the chair planted in the corner. Her feet slipped easily into the furry furnaces, relief washing her over.

The heady scent of, what was that? Pancakes? Pancakes, her conscious confirmed. It was definitely pancakes. The scent of the delectable lingered in her house and then it hit her. Derek must have been making breakfast. For her? Most likely, he wouldn't use her ingredients to make himself something.

But Meredith Grey didn't own pancake batter. Or anything to make pancakes for that matter.

She ventured down the creaky stairs, catering to the kitchen where she found Derek standing, back to her, in front of the stove. He was fully dressed in his clothing from the night before. Suddenly she felt highly underdressed in her scarce grey Dartmouth t-shirt. He must've heard her walk in because a few seconds later a, "Good Morning, Mere." Easily slipped from his lips.

"Good Morning." Her voice hoarse and groggy. Mornings weren't particularly Meredith's strong point. "What are you cooking?" She didn't know Derek could cook. There were lots of things she probably didn't know about him in truth.

He turned to face her, setting a stack of perfectly plump pancakes on her countertop. "Pancakes." He grinned eagerly. "I woke up this morning and I went to the store. I'm kind of a health nut so I don't normally devour super sugary things but pancakes are my weakness. I figured you'd like pancakes since I think everyone likes pancakes." He babbled like it was normal. Like it was completely normal to be cooking in her kitchen and making her pancakes.

"I, um, yeah I love pancakes." She conveyed, planting herself into the barstool. "They're my favorite."

"I must be a mind reader."

Meredith giggled, running her hands through her hair. "You don't have a lot of hair products by the way, I had to make do with mouse and hairspray."

She'd never taken notice to how much product he used for his head of hair. She felt slightly offended as hair was the one thing she actually took her time with. His hair however, was God like. An Adonis head of hair attached to a person. "Well now I'm just offended." Meredith pouted, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip.

Derek trotted to her, plopping in the seat next to her. "It takes a village to tame this mane, don't feel bad." He pecked her cheek, shoving a stack of pancakes in her direction.

Meredith grinned cheekily, gazing into Derek's eyes. They were glittered with love and attention and it wasn't hard to figure out he was falling hard for her. For once in Meredith's life she could admit her feelings were mutual and she enjoyed her secluded bubble with Derek Shepherd.

She pecked his lips lightly, turning back to her stack of pancakes before diving in.

 **Authors note:**

TEAM MERDER! Yay! Now we can really get this story going where I've intended all along. I hope his fluffy chapter of Meredith and Derek sufficed for the long wait. I don't normally take that long because I had no idea how I wanted to start this chapter but once I figured it out it was all set from there. This authors note is quite short compared to my others but I'm dog tired and I promised I'd have this out Friday night even if it is just minutes before midnight LMAO! Please please PLEASE comment and give me your thoughts! Those favorites and votes and comments are what make me interested in writing more. So just take a few minutes and tell me what you thought of what you want to happen! Love you guys ((:


	7. Making love out by the lake 7

"Mere..." an elated grin preening across Derek's cheeks. Honey-blonde tresses sprawled against his glittering irises as the woman straddling his lap lined the flesh of his neck with love-bites. The couple tucked away in a cot located in the infamous on-call room. The romantic escapade they'd each endured almost two weeks ago couldn't have been going any smoother. Even though Meredith had explicitly explained she wanted their relationship kept on the low as she wouldn't want to be bombarded by pesky subordinates, Derek relished the secluded bubble they were nestled in, for the time being at least.

"I said no talking." Her voice muffled against the dip in his collarbone.

She'd certainly kept her word on the "no sex" behest she'd conducted moments after he'd sloppily trudged them into her home. Derek wasn't a horny fifteen year old, even if the slightest glances at Meredith's figure brought naughty images to his mind, he could respect her plead and give her the space she needed. He wasn't a complete moron, he knew Meredith was just nervous about the entire ordeal. They'd endured sexual activity so many times as nothing more than a couple of hormonal co-workers. Yet, this was a completely different level of intimacy they were reaching. Meredith was damaged in an emotional sense and most likely wasn't ready to commit herself to a carnal invitation of 'love making' to Derek Shepherd.

And that was perfectly alright with Derek. He could pull on his big boy trousers and wait for the woman he loved to get ready.

Meredith's fingers trickled to Derek's raven hued curls, raking the tips of her nails against his scalp. A low throaty grunt sifted between Derek's lips, indicating he took a liking to her actions. "No really, Meredith."

"Do you want me to stop?" She lifted her head from the crook of Derek's neck, contorting her brows together. Green meshed with blue. The irked expression Meredith carried only moments ago faded off into oblivion and the crinkle in her forehead softened. "What's wrong?"

Derek sighed heavily, entwining his fingers into the whirl of lavender scented hair sprouting from his girlfriends scalp. Oh how he _adored_ the aroma of lavender. "It's nothing you did. It's just something I've kind of been itching to get off my chest." Meredith almost instantly rustled away from Derek's crotch, propping her body up against each of her elbows. Her neck craned, locking eyes with his own. She was an exotic woman. Rare and complicated to figure out, especially deciphering her mood. Luckily for him, her emerald orbs happened to be the gates to her soul. Just by taking a quick peak at her eyes, he could read her in an instant. The lust and desire filling her soul only a few seconds ago had washed away and an expression of curiosity and confusion filled inward.

"It's nothing bad." He reassuringly added, fearing she'd conjure the wrong idea he'd set in stone. "Actually, you're most likely going to think it's silly." Derek jerked, chuckling lightly.

Meredith curled her hand around Derek's bicep, squeezing his muscle reassuringly. "Come on spit it out, I promise I won't make fun of you and scorch your overbearing ego." He scoffed at the comment, shoving her to the side in a playful manner.

"Shut the hell up, my ego is not _that_ big. In fact I believe yours is far larger than mine, Dr. Grey." He found a cynical pleasure in tormenting Meredith in ways such as that one. She didn't take commentary like that lightly, _especially_ from Derek. Her temper was a ticking time bomb and he knew this, but the miniature demolitions were definitely worth the way her nostrils flared and the way anger licked flames across her neck and face.

Meredith grimaced at him, whipping his arm with her tiny ineffectual hand. "Do you want to ask me your pondering question or conduct a world war three over who's ego is bigger?"

"Well you are the one who brought it up." He countered, bouncing each of his brows rhythmically to tease her. She giggled at the gesture. Oh man how he freaking _loved_ that giggle. By far his favorite noise in the whole world, other than her moans of pleasure that is, that came to a pretty close second. She rolled her eyes in a tried and true nonetheless Meredith Grey fashion before curling next to him. Her head nuzzled against the nape of his neck, awaiting to hear the question he'd prepared for her. "Can I take you on a date? I mean our little dates in on-call rooms and me stopping by your house after a shift is nice and all but," he paused, shifting to his side. "I want to have a real date. Where I pick you up and we go out to a restaurant together." The corner of his lip twitched upward.

Meredith blinked a couple of times and Derek assumed she was collecting her thoughts. He didn't know much about her past for sure but it didn't take a rocket scientist to conclude she most likely had not been on a 'date' in a while. "I-I thought we agreed on keeping this thing we have going _private_." Her tone hushed and weary. Derek figured when she'd asked him to keep the relationship a secret he'd thought she just enjoyed their little bubble together. Now however, he wondered if there were other reasons behind her request. Meredith Grey wasn't one to care for anyone's opinion, he'd realized that long ago.

Baffled by her response, he grasped her hand in his own. "It doesn't have to be somewhere near the hospital if that's what you're worried about. Come on Mere, how can we be a couple if you won't even let me take you out on a date?"

She gazed at him through lidded eyelids, moving her hand to the tip of the 'V' neckline on his navy scrubs. "Fine. If it means that much to you. We can go to some fancy restaurant and you can tell me how pretty I look in my dress while I flaunt over how exquisite the meal is."

"Are you mocking my idea of a perfect date?" He coerced and immediately he recognized the sneaky expression her orbs held within. _The gates to her soul._

"Don't expect me to order a salad and pretend I don't know what the hell a steak is." She winked at him, shifting off of the twin bed she and Derek had been resting on for the last half hour. The springs under the mattresses creaked in distress as Meredith's weight shifted to the edge.

Derek laughed. A euphoric one at that. Meredith was his breath of fresh air. A completely different breed of 'women' for sure, beating the stereotypical gorgeous blonde motif. He'd been drowning, down under for so long it's like he'd forgotten how to breathe. Yet she'd saved him and he couldn't be anymore thankful for that. A buzzing noise distracted Derek from his day dreams and he'd realized once back to reality it had been his pager.

"I've gotta go, Mere." His expression crumpled and working on a brain was the last thing he wanted to be doing at this very moment. He leaned forward, meshing his lips to hers for a brilliant lip lock. No tongue, but passionate and steamy at the least. He enjoyed keeping Meredith wanting more. "I'll see you at seven tonight, okay?"

Meredith nodded, planting a few pecks across the corner of Derek's lip. "Mm alright. Have fun with your neuro case." He grunted, snatching his white lab coat that had been carelessly slumped to the floor forty five minutes ago when he'd first entered the on-call room.

* * *

His consult was easy to say the least. _Boring_ could have been a better term to describe the scenario however without cases such as these it wouldn't be neuro. Just a simple brain bleed. He'd done a ton of them and he knew the procedure by heart. Kinda like riding a bike, he just understood how to do it with ease.

"So who do you think it is?" Chimed a nurse, gossiping with a few others by the nurses station.

Derek was familiar with the daily rumors and secrets zooming around this hospital. This place seemed to hold more secrets than the witness protection program. He snickered to himself lightly. _"What if Seattle Grace was actually a secret witness protection program?"_ His conscience tended to take him to odd places at times he itched for enlightenment, but that thought was certainly a new one.

He ran a hand through his darkened curls, glancing back over to the chatty nurses who seemed to be discreetly staring at him. Derek jibed closer to the cluster of nurses. Curiosity took its toll and he knew the women were gossiping about him. He just didn't know what they were conveying.

"Who knows, maybe he doesn't have one." Rasped a short and plump nurse he'd recognized from a few of his surgeries she'd scrubbed in on.

A blonde one chortled and another brunette snorted like a pig. "Oh come on, you know that sack of eye candy has someone up his sleeve. I mean when he first got here he was nothing more than an antisocial freak who sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria. Now he marches around like he owns the place. Someone has definitely gotten into his pants." The nurse smirked turning back to the chart she'd been working on moments earlier.

"Maybe it's Dr. Grey."

Derek felt his heart skip a beat. There was no way they could know Meredith was the woman who had his heart wrapped around their finger. Even if he desired to shout it from the rooftops that Meredith Grey was his, he respected her and wouldn't want anyone knowing unless she wanted them to.

"She's been nicer lately and nearly not as bitchy. Maybe they've gotten together and rubbed off on another." The women finished.

The skinny blonde shook her head. "No way. Medusa is too much a bitch to be with a guy. Plus Dr. McDreamy is probably dating some model just as beautiful as he is. He wouldn't go for mediocre Grey." The clot of women chortled like a pack of monkeys at the blondes commentary.

Derek's blood coiled within and he was sure a big bright vein was popping out on his forehead. Those women didn't know Meredith, _his_ Meredith. She wasn't a cold hearted beast, she was authoritative and took no ones bullshit. She had a heart a beautiful one at that. Meredith had walls, lots of them, and as unfortunate as it was no one seemed to understand that. Instead they leaped to the conclusion of she being nothing more than a woman with rattlesnakes for hair that turned individuals into rock hard stone.

He wouldn't have said a word. Derek would have walked off and pretended he'd never listened to the conversation. But they'd questioned Meredith's beauty. Her appearance. Those nurses made it sound like she was an Alien from the planet Neptune or something. She was flawless to Derek. At times he felt he wasn't _good_ enough for _her_. That Meredith Grey was far out of his league when it came to beauty. She was gorgeous and he sure as hell wanted everyone else around him to know that as well.

"Don't any of you women have anything pleasant to say? This is a hospital not a lunch table where secrets and rumors slew around. Every day I walk by you four and nothing but lies and revolting comments fly out of your mouths. You aren't to judge anyone's appearance or personality ever again or so help me I will have all of you fired in an instant." His jaw clenched tight and he felt _empowered_. "By the way, I don't think any of my personal affairs concern you, now do they?" The clot of ladies shook their heads so fast they could have developed whiplash.

Derek grinned, his bright irises narrowing at them. "Glad we have an understanding. It was lovely chatting with you all." With a wink and a satisfied sigh, he trod down the corridor feeling high and mighty.

Derek fished his phone out of the pocket of his scrub pants, deciding now would be a good time to make the reservations for his romantic evening with Meredith. He was a romantic. A _hopeless_ one at that. He thrived on bouquets of red roses, chocolate in the form of a heart, and candle lit dinners by a perfect view. Deep down, Derek realized Meredith was most likely _allergic_ to the lovey-dovey escapades he conjured in his mind. But for the moment he'd like to pretend everything in his life was just the way he wanted it.

He hurdled right into a fellow co-worker, obviously paying far more attention to the date he'd planned with his girlfriend rather than paying attention. A slew of notes blanketed the speckled flooring and a muffled "great." hissed from the redhead standing parallel to Derek.

"I'm so sorry." He divulged sincerely. It surely hadn't been the first time he'd been wrapped up in some sort of 'who can knock down who first' indulgence.

The woman lifted her head and right off the bat he recognized her. Dr. April Kepner. She being another one to pile onto the list of people he'd knocked down like a set of bowling pins. "I guess we both have a thing for bumping into one another, huh?" He chuckled for only a few seconds, handing her the stack of papers he'd caused her to drop.

"O-Oh it's fine Dr. Shepherd, don't worry about it." Before Derek even had a chance to blink she'd zipped down the walkway and turned down the corner. Dr. Kepner ignored him on the daily basis. No matter how many times Derek had tried to come up with some sort of solution to get her to like him, none of his tactics had received a successful outcome. He shrugged to himself, twisting back around to head off to the O.R. to perform his brain bleed surgery.

* * *

 _6:58 PM_

The numbers displayed across the screen of his cellphone. In truth, he felt ridiculous for showing up at Meredith's house so early. In fact he'd arrived seven minutes ago but felt he was pushing it if he were to lay a knock on her front door too early. So for the last five minutes he drove around the neighborhood in repetitive circles. He prayed a few times, hoping this evening would be just as perfect as the one they'd had two weeks ago. He wasn't expecting anything from her after the date, sex being the main item on that menu. Sure, he'd go for it if she wanted to but without her consent, _little Derek_ would be staying inside for the night.

Three knocks. He knocked three separate times on her door. Derek's foot tapped anxiously against the pavement of her front porch. He thought Meredith needed a welcome mat resting in front of the entrance. Hell, he thought her house needed a lot of things. He shoved each of his hands into the front pockets of his blazer, inexplicably nervous. Derek had never ventured anywhere with his woman other than Seattle Grace and her home. He'd yet to take her to his humble abode, yet she'd never asked and in the pit of his gut he found relief of that thought.

The creaking of the front door drew his attention back into reality only to be thrown back to cloud nine after catching sight of Meredith. "Hey." She flashed him a quick smile, tugging at the hem of her dress.

If he were a bastard, Derek would have with no doubt about it, pushed Meredith back into the house and fucked her right there on the floor of her living room. She was beautiful before, now she was **gorgeous**. This was supermodel Meredith, extra sexy addition. He skimmed her head to toe, taking in every detail dressing her figure. His suit and tie was a Honda Civic compared to her Lamborghini.

"Holy." Derek couldn't stop himself before the word spilled out of his mouth like vomit. Blush inflamed his skin and suddenly he felt like a moron. "I um, you, you're outfit." He stuttered uncontrollably which was weird for him, he never had any trouble communicating to Meredith Grey. "You look beautiful." Considering she made no snarky comment at his slip up, he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders.

"You too." Meredith winked and her emerald orbs twinkled in the moonlight. "So," she started, closing and locking the door behind her. "Where the hell are we going?" Meredith linked her arm around Derek's, walking at a snails rate to his Porsche Cayenne parked at the curb of her street.

"Sorry." Meredith commented, before he had a chance to reply to her question. "I'm not a heels girl." Another reason Meredith was his breath of fresh air, she wasn't like most girls. Most girls were fluent in the language of heel strutting; Meredith the exception and Derek admired her diversity.

"Maybe I should just carry you around for the night." Their chortles mingled and created a melody together.

Meredith reached the passenger side of his car, pulling on the black handle lightly to tug the door open. "Hmm, you know I'm a woman who prefers to do things on her own." The couple slid into the car cabin, settling before Derek pushed in the 'start' button of his vehicle. The Porsche purred softly and Derek grinned to himself, secretly _in love_ with his car.

"Oh yes, you've told me how many times? A thousand?" He made a small U-turn around the block and sailed out of Meredith's street.

He was focused on the road but he knew Meredith had rolled her eyes. "Ha. Ha. Funny, Derek. Now stop beating around the bush and tell me where you're Kidnapping to!"

"It's not Kidnapping if you agree to it."

"Derek!" She hissed. "Stop walking around the subject!"

"It's a surprise." He could sense her annoyance from across the console not even needing to take a look at her.

"I didn't take you as Porsche man." Meredith coerced, leaning against the armrest.

Derek sighed contently, relaxing into the black interior of his seat. "I didn't take myself as one, either." Derek had never been a man to care about the finer things in life. He'd been content for a while back in New York with his 2004 Land Rover and the small loft he lived in. He'd relished in the rich lifestyle before, living in a Manhattan home with a fancy car and a fancy private practice. He'd found new meaning to his life once he ditched the private practice and began a new one when moving across the country to Seattle. It seemed a tad like a stretch to splurge on a Porsche, especially an SUV at that but the arrogant and conniving man buried deep inside his soul demanded he have the car.

"I suppose it suits you." She giggled softly, creeping her fingers to his mid thigh. "It's _sexy_." Derek adored the way words rolled off Meredith's tongue, but he especially enjoyed the way 'sexy' melted like butter against her cavern. If the world worked in his favor, Meredith Grey would walk around naked in high heels, whispering the word sexy against his earlobe over and over again.

It was certainly times such as that one he wished his conscience wasn't so imaginative.

* * *

The dinner date so far was blander than the chopped salad Derek engorged as an appetizer. Classical music hummed lightly throughout the dining area, filling the awkward silence drifting between Meredith and Derek. They seemed to be the most 'youthful' couple in the restaurant as the others were much older and content with silence.

Derek eyed Meredith's fork, watching the metal scrape against the ceramic plate in an attempt to shove her side order of potatoes together, an effort to create the illusion she'd _actually_ eaten something. He wasn't an idiot. He was flipping neurosurgeon for crying out loud. It was at that very moment Derek wished he would have listened to Meredith about how boring fancy dinners were.

"Meredith." Derek whispered, feeling as if he raised his voice any higher it would disturb the quiet crowd around them. "I-I um." He couldn't form a single sentence. He'd already embarrassed himself enough with the high class eating establishment.

She cleared her throat in a hearty fashion, folding each of her hands against the pristine table cloth. "Derek." She mocked. Derek could read Meredith though her eyes. _The gates to her soul._ And the only message written loud and clear across her irises was boredom and disappointment. "I'm going to be forward with you because I feel like I've been keeping things back to protect you and that's not who I am." Her hand pressed against her chest and she leaned closer.

Panic splotched all across his skin and goosebumps erupted from peril all over his flesh. "Is this a breakup, Meredith?" The words sloshed out onto the table before his subconscious had a moment to think. She'd said she was keeping things back, _not breaking up._

"What? No Derek please let me get a freaking word out before you go and jump to your own conclusion." For a moment annoyance hazed her irises but the expression softened only moments later. As if Meredith just couldn't stay angry at him no matter what she tried. She reached across the table and her hand found his, intertwining their fingers together. They fit like the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle. "I don't do fancy dinners. I don't get excited over girl clothes and accessories. Sure, I wear makeup and do my hair on the daily when I'm not at the hospital but it's not who I am. I don't wear high heels or tight dresses and to be honest with you I chafe at the thought of having to shave my legs. I'm not a _tomboy_ by any means but I'm not a perfect little princess either. I like guts. I like bowels. And I like bladders because I'm a general surgeon and that is who I am. So I put up a dress and did my makeup and I even slipped on a pair of heels because I wanted to make you happy. But I can't be happy too if I have to pretend to be something I'm not." She squeezed her hand around his own. "I like simple. Simple is far more than good."

Derek nodded and preened like a peacock. "I think I have something you'll like a lot more than this." Without explaining he'd slapped a hundred dollar bill down on the table and rose from his seat, keeping a firm grasp on Meredith dainty hand.

"Derek where are we going?" He ignored her question, dashing out of the restaurant hurriedly to find his car.

"Don't worry about it." He smirked, releasing the hold on her hand to pile into the vehicle.

* * *

The tires on the Cayenne squeaked as it came to a stop on the gravel road. Now was a better time than ever to bring Meredith to his own home. He'd been nervous before, knowing she enjoyed judging things to extent. After her orate at the dinner table though, all those worked up nerves flew away.

"Where are we?" Meredith asked, climbing out of the car. He watched her glance around at the trees, the distant lake, and especially the silver trailer centered on the acre.

Derek got out of the car and a whistle went off indicating he'd locked it. "Meredith, you see that trailer over there? That's my house and I live there. I bought this piece of land when I moved out to Seattle and I immediately fell in love. It's quiet and it gives me perspective when I want to think. It's all mine and I've yet decided what on earth I want to do with it."

She took a few steps forward, the tips of her heels sinking into the dewey grass. Meredith inhaled slowly, exhaling at the same steady rate. "So no one else lives here, just you?"

"Unless you count the neighbors ten miles back then yes, just me, my land, and my trailer."

She smiled. A nuclear, radiant grin that could light up a million stars. "It's beautiful." Meredith turned to face him and lust glittered her expression. "Do you have a dock?"

The question threw him off slightly to say the least. Why the hell did it matter if his lake provided a dock? "Yes, would you want to see it?"

Meredith nodded and the couple trotted across the lawn. They passed the trailer and turned by a few oak trees before coming in contact with an old rustic dock and a blood red lounge chair. "I fish here sometimes when I'm not forced to be at the hospital." Derek added. "I enjoy fly fishing very much." He gave her an infamous haughty smirk and she replied with an infamous eye roll. He enjoyed her eye rolls, scratch that, he loved her eye rolls.

"Hmm." Not a question but not a statement either. Meredith's heels clacked along the boards of the walkway, halting at the edge. She stepped out of the shiny shoes and Derek guessed it was due to the fact her feet were killing her.

Oh boy was he off.

The sound of her zipper screeched through the night and before Derek could protest it became a heap by her ankles.

"Meredith, what are you doing?" He asked, her bra the next victim of her strip tease.

Her neck twisted at a ninety degree angle, just far enough to catch a glimpse of him. "You said no one lived here but you, right?" He nodded. "Okay good, now as you can see I'm getting _very_ naked right in front of your eyes and I'm going to jump off this dock and into the water. Then you're going to strip and jump into the lake as well and we're going to repair the shitty date we had. Do you understand?"

He didn't reply. He couldn't reply. Meredith had dropped her panties and leaped into the murky water before he could blink. Her head sprouted upward and another one of those brilliant grins she'd carried with her minutes earlier eased its way across her cheeks.

"Are you going to jump in or not? I'm wet and naked. The least you could do is do the same for me." She pushed those long blonde tresses back against her shoulders and swam aside to give Derek some room to jump. She had him at _wet and naked_ and soon enough a pile of discarded clothing lined the dock.

After making a slash that could have been countered as one of the worlds biggest cannonballs, Derek jibed to his girlfriend who was indeed, very wet and naked. The water rested at chest level for him and neck for her. He enjoyed she was a couple inches shorter, it gave him piece of mind for some reason he couldn't care less to explain. He snaked each arm around her waist firmly, strewing his hands up her abdomen and to her chest where he cupped each of her breasts.

"I think I'm enjoying this do-over date." His breath piercing against the glistening flesh of her neck. He worshipped her shoulder and neck with his lips, attentively kissing every exposed inch of her skin. His thumbs circling across her perky nipples under the water as well.

Derek wanted this to be about her. He wanted to make-up for the fact he'd taken her on such a crummy date. "Mmm." Meredith hummed, turning in his hold. Each of her arms enveloped around Derek's neck. Her legs wrapping around his waist firmly. "Me too." She whispered raising her lips to his.

Derek's hand lowered and his fingers curled around her small thigh to hold her body up. Nothing about this moment could be anymore perfect than it already was. Derek Shepherd was wet, naked, and in a lake holding the woman he loved in his arms.

"Make love to me." Meredith whispered against Derek's chin.

He blinked several times, wondering if he'd been dreaming when she'd utter those four words to him. "What?"

She pressed her forehead against his, a euphoric grin stretching across her cheeks. "Derek Shepherd, make love to me right here and right now before I change my freaking mind."

He was elated. He'd been aching for this moment for six weeks, counting the time he'd been separated from her. All those weeks ago when she'd told him to leave her house seemed like nothing but a vague memory to him. They were together now and Derek was preparing to make love to his lady in waiting.

The moment just got even better.

He seethed his hardened erection between her thighs, rubbing his tip against the cleft located between her legs. "I love you, Meredith Grey." He whispered against her ear, maneuvering himself into her tight channel. She didn't say the three worded sentence back but he knew she felt it. Derek Shepherd knew Meredith Grey was in love with him. She was just nervous to admit it and he'd give her time. He'd wait for her. He will always wait for her.

Meredith croaked a stuttered moan and her nails dug into Derek's ravenous mane. He pulled in and out of her body at a slow and easy pace, making sure to hit every single nerve coating her insides. Their time spent in the lake was much different than the one they'd endured six weeks ago when he'd confessed his feelings the first time. He'd screwed her that night. This night however, Derek was making love to Meredith and it felt damned good too.

 **Authors note:**

AHH! I UPDATED TWICE IN ONE WEEKEND WHOO GO ME! Before you try and tell me this is some filler chapter, IT IS NOT. It's merder goodness mixed with a tad porniness at the end. It's important you pay close attention to the chapter. I promise I'm bringing back everyone else from this story because even though I just want this to be about Meredith and Derek all the time unfortunately it can't. I know, tragic. You kinda got an insight about Derek's passed when I mentioned his car but I'll go more in depth. REMEMBER MEREDITH IS NOT WHOLE HEARTED HEALED SO DONT THINK SHES READY TO COMMIT FOREVER GET MARRIED AND POP OUT A BABY MCDREAMY! Lmao we can find our way there eventually but for now this is what you get. I've yet to write a full fledged sex scene and I was wondering if you guys would want me to do that without it being too weird? Idk I was going to do it this chapter but I have something really special planned (; so I might do it then. LET ME KNOW! Anyways please please please comment and vote and favorite and all that good stuff. THE FEEDBACK MAKES ME WANT TO UPDATE. And as much as I enjoy the "loved this!" Comments I'd like to see what you thought of the chapter and what more you want to see, ya know? Anyways this note is long and if you read it I applaud you. I love all of you so much and I hope you enjoyed this chapter (:


	8. Love club 8

_Cynical snickers echoed alongside rustles of swaying pine trees. Feet splashing against murky puddles of lake water, creating a trail along the dock walkway. The breeze pricked against the couples dampened flesh. Meredith crouched near the edge and the walkway creaked eerily. Her fingers crunched around the soppy strands of honey-blonde. She wrung her tresses out once, twice, and a third time. Wind whipped her porcelain skin and her teeth chattered like an Eskimo down in the tundra with no coat to keep warm._

 _"I can't believe we had_ _ **sex**_ _in the lake." Meredith quipped, rising from her squat. She hugged her frame and self consciousness took her over. She was feeling bashful. Even if Derek had seen her naked more times than she could count on both hands._

 _Derek shook his head like a wet dog who'd just leaped out a swimming pool. His frizzled, droopy locks hung against his eyes. With his right hand he pushed the deflated curls back and left cleaning the clothing from the dock they'd left strewn there a little over an hour ago. "Don't pretend like it wasn't your idea." He cocked his brow and sank his teeth against the bottom of his lip. "And you know you_ _ **loved**_ _every minute of it."_

 _Blush crescendoed across Meredith's cheeks and nose. She couldn't argue with that. If their skin hadn't pruned to the intensity of a shriveled raisin and their bodies weren't so fatigued from the penetration, Meredith and Derek would have bounced around in the body of water all night if allowed. "I think you're ego is slightly too big for your dick right now."_

 _"Oh trust me, my dick is_ _ **much**_ _bigger than my ego." Mischief flashed across his irises and Meredith couldn't deny she'd glanced downward to catch another glimpse at his now flaccid penis._

 _"Mmm..." she hummed lowly, curling her finger tips around the black stilettos carelessly lying across the wooden walkway. "I'm too tired to argue with you right now." She laughed and her stringy locks hung as her head lowered to ride the wave of her chortle out. She sucked in a breath, relishing the nature surrounding her. Meredith trotted to Derek, intertwining their fingers together in a secure grasp. "Take me back to your_ _ **lovely**_ _trailer." Her tone hinted a tease but also radiated sincerity._

 _He made no hesitations at her impending request, leading her off the dock and down the patch of dewey grass. Derek conveyed the nearest form of human life to the trailer was at least ten miles back. Which concludes anyone could freely walk around nude with no modesty or concerns of someone catching a glimpse. Even if his statements were factually one hundred percent true, Meredith couldn't dispose of the feeling gnawing at her gut. In the back of her mind she pictured a cop seizing the couple to a halt, catching them both in a naked state, a result from the naughty escapade in his lake. This wasn't her first time taking a dip with no clothing. Meredith attended a sleep away camp one time when she was twelve. Young and vulnerable Meredith Grey was a socially awkward little girl with fiery fuchsia tresses. She claims the pink hair and dark eyeliner showed rebellion to Satan also known as her mother who happened to be a real bitch, scratch that,_ _ **still is a real bitch**_ _. To sum the tragically humiliating tale up, Meredith Grey had been dared to skinny dip at the camps lake. She hadn't understood until afterward the menacing girls had tricked her, stolen her clothes, and run off letting Meredith take the blame for a crime she hadn't even initiated._

 _Divulging to a camp counselor as to why you're buck naked in the lake didn't make for such a pleasant conversation. "You're completely positive no one lives near here? I just don't want to get caught escaping the lake naked again." She commented._

 _He snorted at her commentary and they came to a stop a few feet from the silver cabin. "Again?" She could read the curiosity beaming across his face._

 _"I was twelve. I was at a sleep away camp. A group of bitchy girls with clumpy makeup got me to leap into a lake, naked." Meredith enveloped her arms around her bosom, diverting her attention to her toes wiggling freely in the dampened soil her feet were resting in._

 _Derek cocked his head to the side, a coy smile decorating his cheeks. "I don't think I would have taken you for a camp kind of girl." His nose wriggled playfully at the woman standing parallel to him. Meredith seeming flustered by his notion, reached out just to smack his bare chest._

 _"Shut up you asshole! I had bright pink hair and had an extensive eyeliner collection. Fitting in wasn't a ride through the park."_

 _"I was a band geek."_

 _Meredith's brow crinkled. What did being a band geek have to do with anything their conversation pertained to? "Excuse me?" Even she could pinpoint the moment her tone snapped in an inexplicably flustered manner. She was dripping wet all over the deck of his trailer, freezing her ass off while wind whipped at her flesh every second it got the chance. How could she not be annoyed?_

 _"I know what you mean by the whole, socially awkward thing. In high school I played in my school marching band. I didn't have many friends but I found security in band. I also sported an Afro. Having a curly perm doesn't make for a good conversation beginner." He was humoring her. Well he had to at least. There was no such logic in this world as to where 'Derek Shepherd the Adonis of hair and super hot bod' had been nothing more than a scrawny kid in the marching band with a curly hairdo._

 _However, he wouldn't jest at her. Derek knew better than to toy with Meredith's brain. A ray of sunshine blazed right over the dark mist clouding her head and she found clarity. She hadn't pictured Derek as the loner who got picked at for his hair. Even if his antisocial persona was prominent when they'd first encountered each other. She always assumed he just hadn't met anyone he liked talking to at Seattle Grace. He'd been_ _ **broken**_ _too. Meredith Grey could fully relate to Derek Shepherd on something. He wasn't always McDreamy._

 _ **"hell sometimes I don't even know if I want to let down my own walls."**_ _He had walls. He'd mentioned this to her weeks ago when he'd showed up at her doorstep in the pouring rain and his comment seemed to have flown over her head until now. Until freaking now. What had started as a simple statement to ease her nerves had conjured into a mind boggling discovery, even as silly at it sounded and she was aware of it._

 _"A band nerd, I never would have pictured you as one." Meredith showed off a fifty watt grin._

 _"Geek, not nerd." He corrected haughtily, attentively gazing into her emerald irises. The look._ _ **His**_ _look. The one that brought goosebumps to Meredith's skin. The one he was flashing her right now and her organs now melting into soupy piles of warm jello. "I didn't take you as a pink hair woman either." His commentary whisked Meredith away from the daydream she'd scooped herself into._

 _A thick giggle vibrated throughout Meredith's throat, more than less of chortle. "I told you, I was a_ _ **rebel**_ _and I hated the entire human population."_

 _"Except you wanted to go out to a sleep away camp where there are in fact, lots of the human population."_

 _"I figured I'd try and give communication a try. But all it got me was an awkward and_ _ **very**_ _naked conversation with the counselor. As well as this nasty rash on my left ass cheek" the woods whispered in the background of their commentary._

 _The sparks glittering Derek's eyes made Meredith feel euphoric. He had this natural glow in his eye, however when around her they sparkled much brighter and she knew he was engrossing her contently. "I bet you listened to a lot of Alanis Morissette."_

 _"Maybe." She hinted, padding closer to the front door of his humble abode. "Can you take me inside already? It's freezing out here."_

 _"I suppose I can let you in." He reached over Meredith's petite figure, hooking his index and middle finger under the handle. He'd warned her to back up as he didn't want the metal entrance to hit her when it swung open._

 _A breath of a warm air pulsated against Meredith's flesh. Goosebumps rose. She stepped into the cabin and the fragrance of pine trees and lemon brushed her nostrils. The trailer appeared larger on the inside than on the outside for sure. She hadn't expected everything to be so... tidy. Her home was a wreck. More boxes than a home that is. The mental pep-talk she'd conveyed with herself concluding that since this was a trailer it was much easier to maintain than her two story house made her feel slightly better._

 _"It's not much." He interrupted her thoughts and she turned to face him. "But it's_ _ **cozy**_ _." There it was. The magic word Meredith had been wracking her brain on as to how to describe this place._

 _'If you could describe Derek's trailer in one word, what would it be?' Cozy. Most definitely cozy. "It's perfect." She conducted. Meredith set her damp clothing in a heap by the door mat. She snorted. Derek had actually went out to a store and purchased a doormat for his trailer._ _ **Home sweet home**_ _printed in bold blackened letters. "Although I surely wasn't expecting this when you took me out here. I mean, you just don't seem like the little trailer on big land type."_

 _"No need to talk 'Ms. lives in a fancy mansion' I didn't take you as a big house girl."_

 _If there was one thing Meredith could spot easily about Derek most definitely was that he enjoyed comparing them. Not in a 'who's better than who' way but more of a rivalry. A_ _ **teasing**_ _rivalry that is. "That's my mothers old house and I can't just sell it I..." the air grew thick with tension. "I just can't get rid of it." Derek's facial expression deciphered he didn't want to push the topic on her as it seemed to have brought in a toxic memory._

 _"I had all of those things in the past." He was changing the subject. Making her feel better._ _ **Her**_ _ **security**_ _ **blanket**_ _. "Back in New York. I had the fancy house and the cars. I had the private practice and the money. The extravagant parties, the_ _ **girls**_ _, the alcohol. I think I got so caught up in it all that I lost a little bit of myself in the process and I don't ever want to go back to the guy I was in New York." His conversation had taken a sour turn. Meredith's stomach knotted. His statement tempted her to flee the scene and google 'who is Derek Shepherd?' However she couldn't penalize him for carrying a past around. Everyone had a past they were mournfully lugging around in hopes the memories could whisk away and forever be forgotten. Even Meredith had a past. A dark and treacherous alley she never wanted to wander back down. Derek claimed he knew Meredith Grey. He didn't know her. The_ _ **real**_ _her._

 _"Well I like trailer Derek,_ _ **very**_ _much." Her words rich and hazed with a hint of lust. They stood in silence for just a couple seconds, a comfortable silence though. She trotted through the hallway of his home. Her fingertips grazing the countertops of his miniature kitchen. Every item had its own specific spot. She hadn't known Derek was cleanly, in the sense he kept his home and personal belongings organized. As unfortunate as it sounded, this trailer ranked far higher on the 'homey' feel rather than her own house._

 _"Does this trailer accommodate a shower?" The naughty look glazing Derek's eyes gave her an immediate hint he was desiring her carnally. "Before you answer that, I'm too tired to hump again."_

 _He chuckled at the commentary, padding closer to her frame. Derek's fingers curled against her small hips, pulling her figure closer to his own. "Showers to the left." He leant closer. The adoration he had for her presented itself through just the simplest of actions. Even if those actions consisted of his thumb simply stroking her bare hip or pushing back wispy tresses hanging in her eyes. "And I'm not going to ask for sex."_

 _Meredith preened like a peacock. Her head rested against his nude chest and in that moment the world was just the two of them._

 _And it was marvelous._

 _"Good, because I'm too tired." She was reluctant on cleansing her body without Derek standing behind her in the shower. However the thought diminished instantly. It wasn't hard to predict the intimate skintoskin contact would be a starting point of sexual endures and her aching body screamed to give it a rest just for the night at least. She couldn't ignore the pleads of her throbbing muscles, they were reverent on getting her clean and straight to bed._

 _Meredith followed the directions Derek had given her; in reality the journey to his shower was nothing more than a few steps down a corridor. Her fingers curled on the silver handle and she pried the glass door open. In the few months Meredith had known Derek, she'd discovered he enjoyed scolding showers. They'd only bathed together a few times in the short term of their relationship, however each time he made sure the handle twisted as far as it could manage to the tiny red 'H' labeled on the knob. She secretly thanked the heavens he wasn't joining her this night. Her body couldn't handle another round of kinky water sex and a bucket of fiery water to top it off._

 _The tension creeping through her posture softened as the warm water drizzled down her skin. She felt incredibly grimy after her dip in the lake. Meredith wanted to lather her figure and drown in a tsunami of lavender. Unfortunately, this was_ _ **Derek's**_ _shower. He didn't own any lavender. In fact, he barely owned_ _ **anything**_ _with a heady scent. His collection of bath products were limited to bottle of 'Head and Shoulders' shampoo and a beige colored bar of 'Dial' soap. The razor propped against the shower caddy threw her off for a couple seconds. Does he shave his face in the shower? How could a man shave their face without a mirror? He doesn't shave his legs does he? She couldn't decipher where the runny comments in her mind were jibing from. In fact she chuckled to herself._

 _"Derek doesn't shave his legs." She confirmed verbally to no one other than her wild subconscious. She blamed the vivid wonders on her fatigue and knew they'd drift away once she rested her head for a few hours. She heaved lowly, reaching out for the white and blue bottle of shampoo laying on its side against his shower caddy. She squeezed a dime sized amount into the palm of her hand and began to scrub her damp tresses._

* * *

"Mere..." something poked her, _several_ times. Her head was swimming and her brain was complete mush. Mornings weren't Meredith Grey's specialty. The downside to being a surgeon, sleep wasn't normally an option. "Meredith." The voice disrupting her morning to sleep in was irksome. She thrived to whip her imaginary remote out and repetitively pound the mute button.

"Go away." She mumbled and the sentence sounded more along the lines of 'shmo fayway.'

The fingers pricking her abdomen repetitively subsided to a close. This time a hand gripped the dip where her waist met the hip. In slow, soothing strokes the hand displayed attentive care to her frame. "I didn't mean to wake you Mere, but your pager is going off like crazy." She was still sluggish, her comprehension runny but she deciphered the majority of that statement. 'Mere, pager, crazy.'

Her lids fluttered in an attempt to prepare her eyes for the blinding rays of dawn. "I'm coming, give me a minute." She convulsed sloppily. Eventually the wheels in her head began to turn and the ole factory started up in her brain. She forced her eyes to open. Colorful spots decorated her vision and a blur of raven curls and tan skin pasted to the background of the picture her sight was painting.

"Well, good morning." The first thing she saw when she regained clarity in her irises was Derek grinning hazily at her. She scowled mentally, who the hell was that happy at this hour? He looked high to Meredith, but where would Derek find drugs this early in the morning? Maybe he'd stored them away in a secret compartment she forgot to check the night before when scavenging through his belongings at three in the morning. No. Derek Shepherd isn't a drug dealer and he certainly doesn't do drugs. His preening expression still read 'Hi I'm higher than a kite right now, what about you?' In Meredith's eyes anyway. Maybe she'd just been around too many stoned people in her lifetime, she was a surgeon after all.

"Are you high right now?" Her question seemed to catch him off guard. Not in a 'Oh god my cover is blown' kind of way. An expression that read 'What the hell, I was expecting a good morning back.'

His lip turned upward. He dragged his fingers along her side and clutched around her petite thigh. "High off of you maybe." His reply brought butterflies to Meredith's gut. Not the nervous butterflies. The good ones. The elated butterflies. Meredith got 'drunk' on Derek all the time. Just glancing at him made all her worries disappear. She was his drug. An additive one. One Meredith never wanted Derek to get bored of taking.

"Oh." She wasn't lucid enough to elaborate a more descriptive response. 'Oh' would have to suffice for the time being. Derek replaced the empty spot on the bed with himself, the mattress dipping.

"You gotta get up Mere." This time his tone serious. As much as she dreaded the thought of leaving Derek's 'oh so comfy' bed and stripping out of the 'Bowdoin' t-shirt he'd given her to wear last night.

 _"Here, use this. It's my favorite shirt."_ He'd handed her the neatly folded clothing article and immediately, Meredith fell in love with it. The shirt radiated his fragrance, a combination of 'Old Spice' Aftershave and laundry detergent. Derek _always_ smelled that way. And she relished it.

Derek's notion irked her, but he was right even if she wished to chuck that damn pager into an erupting volcano. "I know." She sat up slowly. "Can I come back here tonight?"

"You want to come back here?" His tone suggested he hadn't planned on her liking it here. He wasn't wrong to assume. Meredith had a tendency to judge everyone and everything. Critiquing **everything** intricately.

"I like it here. It's quiet. I'd enjoy a change of scenery from the hospital and my house."

He shot her a cheeky grin and leaned forward to plant a luscious kiss to her lips. A few glorious moments of nothing but lip locking with Derek Shepherd was definitely enough to get Meredith Grey through the gruesome day of trauma ahead of her. "I needed that." Her voice vibrating against Derek's warm cavern.

"I'm glad I could be of service." Derek lifted her chin, his eyes filled with lust and _love_. They shared another kiss. For a few seconds the world wasn't spinning anymore and the storm in her head was wiped away. Replaced by a sunshine and colorful rainbow. _There's always light at the end of a dark tunnel_.

Derek was the light at the end of her dark tunnel.

* * *

Meredith was familiar with the walk of shame. Not that it happened very often before meeting Derek, but she was familiar with the concept and had endured the embarrassment multiple times back in college. Apparently the page Meredith had gotten that morning was a 9-1-1, a mass casualty. Derek never mentioned it. _Lucky her_.

Her patten stilettos clicked against the speckled flooring of the hospital. _Click, clack, click, clack_. The stares creeping down her spine were prominent. Every gawk she received felt like a cynical group of doctors jabbing needles into a Meredith Grey voo-doo doll. Her subordinates most likely found the scene humorous. The cherry to the top of their ice cream Sunday. Meredith Grey strutting the walk of shame throughout the halls of Seattle Grace.

"Let me get through this." Meredith grumbled under her breath. She was a human tourist attraction and all she wanted to do was shout _"YES I HAVE A SEX LIFE! It's not abnormal!"_ In the back her mind she wanted to mention she had a boyfriend. A boyfriend that loved her. A boyfriend she was head over heels for. Someone loved her. An actual human being loved her and instead of screaming it from the rooftops, she kept quiet. Telling people wasn't an option even at the times she wanted it to be the only one in the world.

She'd been too consumed in her bubble of worries to notice the woman standing in her path. She bumped head on with an attractive nurse. "I'm sorry." Meredith muttered uncharacteristically. Normally she would have grimaced and lectured the co-worker that she was lucky to be here and should keep watch as to where the hell she was headed.

"No worries, Dr. Grey." Meredith knew that voice from anywhere. _"I'll see you tonight."_ Rose. The slutty whore who'd been all over Derek like a whiny child clinging to their fathers leg on the first day of kindergarten. Meredith never got jealous. She wasn't the jealous type. Who did she have to be jealous of anyways? Up until this point; absolutely nothing.

Now she had Rose. Meredith Grey was _fuming_ over 'Rose the _whore_ nurse who stole _her man_ away' Meredith was far too flustered to conjure a better nickname at the moment. "Interesting attire." The hostility in Rose's tone hit her like a slap to the cheek. "I can assume you had quite the evening last night." She suggested.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I had the perfect night having tons of 'blow your brains out' sex while I assume you were here filling out charts. The work of an intern." Meredith regretted saying it. Well no, she didn't regret it. In fact she _relished_ at the fact she'd done it. However, maybe mentioning the 'blow your brains out sex' was a bit of a stretch for the situation.

Rose pursed her lips together, enveloping her arms across the grayish-green scrubs accentuating her figure. "Hmm." Rose took a step closer. "Well I hope the memories from last night don't affect your work today." As if Rose was _actually_ concerned over Meredith Grey's work performance. She was snake, a menacing, poisonous snake. And when the time was right, Rose would bite with her little fanged teeth.

"Men don't cloud my focus." Meredith haughtily argued, brushing past the brunette to continue the voyage she'd set in stone to the attending's lounge.

* * *

"Did you see Medusa this morning?!" Izzie Stevens asserted quickly, plopping down at her regular seat in the lunch room. The cluster of surgeons murmured lowly. _Everyone_ saw Meredith waltz into the hospital in a crinkled cocktail dress and four inch heels. The definition of a slutty hookup at the bar gone wrong.

"Who knew the evil queen endured sexual intercourse?" Jackson Avery teased lightly, poking at the glob of mush scattering his plate with a fork.

Cristina Yang snorted at his jest. "She's such a prune I hadn't thought she'd been laid in years." The clot chortled like a pack of wild animals, their laughs drowned out by the rest of the cafeteria commentary.

"Oh trust me, she's been getting some." April hadn't meant to say it. The word vomit she'd been fighting for months to keep down had somehow spewed outward and consciously, the red head hadn't realized what she'd conveyed until the damage had already been done. It was _work_ to keep her secret tucked away in the Pandora's box of her brain. More than half of this groups conversations seemed to pertain around Meredith Grey more than less lately. April hadn't noticed the dozens of eyes on her until she looked up from her plate of food. They seemed flabbergasted. How the hell would April Kepner know if Meredith Grey was having sex?

"What did you just say?" Alex Karev disclosed. He had trouble keeping his jaw from smashing straight to the ground and it appeared the others were in the same bind as he was.

She froze. She couldn't go back on it now. She couldn't spill information like that and pretend it never happened. Thoughts such as that didn't come from no where. In truth, April was more concerned about divulging _who_ she'd been banging rather than gossiping the stone cold truth of Meredith having a healthy sex life. "I-I um, it's nothing." Like that response would get them all to keep their traps zipped up for good.

"Oh no, no, no Kepner! You know something and you know something good and juicy on Medusa. Now do tell." Cristina plastered a fifty-watt grin to her cheeks. She seemed almost more eager to know the secret rather than the other subordinates crowding the table.

Her stomach was most definitely doing back flips. _Over and over and over_. How did she approach the subject? 'Oh yeah I caught Grey and Shepherd mashing their genitals together one time it's no biggy!' Lies. Lies. Lies. LIES. It was a hugey, in fact a ginormous secret that could potentially cost April her life. Oh if Meredith Grey were to find out that the entire hospital knew her personal affairs... April Kepner would be a dead woman walking for sure.

"Come on April tell us." George O'Malley pleaded, leaning forward to the head of the table where April just so happened to be sat. Oh why did she have to say it? Even if Meredith Grey was a viscous, blood sucking villain, who most likely ate little children for breakfast... she was an awful person. **Awful** was an understatement. Her vocabulary wasn't big enough to put a proper term as to what Meredith Grey was. Maybe this was her payback. For all those times Dr. Grey had pushed her around like some kind of rag doll. She pushed everyone around with no penalties or remorse. She was cynical. Her nickname was Medusa for a damned reason. _What goes around comes around_.

Karma was a **real** knife to the back and April was a sharp, sharp knife ready to prick Meredith for all her worth.

"She's been _screwing_ Shepherd. Dr. Derek freaking Shepherd for months now! She has the nerve to criticize us every day of the week, make us feel like worthless trash while she's the ruler of this hospital. Well she's not. She's a big fat _whore_ and Shepherd is right there with her!" Her orate was so loud, it was shocking the majority of the hospital hadn't heard. The entire table gawked, eyes bugging and jaws dropping.

"Holy." Squawked Izzie. The entire table was speechless. No one could form a single sentence, much less a few words.

It hit her. It hit April Kepner like a fucking freight train traveling at three thousand miles an hour. Meredith Grey was a royal bitch. The scariest woman on earth. She deserved every bullet hurdled at her. But not this. She didn't deserve this. Meredith may be named after a woman with snakes for hair, but she didn't disperse secrets. She didn't tattle on co-workers for humping in on-call rooms. She was strictly professional. April Kepner may have just ruined Meredith Grey's reputation in this hospital for the wrong reason. shitshitshitshitshitshitshit, this was bad. No, this was horrible. No, April's vocabulary wasn't colorful enough for a better adjective.

The only thing April could do was wait. Wait to see if the secret got back to Meredith or Derek for that matter. She'd completely ruined him too and the poor guy had done nothing but be civilized and cordial to her. "I think we should keep this to ourselves." Izzie quipped from the other end of the table. The excruciatingly heavy weight burying down on her shoulders suddenly felt much lighter when Izzie proposed her proposition.

"What? No we have to tell." Jackson argued, his plastic fork contacting the black polymer of his tray.

"Just, until we figure out what we want to use the information on." She finished slowly. "If we let Meredith know we know she'll definitely deny it as well as we need to use it against her for something _good_." There goes the weight, an extra twenty five pounds added back on.

April felt sick. Like she might actually spew her ever living guts out right there on the table in front of everyone. Their notion as to what they were going to do with the information bought April some time, but she wasn't sure how much. She could pick one of two options, urge Meredith to come clean herself and tell her secret or let Meredith go to prison for mass murder on April Kepner. She opted for the first option, however it wasn't going to be easy by any means considering Meredith freaking Grey **despised** April.

* * *

"Mmm..." Meredith grinned euphorically.

After engrossing with Rose that morning her day went from bad to 'the earth could end right now and it would be the best thing that happened all day long.' Two of her patients from the building collapse didn't pull through and four of her other ones still hadn't made it out of the woods and that _frustrated_ her beyond belief. And to not have seen Derek all day was the icing on her lopsided, poorly crafted cake.

Her day hadn't been all bad however. When Meredith Grey experienced bad days she typically moped around in a hospital on-call room, sifting through charts just to find a case to fill the void drifting within. Now she had a boyfriend. She had her own personal Derek Shepherd and he was hers, no one else's. At the end of her shift, around sixish, Derek offered to pick her up as it was the least he could do after making her head to the hospital in last nights clothing. She obliged with no hesitations, although she made a clear statement that she wanted to stop by her house to shower and grab a change of clothes before they headed off to his land out in the forest.

"How's... that?" Derek panted against Meredith's ear. They were spooning, _sexual_ spooning was a better description. Derek's chest flush with Meredith's back while they moved together rhythmically. It was a lazy position to say the least but was heady in love and intimacy. She'd mentioned needing something to help her relax and unwind after several hours of tedious and intricate work in the O.R. However was in no mood for wild cave man like sex. Derek's fingers found Meredith's, weaving together tightly. His other hand brushing through her honey-blonde tresses. He planted a few kisses to her scalp here and there. He made sure she was satisfied with his actions and Meredith was ever so grateful for the way he cared for her. It was times such as this one Meredith felt guilty for treating him so terribly all those months ago. Barking and shoving him around like a dictator. She barely allowed him a word in edgewise no matter the circumstances. Hell, she wouldn't even let the poor guy kiss her during intercourse. But none of those mournful memories mattered anymore. What mattered most was that they were spooning in Derek's bed, lying naked, hand in hand, while he thrusted himself into her warmth tediously.

A choked, throaty heave spilled from Meredith's lips. Her body tensing as her orgasmic pleasure began to rise. "T-That's **so** good." She squeezed his hand in hers, knuckles turning a shade of white, her teeth gritting unsteadily. Derek pecked her moist flesh of her neck; her entire body was perspiring from the 'workout' she was giving it.

"You don't have to rush it." He whispered against the back of her ear. "Take _your_ time." Her stiffened muscles relaxed a little. He was always putting her first. He made sure she was alright and well before he knew about himself. They were complete opposites for sure, but were just so compatible it was creepy. They fit together like a hand in a glove or the perfect pair of jeans around the waist. They _always_ fit.

She took his advice. Slowing herself down. It wasn't always about the high, even if it was a _really_ good portion of the sex with Derek. It was also about the love and meaning behind it all. Before, Meredith saw sex as nothing more than a fulfillment to pleasure the yearning beg between her legs. Now she saw the activity as a way to connect with the person you desire. She understood why they referred to it as 'making love.' To show your love without having to use a single word. The wave jabbed at her without warning or precaution. All of a sudden she was calling and pleading Derek's name mixed with moans of pleasure. She urged him with a staccato of, "Please, please, please." Her behests were fulfilled and he rode the orgasmic wave with her. He filled her halfway through the high, and the empty feeling she'd experienced for all those years was gone. Meredith found the key to happiness. _The light at the end of a dark tunnel_.

"I love you." She cooed, her love cave pulsating around Derek's now flaccid penis. The words spurred from no where and she hadn't even meant to speak them. But she felt it. Oh boy did she feel it. Meredith forgot what love felt like. She forgot how amazing love actually was. The four letter word scared the ever living crap out of her for sure. But it didn't matter. It didn't matter if love was at the top of her list for spooky vocabulary. She felt it. She was in love with Derek Shepherd and it felt oh so good.

"I love you." She repeated, this time her words more lucid and strewn together. "I am in love with you, Derek." She laughed. She freaking laughed and it felt amazing. Meredith squirmed in his tight grasp nuzzling the top of her messy head of hair against the crook in his neck. "I love you." She whispered once more. "I really freaking love you."

The room was quiet other than the heavy panting and noises outside the trailer. He tugged her body closer, if that was even possible.

"I love you too, Meredith Grey."

 **Authors note:**

Wow! This chapter was so long I don't even know how I managed to get so ahead of myself. I went from doing 500 worded stories to 6,000 worded chapters LIKE WHAT? Okay none of you care lmao but what are your opinions on the chapter?! I threw in some other characters so don't yell too much at me. We learned a tad about Meredith and some more about Derek. I wanna let you guys know their pasts are fairly different than what they were on the show I PROMISE. Yes there was tidbits and other things that are the same but for the majority NO. I already have everything planned out on how Meredith's huge past will come out and how we'll get there so don't worry! I hope the chapter sufficed in the sense I gave you MerDer plus other characters AND APRIL SPILLED THE SECRET. Ha if only April knew they were in love with each other ahahaha. Anyways comment PLEASE COMMENT and give me your opinion on the chapter and favorite and all that good stuff! Sorry for wait but I hope this chapter can pull you all over. Please for me comment your thoughts it inspires me lol!


	9. Bad day blues 9

"Meredith..." Derek's irritable grumble vibrated against the glistening flesh of his girlfriend. Under normal circumstances, he was compliant with Meredith's behests. Pursuing the activity she desired each night rather than his own and regularly Derek accommodated to whichever notion her heart craved. His tolerance level this particular evening was approaching maximum capacity. His brain was bursting and his thoughts were swimming. _Everything_ ached. Derek was rushed into a craniotomy at four o'clock that morning. _Why should I be up before the sun is?_ Only to come to the realization that the tumor he'd prepared to resect was malignant. _Great._ His laminectomy herniated and dived right into the light on the table. _Dead._ The spinal fusion he'd labeled as an 'easy' procedure strenuously continued for more than eight hours. _Everything that could have went wrong, went wrong._

The only thing Derek Shepherd aspired more than a face-plant to his pillow was Meredith Grey. He envisioned getting laid by the woman he relished _all night long_ just to assist whisking away the memories of his _oh so terrible, super, horrible, bad_ day. The sultry scenarios of a _very nude_ Meredith Grey he'd envisioned for the better half of his day were terminated to say the least. Sure, the couple was buck-naked, articles of clothing scattered throughout Meredith's bedroom. The sheets were rumpled, knotted, crinkled by their movement. Derek was a helicopter hovering over Meredith on shaky, fatigued arms. His moist cavern decorating her swan like neck in hickeys, lips dressing her collarbone in delicate kisses, hands caressing her, finger tips _touching_ her in all the right places. _What. Was. The. Problem?_

Derek suggested an attentive night of love-making to Meredith upon his arrival to her home earlier that evening. She was compliant to his request and he found relief at the fact _something_ was going to go his way for the first time in the last twenty-four hours.

Wrong. Wrong. Very _wrong._

The two stripped nude a little over half an hour ago and Derek hadn't proceeded to begin the steamy love-making session with Meredith thus far. Annoyed wasn't descriptive enough to describe his feelings toward the situation. It was as if she was purposely stirring the pot just to watch him implode into a million 'Tiny Derek pieces' and he was well on his way there.

"Are you even listening to me?" Meredith hissed frantically. She'd gabbed her head off the last thirty minutes of their intimate time together over the coiling crisis jibing her way.

Derek sifted a deep and strenuous breath, tugging his moist lips away from Meredith's neck. "Mere." Derek knew Meredith was a smart woman, a _brillant_ one. He figured she'd be better at picking his picturesque apart; the darkened bags rimming beneath his exhausted and hazed blue irises. The hoarse tone radiating from his vocal cords. His irritable demeanor. She'd neglected to pick apart a single one of his flaws that night. There was always that _one_ thing an individual loathes about their spouse, even if there were five hundred other qualities they adored. Derek resented Meredith's inability to reverent attention to his issues. He loved her with every cell in his body but longed for her to engross an interest in asking how _his_ day went rather than he continuously having to be the optimistic one in their partnership only attentive to _her_ troubles. "Please, can we just... not talk?" He croaked lowly.

Derek's hands roused through Meredith's honey-blonde cilium, ogling eyes with her. _Blue on green._ "Can't we just be silent and love on each other?" Meredith's fixated gaze on Derek ceased and a mere 'huff' escaped from between her lips.

"Der," Meredith steadied her weight to her arms, each elbow sinking into the plush of the mattress. "I can't focus on _little Derek_ joining _little Meredith_ when I have such a crisis on my shoulders." If he'd been any less of a gentlemen he would have cupped a hand over her mouth and fucked her with no remorse.

He rested his head in between the valley of her breasts, his eye-lids fluttering from lethargy. "Tell me what's wrong, maybe I can fix it." He asserted softly. Derek's tone muffled against the creamy flesh of his girlfriend just as her fingers tangled into the ravenous mane sprouting from his scalp. At least she'd allowed him to use her chest as his own personal headrest for the moment and the massage her fingers were catering to against his darkened tresses felt _really_ nice.

"I think they know." She quipped quietly, her hand continuing the rhythmic pattern in his hair. "About us. About us being together."

Derek knitted his brow together, a crease forming at the center of his forehead. His brain wasn't prepared to endure a 'Meredith Meltdown' right now. In the back of his mind he thought, _'Would it really be_ _ **that**_ _awful if the hospital knew?'_ Of course Meredith would fall into cardiac arrest at a comment such as that one. "No they don't." He reassured tenderly, slipping his left hand along the left of her abdomen. The tip of his thumb pressed to the side of her bosom, rubbing in soft continuous circles.

"They keep giving me _looks._ Like I've been convicted of a felony or something! I know they know _something_." Derek knew Meredith wasn't conveying a fib. He too had noticed the _many_ glares and glances at his behalf. However he wouldn't dare add fuel to fuming fire.

"Mere, love." Derek glanced upward. "No one knows about us. Even if they did, it's none of _their_ business. It's just us in our own secluded bubble."

The massage she'd provided the last couple of minutes to his cranium subsided to a close. Meredith's thumb found his cheek and began to stroke the stubbled vicinity. "You're right." Were his ears playing tricks on him? He was _exhausted._ Considering the circumstances his mind could potentially be conjuring phrases he desired to hear. Meredith Grey would never admit to _anyone_ being right other than herself, right?

"What?" He rasped hoarsely, smacking his dried lips together in an attempt to moisten them.

Her right hand met his tresses once more and a euphoric grin preened across her cheeks. "You, Derek Shepherd, are right. It's the first and last time you're _ever_ going to hear those words come from my mouth so enjoy it." Meredith cooed.

"Hmm." He processed the moment internally, burning the memory into his brain. "You sound _sexy_ when you say I'm right." A menacing smirk crossed his cheeks and his commentary received a giggle. _His favorite noise in the world._

"I'm not saying it again." She confirmed. Meredith leant down to his forehead and planted a kiss to his skin gently. "Tell me about your day."

Derek rose from the warm and tender section on Meredith's chest. "Is Meredith Grey interested in hearing about _my_ day? I'm shocked and dismayed."

"Ha. Ha. Very funny Derek. I'm not a _total_ callous bitch. I have a heart." Meredith smiled and his heart pulsated a little quicker. Even the smallest of gestures got his heart racing and that just happened to be one of the five-hundred other things he relished about Meredith. Derek knew she held a heart in that little chest of hers. A _big_ heart. It saddened him to realize most everyone didn't know that about her. They only depicted her as a witch with a blackened soul. He crawled over her frame and leant in to seal their lips in an intimate lip lock. Their caverns granted access to one another. Each tongue pushed and pulled along the other, a tug of war as to which one would win dominance over the other.

"It sucked ass." Derek interrupted the sensual dance of their rhythmic tongue-tango. "My day, it was just... bad. Honestly I feel stupid for wanting to come home and see you so bad." He chortled lightly.

Meredith crunched clumps of darkened curls against her fingertips and she leant forward to place a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth. "I'm sorry your day was crummy." She whispered.

Derek's crooked nose brushed against Meredith's. He relished her petite nose. In natural light, he could examine every single freckle speckled over the bridge. "Don't worry about it." He diverted forward in an attempt to ignite another passionate tongue duel with his girlfriend. To his surprise, Meredith gripped Derek's shoulders in between her fingers. She pushed him to the side and straddled his waist.

"Mere...?" A drunk-y and sated croak creeped from in between his lips while Meredith nibbled teasingly against his earlobe.

"Dr. Shepherd, I think it would be best if you let me operate on you. Questions will only cut the procedure short." Her warm, minty, breath plastered beneath his jaw.

Derek's breath hitched in between his throat, gaping at the frail fingers trailing down his waist. "Y-Yes Meredith." He stuttered.

"That's _Dr. Grey_ to you." Derek adored the softer side of Meredith he'd grown to know. Her cold exterior disguised the gooey-mush her interior held. Nevertheless, he couldn't deny the authentic notion behind falling for her in the first place. He relished her independence and authority. She was certainly no push over. Meredith didn't let _anyone_ define who she was and what she stood for, including _himself_ for that matter and he admired that. At times Derek desired he was as outspoken as his partner. He'd been egotistical in the past, 'the jerk with the brillant head of hair' but never recognized as the leader of the pack.

"Yes, Dr. Grey." He accommodated her commands with ease and suddenly his _oh so terrible, super, horrible, bad day_ was pushed to the back of his mental filing cabinet. Meredith flung Derek all the way to cloud nine whenever her presence was near.

Meredith's fragile hand cupped his semi erect member, his weight resting in her palm. Her thumb began a tedious massage at base of the length, her other fingers gliding gently across the feather veined bone. Derek was a steel rod in moments, _only Meredith could do that to him,_ his hankering appetite for her to connect their bodies was increasing tenfold. Her hand drifted from his hardened penis. A tinge of disappointment plucked at his euphoric mood. She pressed her forehead against his, both hands cupping his stubbled cheeks.

"Take me for a ride, Derek." Meredith implored, their lips fastening like a seat belt. Derek didn't hesitate for even a second before fulfilling her _sultry_ request. Times such as this one he wasn't sure whether he enjoyed her _giggle_ or _moan_ more. Could they be tied for first place? Maybe. Through lidded eyelids Derek gazed at his lover, the way she threw her back in ecstasy, the grimace glazing her expression, the grunts and moans coiling from her petite body which could easily be mistaken for some kind of agony if he hadn't known any better. _He definitely knew better._

Derek cupped her left breast between his fingers, lightly stroking circles around her puckered mound. She'd coerced in the past over the hatred she held for her _small boobs._ In efforts to whisk her self consciousness away he claimed he _loved_ every inch of her body, even her small breasts claiming, _'I like them. I can hold them in my hands'_ followed by his signature grin.

"Derek..." Oh the way his name melted off her tongue like butter. She continued the figure-eights around his erection. He pushed upward in slow consecutive motions, distributing the work load between them both equally. They took from one another, but gave just as much. Their carnal relationship was a distributive process. They never took more than given. _They fit. The missing piece to the jigsaw puzzle. They just_ _ **fit**_ _._

He knew Meredith was well on her way to orgasmic bliss. He could tell just by a simple glance at her body language; hips stiffening, muscles tightening, arms and legs beginning the strenuous slew of twitching. Her spasms began slow and delicate, maneuvering to a gruesome rawr of violent shaking. Derek was having trouble keeping his own high in tact. He ached to give Meredith a moment in the spotlight without crowding her stage. He watched intently, her hands reaching for something, _anything,_ to keep her steady. His raven colored tresses were the victim to the viscous tug of war her fingers ignited.

"Fuck." Meredith croaked a throaty whimper. Her tremors began to fade and the grimace coating her face softened to a tiny smile. It wasn't long before he found the light. Euphoria. Cloud nine. _His highway to heaven._

The tufted headboard hit the back wall as Derek jerked involuntarily. He saw spots and glitter cluttered his vision. Derek could have died at that very moment and everything would have been right in the world. His seed sprayed her channel. The couple flopping next to one another like a couple of fish on dry land.

"I love you." Derek hiccuped. He sloppily reached out to hunt for Meredith's hand and found her fingers after a few unsuccessful attempts. "Thank you for making..." he panted. "My bad day better."

She mumbled something. Derek couldn't comprehend it. Possibly an 'I love you too' or 'You're welcome.' He wasn't sure but it didn't matter. They didn't need words. Just one another.

* * *

"I've never been here before." Derek commented, sliding into the worn red leather booth located in a secluded vicinity of the restaurant Meredith had suggested they go to. Their lovemaking session worked the couple up an appetite their growling bellies couldn't ignore. They hadn't indulged on a meal at a restaurant since the disastrous date Derek planned. He suggested ordering in considering Meredith wasn't too keen on revealing their romance to the public, but to his surprise she rejected his offer.

 _"Come on, let's go to a real restaurant. I don't think I can eat greasy pizza from dominos or Chinese one more time."_ He couldn't argue. He was _quite_ the health nut and Meredith was sure to send him into heart failure with another night of high cholesterol and a heap of fat and grease.

"I figured." She replied softly. "Not many people know about it." The establishment was located on the far side of town and it was quaint, _lowkey._ The dim lighting provided a relaxed sensation. The customers sat at each table were probably labeled as the "regulars" of the joint. Corny Italian music hummed throughout the room. Tacky paintings lined the brick walls and the fragrance of marinara and pasta radiated the air.

Derek's back softened against the cushion of the bench. He glanced upward and attentively watched as his girlfriend scanned the menu. Meredith's honey-blonde tresses pulled back into a messy up-do. Her figure accentuated by an oversized maroon pigmented sweater and a pair of frayed skinny jeans. Not a single drop of makeup decorated her face and he admired her natural beauty from a far. _Beautiful._ "This doesn't seem like a restaurant you'd know about, Mere."

Her attention diverted back to him. "I used to live in Boston when I was really young. My father, Thatcher used to take me here sometimes when my mother was working late at the hospital. When I came back to Seattle a few years ago I uh, just kept coming here. I come here when I want to forget there's a world outside." The grin accentuating her features didn't match the tormented glaze in her emerald eyes. It was rare Meredith mentioned her life before Derek, much less conveying her childhood. He didn't know much, but enough to piece the puzzle together. Her mother was Ellis Grey, a _legendary_ surgeon who probably left Meredith high and dry most of the time. Her dead-beat dad left when she was young but that's all he knew. He wasn't aware of major details or her fathers motives behind departing. Something traumatizing happened to Meredith but he wasn't reverent on pestering and prodding with questions. She'd reveal her deepest and darkest secrets when she was ready and he'd wait. _He'd wait for her._

"You should try the lasagna, it's my _favorite._ " Meredith quickly changed the topic of conversation, seemingly eager to steer the direction elsewhere.

Derek had been all consumed with the interior of the restaurant he blatantly forgot about looking over the menu. The tacky scenery wasn't the main dish. His fingertips scanned through the itty-bitty black print covering the glossy foldable pages. "And can you try and not get something with _vegetables_ or _kale_ mixed in. I mean who orders a kale pizza?" She added.

The appalling tone Meredith provided made Derek grin. "If I ate like you did I'd be the size of a house by now and probably in cardiac arrest." He chuckled, snaking his hand across the table to join with hers. He weaved their fingers together.

"I just have a high metabolism." She said, her expression snarky. Derek rolled his eyes playfully and squeezed her hand lightly. He could paint a perfect picture of himself sitting in this exact booth twenty years from that moment, wrinkled and worn, sitting parallel to Meredith Grey. He dreamt about spending the rest of his life with her numerous times. Proposing, getting married, building a home together, potentially having a child. He'd stopped making plans a while ago. Derek assumed he would never find his great love, the one everyone seemed to be finding around him. Six months ago God pushed him into the awaiting arms of Meredith Grey and he'd forever be grateful. He started making plans again. She was his plans. Meredith was the love of his life.

"You know how much I love you, right?" He implored.

"Of course I do, I love you too." She giggled and the harmony of her laugh was music to his ears. _He loved her so, so much._

"Good." Derek stroked her palm with the pad of his thumb, looking back down to the menu.

* * *

 _5:34 am_

Derek's head thumped eagerly, _thumpthumpthump._ He loved his career truly, he loved the adrenaline rush of saving lives. However, the job held its downsides as well. He considered himself an _early bird,_ although waking before six o'clock just seemed more like cruel and unusual punishment. He slid each of his hands down down his face in an attempt to rejuvenate himself.

Aside from the irksome page he'd received thirty minutes earlier, he was forced to escape the warm of Meredith's body tucked away in his arms. She'd offered to tag along, however the scowl sifting through her tone begged to differ. An intern trotted into the exam room, distracting Derek from his internal thoughts.

"Did you get my coffee?" He snapped, looking over his shoulder at the individual positioned by the double doors. Regularly Derek wasn't the attending known for bossing interns around, using them as personal fetchers or _'incompetent servants'_ as Meredith enjoyed referring to them as. That morning proceeded as the exception. He was far too cluttered by work and patients to grab his own cup of caffeine, commanding an intern to do his simple tasks seemed easier.

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd." The intern replied quietly, passing along the scolding styrofoam cup.

He snatched his beverage, gulping it down like a shot of Meredith's tequila. "Thank you," he sighed, setting his drink down. "Did you get those scans for me?" He hadn't remembered if she'd waltzed into the room empty handed or not. His memory was runny at the moment and he couldn't process anything as fast as he normally would.

The interns delayed response answered the question for him. "I-I'm so sorry-"

"Save it." Derek interrupted, turning around. "If you want something done you have to do it yourself." He grumbled and irritation took his tone over.

While trudging through the corridor he began to understand as to why Meredith had such a strong hatred to mornings. He didn't realize how much he _hated_ the time of day before meeting her.

He continued the voyage down the walkway. The hall felt much longer than he remembered if being a few days ago. Maybe his exhaustion was just getting the better of him. " _I just have to slug through this surgery and it will all be over."_ His conscience reminded him. He was almost completely sure the spinal tumor he would be resecting was benign and removable. The procedure would be quick and easy, bearing complications that is.

Derek jibed to the right and crossed the threshold into CT to collect the scans he ordered a little while ago. The only person beside himself in the vicinity was April Kepner.

"Dr. Kepner, how are you?" He shot her a dreamy grin although internally he felt like literal crap. He witnessed the way her skin paled when he entered her presence. She'd been doing that _a lot_ to him lately. What was April's deal anyways? In fact he'd done nothing but be cordial and kind to her. Why was she constantly stepping on eggshells around him. "Have I done something to offend you?" Derek quipped, changing the direction of conversation. He enveloped his arms around his chest, balancing on the ball of his heels.

April gaped. A stuttered croak escaped her lips but he couldn't comprehend; either she too quiet or he too tired. "No, Dr. Shepherd why would you think that?" She asserted softly.

"It's just that whenever we have an encounter your expression looks like you just shot my puppy or something. Maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me but I know I'm not crazy. What's the _problem_ Dr. Kepner?" This time his tone radiated seriousness. Derek no longer wanted to be coddled such as he had when first arriving at Seattle Grace almost a year ago.

She fiddled with the ends of her bright red tresses, twiddling the split ends between her middle and index fingers. The expression crossing her features indicated fear was coiling within her gut. Derek could read people, he knew what others were thinking without a single word. To him, April was concealing something or _knew_ something. "It's none of my business to share." The commentary made his gut rouse to knots.

 _Shitshitshitshitshit._ April Kepner knew. April Kepner knew about he and Meredith. "Do you know? About me and Meredith. Do you know?" Secretly, he desired for someone else to be in on the whole 'Meredith and Derek relationship' thing but to his dismay his partner made it prominent she enjoyed the private bubble they shared.

The uncomfortable silence drifting between Derek and April was more than enough to answer his impending question. Meredith had been right all along. A few days ago in bed. He was all too consumed in his terrible day to really remember anything Meredith had uttered to him before the earth shattering lovemaking they'd indulged on.

 _"I think they know."_

"Dr. Shepherd I promise I'm-"

"Stop talking." Derek stepped closer, his irises turning a misty cobalt blue. "I don't know how you know. I don't know where you got the information. I don't know anything. I do know one thing and that one thing is you won't discuss this information with anyone else. Meredith asked me to keep our relationship secret and private and I sure as hell don't need this breaking out into the hospital. I respect my girlfriend and her wishes and I'd appreciate it if you would too."

April's brow crinkled together, her expression read 'I'm very confused right now.' Derek's gut was doing somersaults again. Had he just told April his personal affairs for no reason at all. Had she not known about he and Meredith? Fuck.

"Girlfriend?" The red head uttered the word as if it were a foreign term. "I thought you and Dr. Grey were just screwing each other."

Derek's blood curdled. He'd admit, the partnership erupted from lust and desire. It was different now. Their relationship was _different_ now. Derek Shepherd was madly in love with Meredith Grey and she was with him as well. "She's my **girlfriend** and I **love** her very much. We aren't a couple of horny fifteen year olds April. It's a _real_ relationship."

"I-I didn't know." She hiccuped lightly her eyes focusing to the ground. "I'm sorry."

"Yes well now you do know." Derek quipped, his tone hostile. "If you let this information get out I swear on my fathers grave you'll be fired in an instant. I respect Meredith's request of privacy and I hadn't planned on someone knowing. Are in an agreement, Dr. Kepner?"

She nodded hurriedly. "Yes, Dr. Shepherd." April clutched the scans resting at the edge of the table, brushing past Derek to the exit. "Dr. Shepherd?" April divulged lightly.

"Yes, Kepner?"

Her lip curved upward. "You're in love with her?" She implored softly.

Derek shot a glance over at April, sinking his teeth into the bottom of his lip. He took in a strenuous breath, sighing heavily.

"I am very much in love with Meredith Grey." Derek chimed. _His morning didn't seem so shitty anymore._

 **Authors note:**

I was really determined to post the chapter tonight. I knew if I didn't work my ass off it would have never been finished in all honesty. I know, I know, I need to incorporate more characters and I will! But it's just so hard while trying to write in a certain persons POV. I hope this chapter sufficed and made you feel all warm and happy with MerDer feels plus I even provided the porny Meredith and Derek goodness laugh my ass off. This chapter is the shortest one I've ever written 4,100 words but I thought what else I had planned was better for upcoming chapters rather than adding onto this one. Please please please tell me your thoughts on the chapter! Your reviews and favorites make me wanna continue I promise to God that's why I had this chapter done so quickly! Also I'm almost at 2k views! Which doesn't seem like that much It makes me feel good people are actually reading this. Things will begin to pick up; Meredith's past, Derek's past. Derek mentioned earlier he wanted a future with Meredith but Meredith still wants to keep this relationship quiet. April knows Mere and Der love each other but her friends still think they're just screwing. Also don't forget Rose ;) I'm bringing in a few other important greys characters as well so get excited they incorporate to Meredith's past coming out. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter I love you all (:


	10. Hostile uterus 10

Meredith clawed the digital chart between her thumb and index finger attached to her left hand, the other gripping a black Expo marker. The writing utensil squawked against the O.R board, _squeaksqueaksqueak,_ scheduling a liver resection at four o'clock.

Since finding Derek, Meredith's learned to be reverent on managing her temper and tolerance level among her surrounding subordinates. Although, her version of _cordial_ differed tremendously from Derek's perspective, Meredith gave Derek her word she'd _attempt_ to keep the roaring beast coiling within her soul in check.

Meredith assumed April Kepner's strenuous gaping hadn't diverted its attention away from the back of Meredith's skull, as it had been there ever since she'd engrossed herself in scribbling appointments to the white board. The Meredith Grey everyone fraternized with six months ago would have terminated the irksome stalking Dr. Kepner bestowed upon her. Unfortunately the new subconscious she'd developed was urging Meredith in a different direction, reeling her away from the option her brain opted to pursue.

 _"Don't you_ _ **dare**_ _even think about drop-kicking Dr. Kepner off of the roof of this hospital!"_ Her conscious babbled repetitively.

Besides the overwhelming and relentless amount of guilt she'd experience after shooing April away like some pest she'd mauled with a broom, Meredith didn't want Derek to think less of her for shattering the progress she'd made. Pre-Derek Meredith was chortling in the background, she would _never_ authorize a man to depict her behavior. Post-Derek Meredith was wearing chastity belts, a single wrong move and her lover would be good as gone. Derek's opinion was by far the **most** important in Meredith's orbit at times.

Relief spilled over Meredith as she finished inking her schedule. _Finally._ She could easily escape April Kepner's stare down with the back of her head without imploding like an erupting volcano. She snapped the polymer cap back onto the marker. The tresses tapered to her scalp whipped as she turned to face the scenery opposite of the O.R. board. Immediately, her emerald eyes pasted to April's. Her instincts of the red-head watching were spot on and a part of her ached to have been wrong, _for just one damn time._ She ultimately had two options; shoot her a fake and friendly grin or assault her for the languishing gawk. Perhaps a combination of the two would minimize the backlash she'd pay for.

"Dr. Kepner," Meredith pressed the iPad against her chest in an effort to restrain her hands from clawing April's eyes out. "Is there something I may help you with?" Her tone hinted at annoyance but was washed out by the cordial one she'd managed to perform in front of the hospital. _Maybe if she hadn't been so hellbent on being a general surgeon_ _she'd be an actress._

April appeared startled by the sudden interrogation by Meredith's behalf. "I, uh- no." Her response was uneducated in the sense that a three year old could most likely convey a more coherent response. "No, I don't need anything." She clarified, stuffing each of her hands into the pockets of her crisp and clean lab coat.

Meredith's expression suggested she wasn't completely sold on the reply, but was far too chafed to argue. "Hmm, alright then." Meredith divulged lightly, stepping closer to April. "It's just I would prefer your eyes engage something other than the back of my head." Meredith realized the message she'd sent to April was less than what she'd hoped to assert. She followed the statement up with a small laugh, to soften the hostile tension drifting through the two women.

April's questionable glance screamed, 'what the actual fuck is going on?' although Meredith wouldn't be the one to point it out.

"In all seriousness, if you need something I will be down by radiology." Meredith disclosed the conversation and turned to voyage toward the far end of the building.

Meredith detoured by the attending's lounge. The raging, hot, and sweaty sex the beast lingering within her core indulged on the previous night had increased her fatigue by a gazillion to say the least. Perhaps feasting on _little Derek_ all night long wasn't the most intelligent judgement call she'd ever made. However her carnal desires couldn't be tamed around Derek The Adonis Shepherd even if that meant karma would kick her in the ass all flipping day. Her joints and muscles ached to be given a rest and the sluggish-mush in her skull was reverent on replenishing with the help of a couple hours of slumber. Highly caffeinated espresso would have to substitute for the time being, just until her liver resection was over.

She wandered into the room, craning her neck in every direction to relieve the knots. "You look rough, darling." A distant tone pricked her ear drums. Meredith was so discontented that she'd been unable to identify the familiar voice.

"Huh?" Drifted sloppily from between her lips. She heaved a sigh of relief as the tension in her neck popped loose. Meredith fluttered her eyelids in an attempt to cater to the individual conveying to her. The fingers splaying across Meredith's hips startled her, _just momentarily._ She recognized Derek's ebony curls and the stiffness overpowering her relinquished. _Just Derek._

"Oh." She sighed. Meredith curled her fingers around his neck, the pads of her fingers toying with the stray baby hairs pasted to the back of his flesh. She relished his tresses even if Derek claimed he despised the wild mane sprouting from his scalp. "Sorry, I think I'm a little out of it." She apologized. A light chuckle chased after her statement.

Derek stroked the side of Meredith's hair as he guided the couple to the leather worn couch positioned in the corner of the tiny lounge. Meredith was too relaxed sprawled out in Derek's grasp to even care if a co-worker were to burst through the door any moment.

"You did _quite_ the number on me last night." She added. She rustled against his chest, using his bicep as her own personal pillow. The familiar feeling of Derek's hands knotted into her honey-blonde tresses relaxes her. Pre-Derek Meredith never had anyone to ease her nerves and worries. She substituted surgeries for _actual_ people. Meredith basked in the glory of having someone to provide comfort and security when surgeries weren't available. _A person._

"If I recall," Derek snorted, his dominant hand sifting to the knots in the lower quadrant of her back. "You're the one who _insisted_ on having hot and dirty sex last night."

Meredith rolled her eyes, repositioning the spot she claimed on her personal pillow, also known as Derek upper body. "How am I supposed to tame the wild beast that literally lives in my vagina when _everything_ you do is so damn hot?" She implored.

Derek exerted a long and strenuous chuckle, a snarky hint lingering in the aftertaste of his hardy laugh. "A beast lives in your lady-parts?" He glanced downward and the only thing she could depict from the expression roaming his facial features was the arrogant smirk stretching across his faintly stubbled cheeks.

"And you don't?" Meredith scoffed. " _Everyone_ has a raging animal down there somewhere."

"Maybe I didn't know I had one because my beast is **constantly** being fed by a certain someone..."

The faint glimmer of light peeking through the blinds placed at the far right of the room lit Derek's eyes up. The constant sparkle drifting through his irises on the daily had been intensified to a fiery glitter. Other than the mop of hair sprouting from his head, Meredith adored his eyes. _Little Derek_ may be able to quench _little Meredith's_ thirst, but his eyes were two tranquil oceans that could send her everlasting rage to an oblivion of nothing. _Those damn eyes._ And no matter how much of a dickhead he could amount to at times, Meredith couldn't remain angry for long if her attitude was victim of the spell his irises cast on it.

"Are you saying I'm a slutty little _whore_ who has the libido of a horny sixteen year old?" Meredith smirked, nuzzling her nose against the crook of his neck. His aftershave tickled her nostrils. His signature fragrance consisted of 'Old Spice' and some kind of cologne she'd grown fond of. _Calvin Klein? No maybe Polo._ Meredith didn't know.

"Of course not." His tone radiating sincerity.

She wasn't reverent on taking the conversation any farther. Meredith knew Derek sought her out as the exact opposite of the mental imagery she'd painted for the both of them. She was only ever sultry for Derek anyhow.

They lay in a comfortable silence for moments to come. Basking in one another's company was conversation enough. Meredith mentally thanked the Gods no one had waltzed in to interrupt the heavenly moment she'd shared with her boyfriend. _Boyfriend._ At times it felt foreign to refer to him as that. _Partner._ She'd only ever had a few in her past, each of those relationships ending in tormented peril. _Lover._ Pre-Derek Meredith staggered at the four letter word. L-O-V-E. Fairytales and happy endings were nothing more than child's play to Meredith Grey. Derek reeled her perspective to a new direction and she was happily cruising down the highway of _love_ with him at her side. Post-Derek Meredith saw a potential future with this man. An engagement. A home together. Possibly children if she overcame the 'I'm going to be the most horrific mother ever' phobia.

"What's up with April Kepner?" Meredith broke the eternal silence with the stirring question she'd been meaning to get off her chest. Derek was her person, the _only_ person she could convey personal thoughts and opinions to without precaution. She trusted him with ever cell her body held captive.

"What?" His body stiffened and suddenly a sinking feeling twisted and knotted in the pit of her gut. "What about April Kepner?" She sensed the peril lurking in his response although he seemed apprehensive on showing it.

Meredith splayed her fingers across his chest, twisting the charcoal colored hairs poking out of the neckline of his navy scrubs. " _Why_ is she so hellbent on stalking me?" His tension sifted off and that calmed Meredith, _slightly._

"Maybe she's just scared of you." He snorted. She playfully slapped his tricep and wagged a finger between his eyes.

" _Everyone_ is scared of me, Derek. Besides if she were, why on earth would she want to stalk me?"

Derek heaved a strenuous sigh, maneuvering an arm around Meredith's hip. "I'm not scared of you." His irises glittered and a flutter pulsated within Meredith's belly. Her chest tightened, in a _good_ way. Deep down Meredith didn't enjoy the fact every single person at that damn hospital feared her or just downright hated her. She substituted emotions with hostility. Pre-Derek Meredith wasn't familiar with small talk and conversation. She only ever conveyed commentary revolving around surgeries and the hospital. Before meeting Derek, Meredith's life was nothing more than an everlasting carousel ride of scalpels and surgeries.

 _"The carousel never stops turning."_ Her mother had said that once, one of the very few memories she'd ever shared with her mom.

"I know." Suddenly Meredith had lost track on the topic of conversation. April Kepner and her gawking no longer deemed as most important on Meredith's mental list of topics to convey. "Can we go to your trailer tonight?" Her tone barely above a whisper. "We haven't been there in a while. I need a break from uptown Seattle."

Derek rubbed her hipbone in slow, continuous strokes. Meredith's freckle dusted nose bushing against Derek's. The moment looked as if it could have been taken right out a movie scene. Their lips quivering as they aspired to join in a dueling war of spit swap.

The door opening halted the couples intimate moment. They jolted away from one another and Meredith prayed that whoever rudely intruded on the attentive moment she'd been sharing with her lover hadn't seen a single second of it.

George O'Malley was the menacing scoundrel who'd entered an uninviting territory. Meredith wasn't too familiar with him, other than the fact she'd shared her intern year at Seattle Grace with him. Meredith brushed the imaginary dust from her scrub pants, standing on shaky legs. Her gaze shifted back to Derek momentarily. He seemed serene at the bare minimum. As if O'Malley's sudden walk in hadn't phased him a single inch. That thought plucked at Meredith's heart. She _knew_ Derek secretly ached to show off his shiny new girlfriend to everyone he came in contact with.

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith disclosed, prying the digital chart from the side table she'd planted there when entering half an hour earlier. "For the um, consult." Consult? Her brain was far too fried to conjure something more convincing up in truth.

"No problem, Dr. Grey." He flashed her a smile and his eyes read, 'I'll meet you at my trailer later tonight.'

Meredith nodded, glancing over to Dr. O'Malley. He looked as if he might create a wet spot on the speckled flooring momentarily. His expression flashed an 'I don't know what to do!' haze. She blamed the incompetence of the staff at this hospital on the chief of surgery for approving such _morons_ to pursue residency there.

Her fingers curled around the metallic doorknob before exiting the attending's lounge. She'd trotted halfway down the corridor before coming to the realization she'd never replenished any coffee, the sole purpose of scavenging into the lounge. _Crap._ She blamed her lack of caffeinated beverage on Derek who'd distracted her from the main goal she'd set in stone. Meredith contemplated the idea of heading back. She figured to roam the safer option as her liver resection began in a few minutes.

* * *

"Ugh..." Meredith drifted, her mind too cloudy to form a coherent conversation. Just as scheduled, she journeyed down to Derek's land for the evening. She relished it out there. It was a whole different universe and the lack of human lifeforms was just an added bonus. Her brain couldn't handle anyone other than Derek for the rest of the day.

Meredith's toes sprawled outward, wriggling in every direction the petite little nubs could manage. Numerous noises erupted from her cavern, each one an indicator of pleasure and desire swirling together in a blender of lust and love.

"Up." She panted. Meredith mentioned being far too exhausted to endure the full on sexual experience with Derek. He offered without hesitation to help her 'unwind' for the evening.

She lay against her back, occasionally arching upward as the small waves of pleasure coiled up her spine like leaves on a vine. The dissonance she'd experienced for the better half of the day faded away as Derek carnally masseused her entire body. He'd left not a single inch of skin untouched, his tongue teasing her naked flesh intricately. Her skin glistened with sweat as she orally guided Derek's head where she aspired it to be. He'd only ever ventured down to 'lady town' with his mouth a few times, each time only lasting a few minutes or so.

Her breath hitches as he's found _jackpot._ The scenery around her dissolves into nothing more than a fuzzy blur of assorted colors. Her fingers become victim of the tongue assault he's convicted against her cleft and she clenches the bedsheets between her digits in an attempt to calm the burning ball conjuring in her lower abdomen. Her feet sink into the mattress, dipping the plush surface downward. In the back of her mind, she feels guilt for not repaying her boyfriend for the pleasure he's bestowed on her. However the better part of her brain was focused more than less on getting to her high. The orgasmic bliss. The itch she's been needing to scratch. _Her highway to heaven._

The world stops its orbit momentarily. Everything's moving in slow motion and nothing else in the entire universe matters except for this specific moment. Sparks glitter her vision and the coiling fire in her pelvis bursts into a million orgasmic pieces. Her back creates a _thump_ against the mattress, the bedsprings squeaking in the aftermath. Coming back down was always the best part. The tremors zipping up and down her spine, her eyes glazed with sex and desire.

A hand brushed against the left side of her thigh, squeezing lightly to show off a form of reassurance. Meredith blinked several times in an effort to repair her her eyesight. "Der... Derek." She whimpered a small quiver present in her tone. He'd taken the ever living life right out of her and. She caught a glimpse of his raven curls positioned in between her limp legs and a churning smirk approaching his cheeks.

"How was that for _unwinding_?" Meredith could piece together he was proud of his accomplishment at the bare minimum. She enjoyed breaking those silly gender stereotypes by taking the lead in _any_ task at hand instead of allowing her male counterparts do the dirty work for her. Her partnership to Derek was no exception to her behavior. Meredith tended to take the reign of any activity performed in their relationship, _especially_ if said activity was taking place in the bedroom. In truth Meredith found humor in her current situation. Normally she was the one between _his_ legs smirking to oblivion as to how easily whipped he was by just the simplest of gestures. The tables were certainly turned that night and secretly she relished it.

"I think your tongue may have _little Derek_ beat by just a sliver." She pinched her thumb and forefinger together, leaving a tiny gap in between the pads of her fingers to demonstrate her point visually.

Derek crawled upward, laying next to her fatigued figure. He pressed his hands against her belly, splaying his fingers across her navel. Maternal thoughts roamed her brain at that very moment. She imagined Derek as one of those cliche fathers. The ones who _constantly_ stroked the baby bump. The ones who communicated with the developing fetus. The ones who delivered an extra 'I love you' to the bun in the oven before falling asleep. He'd be an **excellent** dad nonetheless. They rarely discussed their future, much less discussed forming a family together. Six months ago the slightest idea of having a child petrified her. Post-Derek Meredith was much more open to the idea even if she had worrisome fears of tormenting her only child.

Meredith glanced down and intertwined their fingers together. Derek's hand was much larger than her own and she mentally snorted at the way her bony fingers clamped around his which compared to the size of sausages. "Do you ever think about, babies?" She spewed the word vomit without even calculating the thought mentally first. _Stupid baby thoughts._

"What do you mean by _babies_?" His brow crinkled and a puzzled expression crossed his features, although the steady grasp he held to her hand never lightened. Not even for a moment.

"I don't know- babies." She ached he'd get the message she was trying to convey. Derek certainly was _no mind-reader_ to say the least. "Babies. Do you ever think about having babies. Children of your own?"

Her heart fluttered gazing at him preen like a child on Christmas morning. "I've _always_ wanted a baby." He confirmed with no hesitation. His left hand remained firmly across her abdomen and she noticed his gaze divert down to her bare skin. "Honestly I'm _that_ guy. The one who's been dreaming of having this perfect life. The one who wanted to get married and have kids- damnit I sound like a woman." Derek chuckled softly, lowering his head.

"Hey," Meredith interrupted. "There is nothing wrong with being a **woman**."

"Oh trust me, you've made that crystal clear for me." Derek winked at her playfully and began to stroke lightly over his girlfriends tummy. Her assumptions confirmed instantly. _He was definitely going to be one of_ _ **those**_ _fathers._ "Anyways. I've always wanted a baby but I never had anyone who'd been willing to give that to me." Derek orated that as if he'd been in serious relationships before with women who hadn't been willing to have a child with him.

"I have a hostile uterus." She blurted involuntarily. The amount of peril she was currently experiencing after concluding Derek could potentially _leave_ her for not being able create a baby with him scared the ever living hell right out of her. Her subconscious scoffed; since when did Meredith Grey fear over a man leaving her? "It would be difficult for me to conceive a baby." Meredith clarified, noticing the confusion sprawl across Derek's face. "A few years back I um." She paused. "Went to my gynecologist and I was informed my uterus was hostile. I _could_ carry a child but I guess it would be difficult to even _make_ a baby."

Derek's nose pressed to her hair became a prominent feeling and it suddenly eased the tension in her body, turning her every muscle, every bone, every limb into pure _jello. Only_ _ **he**_ _could do that to her._ "I guess we'd have to have **lots** of sex to make baby." She knew a smirk was stretched across his cheeks just by his tone and somehow his dirty commentary made her dark and twisty mood a little brighter.

"I'm serious!" A light giggle flittering from between her lips. "You want a baby but what if we get married and-"

"You want to marry me?" He nibbled her ear lobe.

"Shut up, Derek!" Meredith's neck craned to his direction and their eyes locked in a swirl of hazel green and cobalt blue. "Seriously." Her voice softer. "What if we get married and I can't make a baby for you." Her tone was raw, thick with emotion. "The one damn thing a woman is supposed to be able to do, I can't..." she mumbled beneath her breath.

"Hey," Derek removed his left hand from her belly and replaced the palm against Meredith's cheek. "Hostile doesn't mean you **can't**. It just means it takes a little more practice."

"But what if I **can't**?"

"Mere, there are other ways of making children. If the time comes and we end up down the line married and you honest to God want to have a baby and we try and try and try and it just doesn't work out then we can use a surrogate or adopt a baby. It's not foreign to do those things."

The two glittering oceans plastered to his face calmed Meredith's nerves. His eyes _always_ calmed her nerves. "Before I met you the word 'babies' horrified me." She chuckled and wiped the wetness from her waterline. "I didn't have intentions of meeting someone. Falling in love with them. I didn't believe in crummy fairytales and happy endings. That stuff just remained a myth to me. Then you rode into my life as my knight in shining... whatever and now here I am laying in your bed naked talking about having a baby." Meredith's eyes glistened as glossy tears conjured against her irises. "How freaking crazy is that?" She felt like an idiot for crying. Meredith Grey does _not_ cry. But then again Meredith Grey didn't believe in love yet she sit completely dumbstruck by Derek Christopher Shepherd.

 _'I love you.'_

 _'I really freaking love you.'_

"Pretty _freaking_ crazy." Derek replied in a hushed whisper. He inched closer to Meredith's body, curling his free arm around her waist. The couple lay against their sides, nose to nose. "I love you." He mumbled. "I love you so much, Meredith Grey."

Maybe fairytales and true love weren't a big myth. Perhaps everyone has a soulmate out there somewhere and some are more curious as to finding them than others. Meredith thought she'd found her soulmate a long while ago and when that _didn't_ go as planned soulmates deemed as nothing more than a _legend_ in her book. Then came Derek Shepherd and her perspective had flip flopped, twisted, and tumbled down a tall mountain.

"I love you, too." She mashed their lips together. He tasted of warm mint with a hint of her own arousal lingering behind. _She could kiss him forever._ Her tongue was dancing the tango with his own. _She_ _ **only ever**_ _wanted to kiss him._

* * *

"Long night?" Standing next to the nurses station may have not been the brightest decision Meredith had ever made, however she knew if she hadn't leant against the desk she might have toppled over. She hadn't _meant_ to have several consecutive rounds of **mega steaming hot sex**. She'd failed to fulfill the promise she'd made her body twenty-four hours ago to rest. But her raging, horny, vagina-living beast couldn't contain itself, especially after the heartfelt baby talk Meredith had shared with Derek the previous night.

Rose had been a pain in the _ass_ lately. It seemed as if she had her own personal 'Meredith Radar' that rang whenever Meredith was having a rough morning. What the hell was up her asshole anyways? Doesn't Rose have better things to do than worry about who Meredith Grey is screwing? Obviously not.

"Rose." Meredith divulged through gritted teeth. "Just didn't get much sleep is all." Why did she have to promise Derek to keep her temper in check? She would have slapped that lingering smirk on Rose's face off _long ago._

"Hmm." Her nails clacked against the counter. "Whoever the guy is must be _excellent_ in bed." In the back of Meredith's mind, she _knew_ Rose knew about she and Derek. She _knew_ Rose was jealous Meredith had _stolen_ Derek from her clammy little hands. She _knew_ Rose just wanted to crawl under Meredith's skin. It was all Meredith could do to restrain herself from screaming out, 'Yes Rose, Derek Shepherd is so fucking _amazing_ in bed. I'm so sorry you're such a jealous _whore_!'

Instead she responded with, "I guess I'm very lucky."

"Excuse me." A rough voice pricked Meredith's eardrum. " _Who was bothering me now?"_ Her conscience whined. It was all she could do to keep herself in order, she didn't need another incompetent idiot stirring the pot even more than it already had been.

Meredith glanced upward, her vision fixating on a tall, _sexy_ guy dressed in a leather jacket. His chiseled jawline complemented the chin strap of facial hair lining his face. His hair a combination of salt and pepper moused and tussled with some kind of hair product. Although the grey hairs were prominent in his tresses, his face radiated youth. His light eyes were a swirl of desire and lust and just by the mere glance Meredith could figure out this foreign man had definitely had more than a few 'lady partners' to fulfill his needs.

Her resentment to this guy vanished instantly. _'He can ask me_ _ **anything**_ _he wants'_ she mentally asserted. "May I help you with something?"

He grinned and a row of pearly whites clotted Meredith's vision. _He had a_ _ **really**_ _nice smile._

"I'm looking for the chiefs office, chief Webber." He stretched an arm out and the fingers on his right hand wiggled. _Who knows where the hell_ _ **those**_ _hands have been._ Knowing or not knowing, Meredith obliged to the gesture and shook his hand firmly. His palms were rough and the flesh resembled the hands of a surgeon after scrubbing in and out of surgeries plentiful of times. "Mark Sloan, by the way."

"Meredith Grey." She replied. The name sounded vaguely familiar. Where had she heard that name? TV? Nah, he was hot for sure but his charisma didn't radiate 'super famous celebrity.' His hands resembled those of a surgeons, perhaps he was one himself. Where had she heard that _name_? Meredith realized the wonder would eat her up all day unless her mind could cooperate and just remember the damn name! "Can I ask _why_ you're looking for the chief?"

Mark folded his hands, leaning against the nurses station. "Plastics. I'm a renowned plastic surgeon, I had my own private practice back in Manhattan." Of course! That's where she'd heard his name. He was only one of the countries _best_ plastic surgeons. What the hell was he doing here in Seattle? "I'm here to speak with chief Webber regarding an open position as the head of plastic surgery."

Meredith brushed a loose strand of blonde out of her eyes, tucking it back behind her ear. "What about your private practice?"

"Sold it." Mark ran a hand through his swirl of black and grey hair.

"Why Seattle Grace though? I mean this is a _great_ hospital and all but I know there are amazing hospitals back in New York. What about Mount Sinai?" Meredith hadn't meant to be such a prying pest, but the curiosity was eating her away. In truth she'd wondered the same thing about why the hell Derek had voyaged down to the west coast. He claimed he'd been in need of a 'change of scenery' but deep down Meredith realized something deeper had pulled him down. Derek mentioned being a different person back in Manhattan and she couldn't penalize him for having a past, even _she_ had a dark and twisty past, but she'd never moved across the country because of it.

"Let's just say I have a few _loose_ ends to tie up down here in Seattle." His statement puzzled her. _Tie up a few loose ends._ What the hell did that mean? She was eager to jump the gun and ask 'what loose ends?' and she would have in a heartbeat.

Then a fist came hurdling out of nowhere.

"Fuck." Derek grumbled, the man attached to the fist that had just pummeled a dent into Mark Sloan's cheekbone. Meredith's irises grew to saucers and a hand pressed firmly against her chest. A miniature crowd formed around the commotion, numerous murmurs and whispers buzzing around. She'd never witnessed Derek so violent before and it secretly scared her. _What the hell just happened._

"Derek..." Meredith began. Mentally she realized she'd just crossed a line by using his first name around their subordinates but hell, she couldn't have cared less. She inched closer, her fingers brushing against his bloody knuckle.

He used his good hand to splay his fingers across his untamed ravenous mane. "Meredith, that's Mark. The man who'd been secretly sleeping with my fiancée also known as my ex- best friend."

"Fiancée?" She croaked.

 **Authors note:**

Shit is going down! Shit is about to go down! This had been my plan from the beginning. I never had any intentions on making MerDer happy and together forever from the start. I know some of you didn't want Mark or Addison involved in this story, but come on what's a good story without a little bit of drama? I promise this story isn't the same as the one on Grey's Anatomy so don't scream and stomp just yet. Basically Mark showing up is Derek'a tormented past coming back to haunt him, a past he left behind in New York along with all the other things he'd been in that other life. AGAIN! This. Is. Not. The. Same. Story. As. Grey's. Just because a few things here and there are similar doesn't mean it's how they'll play out as they did on the show. Don't give up hope for MerDer just yet, I promise this is the beginning of all the secrets pouring out you've all been patiently waiting for. I hope this chapter sufficed for the wait I put all you through. Also what did you all think about the baby talk they had? And I should probably break out the weed killer for Rose. Please comment your thoughts! That's what makes me want to update and favorite as well! I love you all so much! Also, for those reviewing as guests, if your review isn't posting its most likely due to fact I haven't moderated it yet. I'm not sure why makes me moderate the reviews for guests but I promise, I see all of your reviews and I love seeing them! :)


	11. Brewing Storm 11

_Chapter 11 | Brewing Storm_

 **[Him]**

Derek's knuckles stung. The chain of stings zipping across his hand was a guilty indulgence. Adrenaline was most definitely the _last_ thing he should have felt after colliding his fist against Mark Sloan's right facial cheek. Although the pulsating zaps across his palm fed the accomplished fulfillment he'd craved for months on end, guilt plucked his heart and the worrisome thoughts collecting in his mind over the fact he may have just **destroyed** the nerves in his right hand, his _dominant_ hand. Derek could easily kiss his surgical career goodbye with that idea set in stone.

However it was not the fear of losing his impeccable Neuro talents that gnawed his gut away. It was the fear of losing Meredith Grey, the woman he'd so hopelessly fallen in love with.

Derek was kicked off his momentary pedestal and reeled back into the gruesome reality of the fact he'd punched Mark Sloan in front of more than half of his subordinates as well as the woman he _loved._ The whispers were already sifting through the crowd of colleagues, staggering glances shot him like a bullet to the chest. None of those said glances nearly as heart wrenching as the one dusted across his girlfriends face. It was more than obvious he and Meredith were a couple after she conveyed his first name and the choked _"fiancée?"_ Divulged its way from Meredith's esophagus and hopped along the clot of co-workers. Or at the least _something_ more than a pair of colleagues.

He wasn't a man of violence, especially physical harm. Derek recognized he had a temper and his frightening attitude reared its ugly head when his buttons had been pushed just a little too far. However, he was a verbal attacker. He was most definitely a screamer and his oral assaults have damaged individuals in the past. But he was never a hands-on-fighter and as unfortunate as the circumstances appeared, Meredith most likely believed he was an abuser. The thought made him nauseous.

Derek's eyes glanced between his swollen, _bleeding_ hand and Meredith's gaping stare. Dissonance drifting so thick a scalpel may have difficulty cutting through. The two blue oceans mounted to the front of his face pierced into the stormy skies of grey across the way. The glimmer Meredith's irises obtained after a mind boggling high indicating she had taken a voyage to heaven for a couple of scarce moments was most definitely the exact opposite of the current state her eyes were in.

Derek ached to do nothing more than envelope his arms around her body and hold her until the murky puddles of water lingering against her waterline dissolved into oblivion. He would have done it, caressed her figure against his own. The idea of molding their frames together at that moment was a calming realization. He desired the intimate contact. The thought teetered momentarily across his mind. Would she mind if he were to hold her right then and there? Or would she zip across the corridor in an attempt to escape the more than awkward situation.

Mark Sloan interrupted his strenuous thought process with a hoarse, "It's good to see you as well, Derek." Followed by a bitter chuckle. A few nurses scattered around the mysterious man from Manhattan, helping him off the ground. Derek mentally scoffed, knowing the cluster of women were only lifting him from the speckled tiles in an attempt to flirt. The show on display only made it that much harder for Derek to reel is emotions inward in order to keep all limbs to himself.

His attention diverted back to Meredith. The gawking expression plastered across her facial features moments earlier faded, a mixture of despair and peril forming. His chest felt tight and not in a _good_ way either. "Mere..." his tone gentle.

Derek was aware his lover was a runner. She'd mentioned her flaw a couple of times along side the usual _'I'm no good at the relationship thing'_ speil. He brushed the commentary under the rug every time she brought up the topic, mentally laughing as he _knew_ Meredith would never need to run from him. That was true, up until now of course. Even if it appeared that Meredith retained not a single ounce of fear, her facades transparency was prominent to the eyes of Derek Shepherd. _He_ knew she was fearful of _multiple_ concepts, relationships most definitely on that list.

"Don't." Meredith sat her digital chart against the countertop of the nurses station they were standing by. "Please, don't." She croaked her words in such a way that radiated _pain_ and _peril._ Derek watched with an attentive gaze, the tiny blonde shoving subordinates to the side as she made a bee-line for 'God knows where.' A dagger twisted at his heart watching the love of his life run. She ran. Meredith ran from the problem at hand. He secretly couldn't blame her.

"Don't any of you have jobs to get to? Go save some lives and direct your attention into something other than _my_ personal affairs!" Anger glazed over the despair sifting under his harsh orate. Within the blink of an eye nurses, residents, and interns scrammed and the area was virtually clear besides the mandatory nurses working the station. Derek guided his attention to Mark, catching a glimpse at the gash torn against his cheekbone. He assumed the wound would require suturing, although in the back of his mind he found humor. Mark Sloan wasn't _Prince Charming_ at the moment and nothing was more satisfying than that current ideal.

"What are you doing here?" Derek's tone hushed. He wasn't interested in any more of this brutal affair drifting through this hospital.

Mark sneered, rested his weight against the edge of the countertop. "Are you and Dr. Grey _screwing_ each other?" He craned his neck backward, staring for a few moments.

Derek rolled his eyes and they grew a shade darker. Cobalt and anger bubbles against his blue irises as Mark teetered their conversation toward a direction he wasn't interested in conveying. "You're ignoring my question, what the **hell** are you doing here, in fucking Seattle?" If Mark had stood only a few centimeters closer, Derek was positive the spit between his teeth would have showered his chiseled face.

"To get you back! Come on Derek are you going through a midlife crisis? Seattle is a drop in the bucket compared to the lifestyle you were living in Manhattan. Come back."

Derek's brow crinkled. He'd known Mark Sloan for the Marjory of his lifetime. He was the 'substitute' brother Derek never had the pleasure of having considering his household was a surplus of feminine. "Midlife crisis? Mark, I came to Seattle to start over. I don't _want_ to revert back to my old ways. Besides, even if I were interested in packing up and heading back east, I sure as hell wouldn't be doing it with **you**." He glanced over Mark's broad shoulder, a cluster of nurses and residents clouding the corridor Meredith had escaped down fifteen minutes earlier.

He'd planned on breaking the news to her about his previous relationship at some point. His ex fiancée was a prominent piece of his life pre-Seattle. Although he hadn't deemed his past partnerships conversation worthy when communicating with Meredith. Derek may have gotten on one knee and professed his love for someone through a shiny, sixteen-carrot diamond ring purchased from Tiffany's and co. but it didn't mean he'd felt things for other women the way he felt them for Meredith. She was his breath of fresh air. He'd been drowning for so long, Derek forgot what it felt like to breathe again. He assumed dousing his sorrows in scotch could numb the gaping wound in his heart, because feeling nothing was better than feeling nothing at all, right? Meredith Grey rescued him from the tsunami and he may have just pushed himself back in.

Derek shoved past Mark. "Hey, we aren't finished here Shepherd! Your ass isn't going to survive another day out here. Come back to New York!" His cries muffled against the pounding in Derek's eardrums. His stomach churned at the possibility Meredith leaving him.

* * *

 **[Her]**

The affair replayed continuously in her mind like a broken record that was screaming to be put out of its misery. The lump developing against her throat was the size of a softball. Her hands developed a thick sheen of sweat. Her forehead perspired and droplets of water slid down the back of her neck. Meredith's head was spinning as if she'd ridden the tilt-a-whirl one too many times for her liking. Her throat was raw and even the thought of divulging into a conversation twisted at her gut. _Fiancée._ It had been the first concept to reel Meredith into an overwhelming amount of peril. The previous night she'd been talking babies with Derek, having _his_ babies. Now she stood on shaky legs in an abandoned corner, pinching the flesh closest to her wrist in hopes this inexplicably languishing relapse in her head was simply a nightmare.

Reality was a _bitch._

Meredith slid her weight down the wall of her secluded hallway. Her limbs were twitching with anxiety. Her waterline forming fat, glossy tears. _Fiancée._ The thought alone of another woman merely touching Derek brought Meredith nausea. Derek getting on one knee and asking another woman to marry him made her suicidal. Men didn't control Meredith Grey and she made it a rule to keep her emotions in tact with the male population as the last serious relationship she endured ended... _harshly._ He had cast a spell on her and sifted every inch of willpower she held captive in her body away.

Meredith brushed the salty droplets against her scorching cheeks and noticed a slew of interns jibing her way. She fumed at the sight and anger coiled within her veins. "GET THE HELL OUT, NOW!" A hurricane brewed in her eyes and the ethereal emerald she'd sported for the last six months voyaged off to flipping Narnia, pulling in the storm of grey and thunder. Her hiss was low and scratchy, resembling the familiar sound of nails on a chalkboard. The groups eyes bugged and the three colleagues detoured to the other end of the corridor.

"I heard she's been banging Shepherd, and that was why she was so disoriented when he announced he had a fiancée. At least that's what Jackson Avery was telling everyone." Meredith's ears pricked at the commentary drifting between the flock of interns. Heat dusted her freckled face, anger bristling through her core. Jackson Avery had no right prancing around the hospital, exploiting her personal business. Sure, croaking Derek's name out in front of the crowd of co-workers wasn't her most intelligent decision. However how could someone conclude Meredith was simply using Derek for sexual purposes rather than he just being a close friend?

Her spine straightened as she adjusted herself to stand. Her fingers splayed across the front of her trousers and she wiped away the dust collecting at the navy fabric. She exerted a strenuous breath and heaved lowly. Medusa had been held captive by McDreamy and now she had no one to restrain her alter ego. Derek could go to McHell for all she cared at this point. He _lied_ to her and it nicked her in the gut. Meredith assumed she was past the lying and the cheating men, he was _supposed_ to be different.

Meredith wiped her red rimmed eyes with the back of her left hand, glancing in each direction to make sure the area was clear. She'd sob over Derek later; indulging on a tub of Ben and Jerry's strawberry ice cream while watching sappy 'break-up' movies to fill the gaping wound Derek left in her heart. Her current mission was to hunt down Dr. Avery and frighten him so terribly his _balls_ would be shaking.

The empathetic glares made her skin crawl. She didn't desire they're sympathy. Not a single person in that damn hospital knew a thing about her complicated partnership with Derek Shepherd. It sure as hell wasn't their place to spread rumors around. Gossip travelled the workplace faster than a swarm of bees to their hive. She'd contemplated coming clean about her secret romance with Derek a couple times in the previous weeks. This hadn't been the way she imagined it occurring.

* * *

 **[Him]**

"What the hell were you thinking, Derek? You're a goddamned Neurosurgeon and you're this _brainless_?" Derek felt like a mischievous thirteen year old who'd been caught triggering the fire alarm during school. He'd been so consumed with the adrenaline of 'pulling the alarm' he hadn't even thought about the backlash in the aftermath.

"I'm sorry, Chief." Derek shifted the _now melting_ ice pack from his swollen knuckles and splayed the dripping contraption to his wrist. He doesn't regret pounding in Mark's jaw. He does regret doing it in front of Meredith, though.

While escaping Mark's vicinity to scavenge out Meredith, Richard Webber caught word of the commotion down by the nurses station and he felt as if he'd been caught with his hand in a cookie jar, _or Mark Sloan's face._ "My hand is going to be fine." He continued, knowing deep down Richard was frantically panicking over his head of Neuro's hand corrupting permanently.

"I'm not worried about the hand." Richard leaned against the edge of his mahogany desk, his fingers brushing against the gold plaque stating his position. "I'm not one to tune into the gossip and drama frolicking around this joint. Although, the accusations being accounted toward you and Dr. Grey have me concerned."

Blush licked flames across his scolding cheeks and he was sure Richard could see the emotions slewing across his face. "What are you saying?"

"I know what Addie did to you Derek," his tone dialing down a notch and the serious demeanor his expression carried only moments earlier dissolved. "I know that she and Mark broke your heart, but I also know that deep down you'd never been angry enough to _hit_ Mark."

"How does this relate to Mer- Dr. Grey?"

He exerted a sigh, enveloping his arms around his chest. "You walked in on Mark Sloan having relations with Addison Montgomery and you do nothing more than grab a duffle bag and journey across the country. You find Mark doing no more than just talking to Meredith Grey and suddenly your knuckles are colliding into his cheek."

Derek's chest tightened and it felt harder to inflate his lungs with oxygen. "Chief, that was just built up resentment and anger I-"

"I listen to the rumors about you two. I see the way you look at one another when you think no one is watching. I know _all_ about secret affairs, Derek. I've been _in_ secret affairs before."

He was curious to know who the mystery woman Richard disowned Adele with, although he didn't remember he having an affair. Derek's known the chief for a while now, way before he'd called and asked him to voyage out to the west coast for a job opening. Richard had been a mentor back when he was nothing more than a lowly intern with wild, untamable curls and a scrawny demeanor.

"It was different with Addison." A low grunt sneaked out from between Derek's lips as his back relaxed against the leather upholstery of the chair. His eyes fluttered shut, reminiscing on his previous life back in Manhattan. A year ago he was accustomed to scotch at seven o'clock in the morning. He looked forward to getting away from his private practice. Derek relished the late night parties and the barely clothed women rubbing against him. He was blind and even though he wouldn't dare admit to it, he almost felt relieved Mark and Addison gave him the wake up call he needed. "I was a different man back in New York. I was blindsided by the extravagant parties, money, and women. I thought _love_ was finding a flawless, long legged girl to spend the rest of my life with. I-I didn't know what love felt like until I came here and..." his sentence drifted and his words subsided to a close.

"Met Meredith. You met Meredith Grey." Richard continued.

"I fell in love with her. Real love. What Addison and Mark did hurt me, but the thought of losing Meredith to someone else I feel nauseated and everything hurts. My chest tightens and my vision is cluttered with blurriness. L-Losing her would destroy me. I'd teeter back into my past habits." Derek ran his fingers across the fabric of his scrub pants. His entire heart and soul belonged to Meredith Grey and he may not even have her anymore after the fiasco that afternoon. She was most likely halfway to Mexico by now. "What if she's done with me? Richard she's a runner. Do you know how hard it was getting her to commit her feelings to me? What if all that we worked so hard for crumbles?"

"Derek," Richard jibed toward him slowly. "I was a love sick puppy once and I chose _wrong_ when it came to the finale decision. I should have fought harder but I didn't and now here I am old, divorced, and lonely. Don't be like me, Derek. Fight for Meredith."

* * *

 **[Her]**

Meredith stoked out each and every hall, on-call room, exam room, and lounge located in Seattle Grace. She was determined on finding Jackson Avery and giving him a piece of her mind. In the very back of her mind she realized _none_ of these rumors would be spreading like wildfire if she would have just kept her trap shut. Convulsing Derek's first name and dashing the other way while reasoning with her was unprofessional on multiple levels. Her anger was blindsiding her better judgement though and she was reverent on finding that boy and setting the record straight.

She stormed into the cafeteria, scanning the room with a beastly demeanor. The majority of the vicinity was clustered with residents and interns, munching down on soggy three-day-old turkey and cheese sandwiches. Their conversations seemed to die down once making an entrance. Meredith could feel their stares crawling down her spine and it had been the first time in her life she was nervous around a group of lowly subordinates. She blames Derek's persistent grin and encouraging speeches as the soul reason her spine of steel has begun to sag.

Her fingers fumble with the loose string flailing freely at the hemline of her lab coat. It helps distract her attention away from the whispers and gazes and steers it back to her primary focus. She glances the left as a clot of snickers prick her eardrum. Clear as day, Jackson Avery is surrounded by a group of attending's she vaguely recognizes, positioned at the head of their table. Her blood is boiling over at the sight. How _dare_ he be so _happy,_ while she stands there so _miserable_?

Her converse squeak against the floor as she shuffles over to the cluttered table of attending's. As she trod's closer to the secluded eating area, each of their faces becomes recognizable. She knows a few of them, _some better than others._ Izzie, George, Alex, and Cristina were the individuals she shared her intern year with. April and Jackson hadn't ventured to Seattle Grace until recently and it was just another reason to tack against the list of reasons she _hated_ them. Exerting a deep breath, Meredith slapped her right hand against the tabletop and almost immediately their attention diverted to Meredith's preening smirk.

The fear their expressions held gave her a sick and twisted pleasure. She could feel her spine hardening by the second, Medusa was crawling out of the cave she'd been held captive to for such a long while. "Dr. Avery." Meredith said, disgust wafting her tone. "A little birdie tells me _you've_ been spreading rumors about me and Dr. Shepherd around."

"It's not rumor if it's _true_ , Dr. Grey." Jackson narrowed his baby blue irises on her jade ones, which happened to be flaming with fury. She was well aware Jackson was a shark, he'd been one the moment he stepped across the threshold. He occasionally pushed her buttons just to get a rise out of her. Jackson was most definitely past pushing and flat out ripping the buttons out of her.

Meredith sneered at him. "What Dr. Shepherd and I do is none of your goddamn business! Where the hell are you getting your information from, huh?" She noticed the table grow deathly silent. Nothing but clinks of silverware and the crunching of stale chips graced the vicinity. Each of their smirking expressions fading into a fearful grimace. "Who's the fucking source?!" Her echoes bounced across the cafeteria walls, she was sure almost everyone heard the aggressive sentence.

"Does it matter?" Alex spoke up, craning his head backward.

"Yes, it fucking matters. I want to know who decided to snoop in my personal affairs and spread them around like some shitty game of telephone." Meredith enveloped her arms around her chest. The tension was inexplicably hostile, so thick her scalpel may not be able to sift through.

"It was me." A squeaky voice piped. Meredith's attention snapped toward the redhead, crouched in her seat. "I saw you and Dr. Shepherd coming out of an on-call room one day a few months ago I-"

"What?" She didn't mean for the crack in her voice. Her spine was virtually a pile of mushy jello once more. She was angry to an extent but a wave of sadness crashed over her formerly fiery attitude. Her gut curled. April Kepner believed she was only using Derek as a personal sex toy. Even worse spread the gossip around to her group of idiotic friends.

"Dr. Grey, I-I'm so sorry."

"Oh you'll be _sorry_ , Kepner." Meredith brushed a strand of golden tresses from her eyes and scattered off toward the French doors leading out to the hall.

April's voice muffled in the background along with the shoe squeaks, door openings, and irrelevant conversations commuting between colleagues. She ignored each and every one of April's chants to get her to turn around. Meredith continued forward in hopes of finding an empty on-call room to break down in. It hadn't been up until five minutes ago when the squeaky redhead revealed her secret that Meredith realized how deeply she felt for Derek. She figured it would be easy to brush him off her mind and _hate_ him rather than facing him head on. _Love_ is a strong, overbearing, twisted thing, it seems to be falling out of it is harder than falling in it.

"Dr. Grey!" April shouted. "Dr. Grey!" Again. "Meredith Grey, turn around we need to talk!" Meredith halted dead in her tracks, turning to face a flustered April panting for dear life. "I know it looks bad, but I promise I can explain-" Meredith gripped her wrist and dragged her down the corridor with no further explanations. A weight lifted from her shoulders as she eyed an unused on-call room and dragged April in with her. Her thumb and forefinger twisted the silver lock. She stood facing the wooden door, heaving deep breaths.

"Do not explain a _damn_ thing." She muttered. "You had no right or place to talk about my personal business with other people. I know you all think I'm a cold hearted and callus freak but I don't spread intimate details about everyone throughout the hospital." Meredith turned and glossy tears glazed her irises. Her waterline red rimmed as well as the tip of her nose.

"Dr. Grey..."

"It's Meredith. I'm about to tell you something extremely private so for god fucking sakes call me Meredith." She trotted closer, fumbling with her fingers. "At first, I was using him. I was emotionally shut off but I needed a good _fuck._ I didn't want to _like_ him much less _love_ him. Yet here I am talking to you who I'm supposed to hate, in an on-call room blubbering over the fact the guy I'm in love with has, had, or whatever it is, a fiancée. And I learn that for months you've known but you think I'm taking advantage of him, but I'm not! It's a struggle for me to open my feelings up to people. Letting people in is the hardest thing I've ever done. If it weren't for Derek, I would have dropkicked you off the side of the building by now." Meredith wiped her eyes and chuckled lightly. "But he makes me a better person. He's the reason I'm in here with my emotions practically bouncing off the walls. I love him and I might have just lost him."

Through a hazed glare, Meredith watched April fumble with the bracelet planted on her left wrist. She was beginning to regret spilling the details on her secret romance, fearing April would run out and blab it to the entire hospital. "I know you and Dr. Shepherd are a couple. Before I knew I accidentally told my friends and ever since then I've felt an intense amount of guilt."

"How do you know?"

April smiled softly. "Dr. Shep- Derek told me a few weeks ago."

Meredith clenched her fists into a ball, her knuckles fading to a pasty white. "I'm gonna kill him..." she murmured.

"It was an accident." April confirmed quickly, "he um, made me swear not to tell anyone else, because he wanted to respect your wishes." The redhead preened like a peacock. "Meredith, he worships the ground you walk on. Everyday he tells me how amazing you are to him and how _lucky_ he is to have found you. He's a love struck puppy for Petes sake! If he was with another woman, he wouldn't think so highly of you." She curled her fingers around Meredith's shoulder blade and gave a gentle reassuring squeeze. "So he has a past, _who doesn't_?"

Meredith felt like a hypocrite at that moment. She was chiding Derek for having a past lover while she was keeping her own dark secrets locked away down in a dungeon of sadness. Maybe it was time to share those experiences she had, rather than keeping them all to herself. Grieving doesn't make you weak, it makes you _human._

A knock disrupted her thoughts. Her body tensing instantly, who the hell could _that_ be?

"Meredith?" _Him._ It was Derek behind that door, he'd come looking for her. Part of Meredith wanted to rip his head off and use it as her own personal bowling ball. Yet the other part wanted to do nothing more than hold onto him and never let go. _No running. Face the problem head on._

"Talk to him." April commented. "He does worship the ground you walk on." Meredith snorted at the last statement she conveyed, pulling herself together.

"I can do this. No running." Meredith reminded herself. "I won't run this time."

* * *

 **[Him]**

Derek searched for her _everywhere._ Literally, there was no doubt he'd searched almost every on-call , MRI, CT, or exam room. He feared she'd left the building and trying to find Meredith in an unconfined area made his stomach curdle. He splayed a gentle knock against the mahogany door, followed by a weak _"Meredith."_ In hopes he'd find her here.

The door swung open, revealing her flawless face. Although her eyes were rimmed with exhaustion and tears, he still found her wildly attractive. Damnit, Meredith Grey could pull off a brown paper bag and still be the most attractive thing on Derek's radar. He ached to stroke her cheek, kiss her plump lips, caress her body against his until his arms went numb.

He glanced over her shoulder and April Kepner was suddenly filling his line of vision. Derek blinked a few times, unsure of whether his mind was playing tricks on him or if April and Meredith had actually been confined in a room together without murdering one another. He shook the idea away, too focused on Meredith to care about why April was standing in the middle of the room.

"We should talk." Meredith whispered. Her fingers trickled down his chest, combing through the minimal chest hairs peeking out against the collar of his scrubs. The gesture soothed him, a tranquil feeling sifting through his veins.

"Yeah." He conveyed quietly. April squeezed between the couple, most likely exiting to give them privacy. He'd have to ask Meredith what the hell they were doing together. But it could wait. He'd wait for her _forever._

They shuffled inside, this time he locking the door. "I need to talk and you need to listen." Meredith disclosed. She sat atop of the small coffee table positioned to the middle of the vicinity. She sat Indian style, and her hands covered each of her knee caps. Derek nodded and took a seat across from her. His chest was tightening and he feared the next few words coming from her mouth were a going to convey a break up.

"When I was in med school, I met a guy named Finn Dandridge. He didn't attend the same university as me or anything, but we met at a small coffee shop that most college students went to for study breaks." Derek crinkled his brow. A puzzled expression fell against his face and he wondered 'what the hell was she talking about?' Though he didn't retort and allowed her to continue with the bizarre story.

"He was _amazing._ I fell in love _hard_ and _fast_ because he was just an amazing guy. He made me feel like the most special person in the whole world. No one had ever made me feel like that before. I was an outsider for such a long time; I had pink hair and wore all black back in high school. My mother neglected me all day every day. My father left when I was just a child. Finn's love for made me feel like I was important. I wanted to be important." Her voice cracked and Derek could spot the tears collecting st her corneas. He figured this tale was headed down a dark and twisty road and he mentally prepared himself for the boulder rolling his way. "We dated for a year and half and I was sure he was bound to propose to me soon. I doodled 'Mrs. Finn Dandridge' in my notebooks and mapped out what our future would be like as a married couple. I even considered the idea of having children with him. At that point we were sharing an apartment and I was headed home, almost certain he was going to pop a ring out. Well, he certainly popped something out alright." Meredith chuckled, but it was clouded by remorse. Derek felt nauseated to say the least. The direction her story was going made him uneasy.

"Meredith-"

"Let me finish." She scolded. "I walked in and he was standing in the kitchen holding something. I called his name and he turned, a gun placed in hands. I was confused, what the hell did Finn have a gun for? I was too busy wondering why he had a gun in the first place to understand what it was for. Before I knew it his hands were around my neck. I couldn't breathe and I was mortified. He reeked of whisky and I knew he'd been drinking heavily, although his attentions were much deeper than a drunken misunderstanding. He held the gun to my head and said if I made another sound, moved another time, he would shoot me. My mind was blank because all I could think about was the fact his fingers curled around my neck were blocking my airway passage and if I didn't move his hand soon I'd be unconscious within seconds. I knew it was a long shot but I had no other choice. I kicked his shin and to my surprise it worked. He growled a gnarly sound and the gun plummeted to the ground. The trigger had been set off and it shot his ankle. Long story short I got the hell out of there and never looked back. I was mortified, _everything_ scared me. I couldn't call the police because I was worried he'd plan revenge. I couldn't tell anyone because he'd find out. I blanked out a lot after that. I dropped out a semester and did nothing but drink, party, and do _drugs._ It started out with a few more Advil's than I was supposed to take, slowly digressing into weed, pot, which grew into the really heavy stuff like cocaine and heroine. The worst part was I didn't even know I was a drug addict. I didn't even know it until I was pronounced dead for exactly four minutes and twenty two seconds. Waking up alone in that hospital bed, restraints holding my arms down, doctors coming in, left and right, recommending rehab facilities for me to attend was enough to scare me sober." Tears were streaming down her cheeks at this point and Derek couldn't say he was much better. Her story hit him in a hard place as his sister had been in the same boat not too long ago.

"I got back on my feet and closed myself off from everyone. I went back to Dartmouth, earned my medical degree, and even graduated early. That's the reason it's so hard for me to open up to people. That's the reason it was hard for me to love you. That's the reason I'm dark and twisty. That's the reason I'm a freak who shuns everyone away. I thought Finn was the love of my life and he tried to kill me and then I killed myself trying to forget what he did. I'm sorry for keeping all of these secrets from you. I don't want our pasts to interfere with what we have now. Okay, I'm finished."

Derek rose from the polymer chair he'd been resting in. He pulled Meredith into his arms, running his fingers through her honey blonde tresses. His lips pressed to her temple and he whispered soothing words against her ear. Quiet sobs quaked from her shaking frame and his heart constricted watching Meredith tear down right before his eyes. The only thing he wanted at that very moment was his girlfriend in his arms, safe and sound forever. Derek never wanted another to go by where he was securely protecting her. She needed him just as much as he needed her.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

 **I'm an awful person I was supposed to updated Tuesday and now it's Friday (probably Saturday for some of you, sigh) but I've been so busy this week I've had no time to write or I had no inspiration. It comes in surges for me and I get brinks of inspiration at the times I can't write ): which honestly sucks. But anyways, it's here, and I hope it was worth the wait!**

 **I did separate POVs in this chapter and I'd enjoy hearing your thoughts on it. I normally stick to one per chapter but I felt this was such a monumental one I needed both of their perspectives to get an insight on what they were both thinking.**

 **What are your feelings on Meredith's dark and twisty past coming out?! I've been thinking about how I wanted to approach it for a while and I figured, why not get it out in the open already? I have big plans for this story and I felt holding off her issues wasn't going to help with the character progression. This doesn't mean she's whole and healed. It just means she's ready to move on and prepare to let that piece of herself go once and for all!**

 **Also, what did you think about the April and Meredith interactions? I honestly liked it myself and I'm excited to develop it into something more. Potentially a friendship (;**

 **So many things I wish I could have covered in this chapter but again, it would have been so long I wouldn't have been able to get through it.**

 **Please review this chapter for me and favorite and vote or whatever you all do. Your opinions make me excited to write more! I'll try and be more responsible and try and update weekly possibly more if I have time. I love you all so much and thank you for reading!**


	12. Mother Nature 12

_Chapter 12 | Mother Nature_

Meredith caught Derek reverently gazing at her attentively for the fourth time during her breakfast. His discrete glances weren't _creepy_ per-say, more _uncomfortable_ while her molars chomped down on a clump of _fruit loops._ The steel spoon clamped between her fingers and palm stirred the artery-clogging, sugar infused meal around the porcelain bowl. The milk sifted into a colorful assortment of rainbow hues, her appetite drifting.

"Do you want me to fix you something else?" Derek's persistent, calming tone interrupting the trance her breakfast had cast on her. His fingertips brushing against her forearm as a form of reassurance to remind Meredith his presence was prominent. She craned her neck to the left and he flashed her a dapper grin. Exposing her tormented backstory weighed its pros and cons. Derek's overbearing smothering was more than irksome for Meredith. He's engrossed himself into almost every single personal decision she's made since the truth bomb she dropped a week ago.

Meredith slowly shook her head, the metallic utensil clinking against the edge of her bowl. "No I'm just not that hungry this morning." It wasn't a lie, she'd had little to no appetite for the past seven days. Meredith blamed her nausea on the stress she'd reeled herself through over Derek becoming aware of her dark and twisty background. It was unsettling to an extent having someone else engrossed with the intimate details of her past life, yet there were multiple aspects she relished. Meredith was able to confine to another person about her troubles without fear creeping up and down her skin like a flesh eating animal that Finn would someone how find her. It gave her peace of mind knowing Derek wasn't running either.

She glanced as the creases beside Derek's sparkling irises crinkled in concern, mentally preparing herself for the lecture he was getting ready to drop. "Mere, you need nutrition. You've barely eaten a thing this past week, I'm worried about you." His hand curled around her shoulder, squeezing softly.

"I'm fine." Meredith argued rather quickly, almost as if her brain was operating on autopilot. "I don't need _you_ to babysit me, Derek. I'm a grown woman and I can fend for myself. How do you think I survived before you waltzed into my life?"

The expression crossing Derek's face wasn't a pleasant one, although he didn't appear angry either. "If you think I'm concerned about your health because of what you told me last week-"

"I knew it!" Meredith spat. She slammed the ceramic bowl against the countertop, frothy milk sloshing out of its chamber. "I knew I shouldn't have told you about what I've been through."

"Meredith, I just said I wasn't babying you because of that!" He countered, a hiss lingering in his tone.

She sloppily dropped the bowl into the sink. "Don't play dumb Derek! I'm not blind or crippled! I'm well aware of the way you've treated me since that day in the on-call." Her stomach twisted and that nauseating feeling she'd been experiencing on and off for the last week was bubbling upward in her gut.

"How have I been treating you, Mere? Tell me how I've been treating you so _awfully_?"

She rolled her eyes in annoyance and leaned backward against the cool edge of the sink. She exerted a strenuous breath and splayed her long fingers against her navel. "You're so cautious. Like I'm a ticking time bomb that's going to explode with one wrong move. You're so protective over me and watch over me like some kind of child. You prop my pillows, rub my back, make me meals! I'm not incompetent Derek, I'm a _big girl._ You won't even _touch_ me."

"It's called being your _boyfriend_." His tone was a gentle one. Something calming like the rhythmic sound of waves in an ocean. "You only notice me doing those things now because you think it's because of what you told me. The thing you shared with me doesn't change how I _feel_ about you. It's just another thing I get to add to my list of reasons to _love_ you."

She diverted her eyes to the opposite side of the kitchen. "How does me being a drug addict make you love me more?"

Derek's presence in her personal bubble was prominent as the tips of his fingers graced against her rosy pink cheeks. "It makes me love you more because it shows that you're strong. You fell off the horse, who hasn't? But you had enough strength to get back on and by the looks of it, you're doing a pretty good job at staying aboard." He paused to chuckle lightly and he pushed back the loose strands of honey-blonde hair falling against her eyes. "I pamper you because I love you, it doesn't mean I think you need special attention. That's why I do it."

"What about the no touching thing. We haven't had sex in a week." Meredith was still teetering on the fence. It was who she was, a worrywart, fearful of _everyone_ convulsing lies right to her face. Even if Derek was by far the most trustworthy and truthful man she'd ever met, it didn't change how she felt.

"You said you weren't feeling well, I listen Meredith. Plus we've been so busy lately. We can't have sex at the hospital anymore because you said everyone was far too suspicious of our situation. If you want sex, just ask." That devious grin Derek carried around grew from his cheeks. The distant and hostile attitude she'd been feeling toward her lover disintegrated into little specs of dust. Meredith felt sultry and desired Derek carnally. Porny images of Derek lying across the island naked was enough to make her panties uncomfortable.

Her pager shrilled through the vicinity and Meredith had never resented that damn thing more than she had now. She'd have to contain her hormones for the time being, there were lives to save after all. "I have to go." Meredith puffed her lower lip out, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"You could always call in sick, I had a lot of _dirty_ sex planned for you." Lust danced along his cobalt eyes. Meredith gathered every inch of will power her body held to restrain her hands from ripping their clothes off in that minute. A day was _too_ long without sex with Derek. A week was just cruel and unusual punishment in her book. She'd screwed men in the past, sex was _good_ back then. Potentially _really_ good depending on her amount of tequila intake. Sex with Derek though, sex with Derek was out of this world. It was most definitely an out of body experience. Maybe that's why they call it 'making love' because an activity so intimate is better when you're doing it with someone you _love._

Meredith rested her forehead against his own, pecking his warm and lush lips. "As much as I'd enjoy playing hooky and doing you right there on my counter, it's 911." The hostile environment moments ago was whisked away by the love and desire spreading.

"Rain check?" Derek questioned, entwining their fingers.

"Rain check." She pecked his lips once more, like a habit. "I'll see you in a bit. Are you heading back to your trailer? I know you have the day off."

"I might stay here, if you don't mind?" Meredith's thumb stroked the charcoal stubble decorating his cheek. _He needs a shave._

She smiled softly, leaning in for another lip lock. "That's fine with me." She could taste mint swirled with a dash of espresso against his lips. His cologne lingering from the day before filled her nostrils. She adored his scruffy morning appearance, the disgruntled nest of raven hued hair sprouting from his scalp, the dopey eyed glaze shadowing over his eyes, and his tussled Bowdoin t-shirt. _Oh how she adored his appearance._

The pager shrieked once more and Meredith groaned at the thought of leaving. Their foreheads touched once more before Meredith sprang one more kiss across Derek's lips. "Love you!" She called out, exiting the home.

* * *

She'd become a surgeon because of the _rush._ The gore and the guts exhilarated her blood and pumped adrenaline through her veins. The O.R. was her sanctuary. A serene establishment just for her. She could slip off into a different world and forget the troubles lingering around in her mind. The O.R. never let her down. The O.R. Was Meredith Grey's _person._ At least it had been.

A twenty-three year old woman, needed a Laparoscopic Colon Resection and Meredith was lead surgeon on the case. _Who else of course?_ She was scalpel deep into the patients abdomen, shifting around bowel. To Meredith's dismay, she was forced to open the patient up due to abnormalities.

The sterile fragrance sifting through the operating room tickled her nose. Normally she could bare the scent no problem, however today her stomach was roiling at the foul stench and the patients intestines in her face were contributing to the queasiness. _Mind over matter_ Meredith's conscious repeated, determined to get through this surgery without hurling chunks. The O.R. smell had never made Meredith so nauseated. Even a year ago while fighting the stomach flu she hadn't felt the need to hurl so suddenly. She was in no position to be coming down with some germ, her patients _needed_ her and the mere thought of leaving them in the hands of her incompetent subordinates frightened the living daylights out of her.

The sugary coated goodness Meredith digested earlier that morning was faintly wafting near the back of her throat. She resented Derek for insisting she indulge on something despite the fact she'd had little to no appetite for last couple of days. Her belly gurgled and she feared colleagues could hear the rumbling. _Mind over matter._

Meredith exerted a long breath before returning to her surgery. She tried diverting her attention to something else other than the bleeding organs and sterile odor contaminating her brain. Whatever the hell was bugging her tummy was sure to pay for the havoc it's caused her during work. Meredith didn't become ill and even when she did she pushed through no matter how high her fever or how much she desired to spew her guts out. However this time around, the only thing Meredith found appeasing was laying on her couch while Derek stroked her forehead attentively. _Derek._ He would get her mind off things. _Think about Derek Shepherd_ her conscious whispered over and over again, hammering the message into her skull.

Her emerald eyes fluttered shut momentarily, flashes of Derek's preening grin plastering against the backs of her eyelids. "Dr. Grey?" A voice directed her attention away from the fantom Derek Shepherd jolting across her mind.

"What?" She replied slightly disoriented.

Bokhee, her favorite and _oldest_ scrub nurse had been the one to clutch her attention and steer her back to reality. "Are you alright, doctor?"

Meredith nodded rather quick, conveying a rushed, "Yes, just peachy." before returning her attention back to the patient laying almost lifelessly on the table. "More suction." Meredith added, reaching for the ten-blade against the steel platter.

The remained twenty minutes of her surgery felt more like she was living in dog years. Perhaps some _Pepto Bismol_ would calm her stomachs lurching quakes.

Emptying the contents of her belly was definitely a no-go. Retching in a public restroom would most certainly turn heads and she wasn't ready to endure more of the rumor mill that week. She'd been on her toes the last week, piled high with gossip zipping through the hospital about a potential affair developing between she and Derek. As far as she knew, April Kepner was the only person aware of the entire situation. As off as it seemed, she trusted that woman with the information she'd provided last week in the on-call room. It felt nice having a living human being in the know other than herself and Derek, although she wasn't ready to let the rest of staff in on their secret romance. At times Meredith felt like Juliet, sneaking off to be with her Romeo even if it be forbidden to the public. Perhaps she'd read too many Shakespeare novels in her youth and now she was reliving her own life through the characters of the books.

Meredith scurried down the catwalk, hurrying off to the attending's lounge. She prayed to whatever was up there in the sky her bag had an emergency bottle of the thick, pink liquid that calmed overly enthusiastic stomachs.

Bumping into someone hadn't been apart of her escape plan, although it may have been a far more intelligent move keeping her head up rather than on her black converse. "Fuck." Meredith grumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger.

"You have quite the potty-mouth Dr. Grey." She internally cringed. God, Meredith knew that conniving sinister tone like the back of her hand. _Rose._ What was that woman's deal? Was she still fawning over Derek? They'd broken their _relationship_ well over six months ago.

Meredith tore the lavender scrub cap from her head, revealing the French braids engraved across her scalp. "I'm sure you've heard much worse." She countered, enveloping her arms against her chest.

Rose grunted, potentially a snarky chuckle. Meredith didn't know. "I can't say that's a lie," she smirked. "I've heard you moan Dr. Shepherds name once or twice in an on-call room."

"Excuse me?" Meredith's blood was curdled. How dare this bimbo with the botched boob job judge she and Derek's intimate relationship? She'd never liked Rose, even before meeting Derek. She was the head of the gossip train and lately Rose had an all express pass to Meredith town with the juicy details of her personal life.

"Well the on-call rooms are normally right next to the nurses station. I'm most certain it was your voice calling out his name, or am I mistaken?"

The cluster of co-workers surrounding them contained the raging animal inside Meredith who was more than ready to pounce and claw at Rose's face. "You know what, _Rose?_ So what if I was calling out Derek Shepherd's name? So what if gives me **amazing** orgasms? So what if he loves me and I love him? Are you jealous?"

The way Rose's eyes widened like saucers was enough to bring Meredith contentment. Although she hadn't ideally meant to blab yet another secret she wanted to keep in, she was far too annoyed with Rose's endless taunting. Meredith smirked, shoving Rose's shoulder as she trailed through the double doors of the catwalk.

* * *

Medicine was used to make people _better_ not _worse._ That is unless one were to intake the wrong antibiotic or prescription. Side effects could also potentially cause rouge symptoms to the human body. However, medicines main job was to heal, not destroy.

The _Peptol Bismol_ Meredith indulged on a few hours earlier had only upset her stomach even more than it had been before. She used to guzzle that stuff down back in her partying days after a long night of drinking and caravanning around to clubs. The pasty liquid normally calmed her upset belly during a virus based infection or even food poisoning. As unfortunate as it was, the medicine resembling a bubble gum hue hadn't worked for her this time. Maybe she was immune to it. After indulging on it so many times back in the day, her immune system reacted differently to the intake of the 'beverage.'

Meredith rolled over to her stomach, burying her face into the worn couch cushions of the musty army green colored couch in her living room. Derek was in her kitchen, preparing his 'magic' chick soup. Meredith rolled her eyes when he'd mentioned making her some. _Why would she be able to keep soup down?_ Although his persistent grin turned her insides to complete mush and she complied to his request.

"Did you see Dr. Sloan today?" Derek quipped, creeping into the room. Chicken noodle soup fragranced the living room and to Meredith's surprise it didn't make her want to barf her lunch up.

"In the hall I guess, I was too busy trying to keep my vomit down!" Meredith snapped, sitting up slowly.

The bowl clinked against the wooden coffee table and a cool palm pressed to her forehead. "No fever." Derek commented, brushing her bangs back. "Maybe it's food poisoning or a bug?"

"Whatever it is, its ruined my entire day." She'd been woozy the last week or so but it hadn't been so prominent until today. "We were going to have _dirty kitchen counter sex_ tonight and instead I'm laying on couch while you baby me with your chicken soup!" Meredith's hands flipped and flopped, adding emphasis to her point.

Derek chortled lightly, sitting by Meredith. "Deep down you know you love me taking care of you."

"I do not! She spat immediately.

"Alright, Mere. Since you're sick I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."

She would argue, Meredith could argue with a brick wall for hours if she aspired to do so. But the pounding in her head and the churning in her belly decided against it. She nuzzled her head into the nape of Derek's neck, her ear pressing to the dip in his collarbone. He made her safe, her _knight in shining whatever._ She claimed she didn't need Derek, that she'd be just fine without him, at least to his face. Deep down in the depths of her soul, Meredith knew she needed Derek at times, times such as this one when she was sick and wanted someone to lie on. She'd never had that, someone to lie against when she was ill.

"How was your day off?" Meredith asked, changing the current topic.

"Boring." He replied simply, slewing his fingers through her honey-blonde tresses. "I cleaned a little, you're welcome by the way." He teased.

Meredith pressed her lips to his Adam's apple, allowing her warm mouth to linger against his flesh. "Thank you." She murmured. The couple sits still for a few moments, enjoying the silence drifting. The intimate moment wasn't long lasting however.

Meredith's stomach gurgled again and she felt as if she couldn't keep it down this time. "God." She mumbled, slapping her left hand across her navel.

"Mere..?" Derek whispered against her head of tousled locks. Her fingers tightened against Derek's cotton t-shirt and she mumbled something unintelligent against his chest.

She jumped from her lovers grasp, sprinting from the couch and off into the hall bathroom down the hall. The door slam echoed throughout the house and before Meredith could process what was happening, her fingers were clamping around the porcelain thrown and her lunch was making a reappearance. Meredith couldn't remember the last time she'd allowed herself to retch. Even with the stomach flu she barely dry heaved. However, what she was doing now was far from exerting saliva. Her hair flopped against her face, her hands too busy holding her body upright to move the locks away from her eyes.

Derek's hand pressed to the small of her back frightened Meredith at first. She came to her senses though when realizing it was Derek who'd come to her rescue. Her back slumped against the wall of the half bath. Her head was swimming. Meredith wanted nothing more than to crawl into a fetal ball and lay like that for hours.

"It's okay." Derek cooed against the crown of Meredith's head. It was times such as these she felt thankful he was there to take care of her. _She'd never had that._ "I'm right here." His calming tone soothed the dissonance in her muscles and calmed the churning in her belly for the moment. Her throat was burning and her vision was blurry.

"Normally I can control it." Meredith croaked, nuzzling her nose against his shirt. He smelt good. _Aftershave and Calvin Klein cologne._

"Control it?"

Meredith glanced upward and took notice of the crinkle in his brow, the stupor expression prancing across his face. "When I'm sick." She cleared up. "When I'm sick I can normally keep it down. To be honest I'm not sure how I kept it down in the O.R. today I was sure I was going to hurl chunks all over my patient." Meredith laughed slightly, stopping abruptly followed by an agonizing groan. The insatiable nausea reared its ugly head once more and the clumpy chunks of her _fruit loop_ breakfast made their second appearance of the day. Derek's hand tied back her tresses, and his other hand stroked the lower quadrant of her back, brushing up and down her spine in a slow and soothing manner. Meredith had never been so ecstatic to be pampered other than a time such as this one. The thought of having to go through this vomit fest alone was enough to make her want to commit suicide. No one had done this for, not even _Finn._

It was an endless cycle needless to say; throw up, lay in Derek's arms, throw up, lay in Derek's arms. Meredith went on until there was nothing left in her system and she was heaving up the last remains of bile. She'd never been so sick in _her life_ or that she could recall.

"Do you want to move to your bed?" Derek retorted, helping Meredith off the tiled floor.

She used the back of her hand as a personal napkin to wipe her mouth and shook her head in response. "I need to brush my teeth and wash my face, I feel _grimy_." Meredith admitted softly. Her tone was hoarse, her throat felt like sandpaper and the Sahara desert combined together in some sort of magical blender of hate.

Derek nodded, planting a few kisses to her temple. "Take your time, I'll be across the hall unmaking the bed for you." He cooed, trotting out of the bathroom, allowing Meredith some well deserved privacy. The blonde splashed cool water to her face, moisturizing the crystal clear liquid into her dirty pores. Gazing into the mirror, Meredith saw something sickly and pale. Her skin was white as snow and the red rimming her resembled the color of fire truck.

What the hell could making her so _sick?_

* * *

Life. A four letter word which is by far one of the deadliest ideas out there. Ironic, right? There are plenty of things in life to fear, some have fears of spiders, others of heights. Some individuals fear failure or perhaps the dark. However, life as a whole is by far the scariest concept. Life isn't all bad though, it's a way of _living._ In life, people bring in new _life_ more so than not. Life is also another term to describe birth, giving life to someone new who hasn't had the chance to be corrupted by this big scary place known as planet earth. _Life._

Meredith was a doctor for crying out loud, she more than any other twenty-eight year old should know about _new life._ How _life_ is formed and _life_ comes to be. She could blame the entire afternoon of puking on her incompetence to piece the puzzle together or the fact she hadn't wanted to think of such a possibility becoming a reality. _Life_ is an unpredictable roller coaster constantly zipping up and down mounds with no remorse or warning. _Life_ doesn't come with an instruction manual. You have to learn on your own in order to push through.

She sits on the toilet this time around, however she's not so sure she's happier at that fact. Her toes curl against the icy ground and she wishes nothing more than to be curled up like a cat back in Derek's protective hold to keep her safe from the dangers of reality. Meredith finishes her business and makes sure to set the timer on her phone to exactly ten minutes. The sink gushes water into the basin, and her hands become victim of the cascading water. Meredith washes intricately, scrubbing in between every finger and nail bed her hands contained. The washing of her hands reminds Meredith of scrubbing in for surgery, although that process is slightly more complex than simply cleaning your hands after using the restroom.

Meredith dries her hands slowly, making sure there wasn't a single droplet of water left on her flesh. Satisfied, she toddles back to the bathroom counter, her backside leaning against the edge. She mentally counts down the seconds of her phones timer, knowing she more than likely didn't need to time it as she was doing so herself in her brain. However, Meredith's a perfectionist and aspires to be accurate with any task, no matter what it may be.

The iPhone buzzes with life and a tune exact to her ringtone blares through the bathroom. She quickly stops the timer, clicking her phone off. Perhaps doing this at three o'clock in the morning wasn't her brightest idea and maybe waiting for Derek would have been smarter, but she couldn't resist _not knowing_ any longer than she had to. The realization slapped her across the face only an hour ago, after snuggling under the sheets, spooning Derek contently.

The fatigue, nausea, loss of appetite, were all contributing factors of a virus or illness. It was easy to mistake especially while being an in denial person.

She was _late._ Like _really_ late as a matter of fact. It had slipped her mind, with the commotion of Mark Sloan popping in, The drama with Derek's ex-fiancée, bestowing her stormy past on Derek. She'd forgotten about her monthly cycle.

Meredith licked chapped lips, absentmindedly dusting her fingertips across her belly button. "Whatever happens, happens." She murmured to herself. She turned and picked up the white plastic stick, narrowing her eyes on the display.

 _P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T_

* * *

 **Authors note:**

 **I've left you all off with another jaw dropping bomb shell, ah! I know I know, you're all thinking, what the fuck is going on? But I promise I know what I'm doing!** _ **Mostly.**_

 **I wrote this whole thing in one day and I feel proud but also sad that It's only 4,000 words but I promised an update and I won't break another promise! I'm trying to update twice a week although it's complicated being so busy all the time and my inspiration spurs come so randomly. I do want to let you all know I will not be giving up on this story, even if at times it appears like I am, I'm not! Honestly this is the longest most detailed story I've ever written and I'm incredibly proud of it. I've come a long way since early 2014 when I began this writing stuff.**

 **So what are your thoughts? I know no porny MerDer but I hope the fluffy and protective Derek suffices for the time being. Comment your feelings I love feedback and reviews like those make my whole day. Vote and favorite or whatever you all do that would make me incredibly happy as well! I'm gonna try and publish again on Friday (don't hold me against that) but I'm gonna try I promise unless something comes up. I know I'm publishing this super late at night but I wanted to go ahead and publish rather than tomorrow.**

 **Thank you all so much for reading (and 3K views wOw!) I love you all so much!**


	13. Planets Aligned 13

_Chapter 13 | Planets Aligned_

Derek traces light shapes against the small of Meredith's back, attentively running the tips of each finger through the pair of dimples engraved between her spine. For a moment he comes to the realization of how petite her figure is; taking note of the way her spine pokes outward against her back. At times Derek feels as if he's toying with a delicate glass slipper, particularly the infamous one from Cinderella comes to mind, while caressing Meredith. She seems fragile enough that with one wrong move, he might snap her like a twig. He knows this to be true about her physical and _mental_ state. Derek couldn't lie, the truth bomb she'd set out on him was a tad of a shocker. Sure, he figured her past life had been tragic as she rarely mentioned it, _unlike himself_ , who was regularly babbling about his sisters, mother, or particularly any topic pre- New York. Coming clean over Addison wasn't intentional, he had Mark fucking Sloan to think for that one. Derek wasn't keen on visiting the past in that sense, he was reverent on life back in Maine when he was nothing more than a boy, but New York City made his insides turn and twist. His dark and twisty secrets weren't considerably as awful as Meredith's, but they were border lining at bay. Derek wasn't always _McDreamy_ more like _McDrunky_ or _McBroody_ depending on who someone was asking.

Derek flickered his eyelids closed, attempting to rid his brain of anymore thoughts revolving around _New York._ He exerted a long and strenuous breath, reverting his attention back over to the woman he loved. It was nearly seven forty-five in the evening, each of them miraculously having the day off. Meredith's funky stomach bug was still topsy-turvy, normally her episodes beginning in the morning, lasting through mid-day. _Poor thing_ he continuously thought, knowing how unbearable the vomiting must be for her. Today was better however, and Derek secretly thanked the heavens for that. It wasn't that he minded stroking Meredith's back and holding her hair up as she emptied the contents of her stomach, he'd climb Mount Everest for her if it meant she'd feel better. It was that he couldn't intake the retched stench of puke any longer, or the fact being Meredith hadn't been up for a single sexual activity since the night her primary stomach assault occurred.

The couple lazily made love for two or so hours that night, Meredith allowing Derek to take the lead as she recalled being 'utterly exhausted' despite the fact for the better half of their day off, she'd been resting. Derek blamed the vomiting on her sudden fatigue, mentally scowling at that damned virus for hurting his girlfriend. She was so little, _as mentioned earlier,_ there was no way her body could take anymore puking attacks. Nonetheless, the sex had been _good_ or _really good_ to Derek's surprise. He enjoyed the occasional 'cave man' brutality while carnally enduring himself to Meredith, but the intimate, slow, and gentle lovemakings were certainly the icing on top of his sultry cake. He relished engrossing himself to every piece of her bare skin. Derek loved rediscovering her body each and every time their partnership took that turn down the intimate lane.

Derek continued outlining lopsided circles and squares over Meredith's spine as she lay peacefully over her stomach. Her hair sprawled across the pillow her face was resting against. Meredith's equal breathing patterns indicated she'd been out like a light for a while now, staggering Derek as normally he'd been the one to fall asleep first. Though he didn't dare wake her, potentially all those restless nights at the hospital were catching up with her and he most definitely didn't want to be the one who disturbed that tranquil serenity.

She began stirring, he making sure to keep his hand splayed across her back to indicate his presence. Meredith gurgled a few unintelligent words, shifting her face to the side, gazing at him with hazy eyes. Derek couldn't help the growing smile forming on his face, she looked incredibly rested and by far the most beautiful thing in his orbit. He dusted the stringy blonde locks from Meredith's eyes, running his hand through her tresses.

"How long have I been sleeping?" Her voice hoarse and glazed with sleep. She blinked a few times and Derek supposed it was her way of bringing herself out of the current state of limbo her mind was in.

He continued his previous action of decorating her back with imaginary geometric figures. "Well I see Sleeping Beauty has awoken." He teased and he knew deep down Meredith found his cheesy comments such as those to be adorable. "As far as your unexpected nap went, you've been gone for a little over half an hour."

Meredith mumbled something, grunting as she flipped to her back. Her face clenched while stretching her arms above her head in an attempt to awaken her muscles. Derek felt slightly disappointed in the loss of contact, enjoying the lazy activity of rubbing her back.

"Why didn't you wake me?" She questioned softly, her voice still a little groggy.

"You just seemed to tired, I didn't want to take that away from you. Plus we'd both already _finished_ so I thought what was the point of continuing."

He hoped his answer wasn't the wrong one, as of late he'd been feeling as if every response he conveyed to Meredith was the wrong one. Her hormones sure were flying higher than normal. Though she didn't appear triggered, in fact she the expression she wore gave off a sated and happy vibe he'd been praying for. "Thank you." She quipped, crawling closer to Derek's skin. "I know I've been the biggest pain in the ass to deal with right now, so thank you for treating me kindly." It was a cold day in hell when Meredith Grey was apologizing. She was a stubborn mule to say the least and at times Derek felt at a complete loss when arguing with her.

She began lining gentle kisses across his jaw, running her slender fingers through his chest hair. Her thumb stopped at the tuft of hair forming under his navel, splayed against his belly. She'd mentioned a couple of times on how he made the whole 'chest hair' thing work, which by far was more than enough to boost his larger than life ego. "You taste good." Meredith mumbled, nipping and licking at his ear lobe. He'd been told by her numerous amounts of time that his aftershave and cologne was her favorite mixture of fragrances. He made sure to keep himself stocked of those two items.

"Hmm." Derek mused lightly, relaxing his body into the mattress. "Are we headed for a round two?" He whispered softly. He trickled his fingers through her honey-blonde hair, _oh how he loved her hair._ It smelt of lavender each and every time he took a faint whiff of her tresses. Her whole body normally captivated the heady scent of that particular flower and Derek loved it almost as much as he loved her. In the past, none of his prior girlfriends, or even _Addison_ his ex-fiancée had he taken such an intimate account of every aspect of them. Sure he was aware of their favorite _pleasure_ spots, knew their favorite color, food, television show, or any common trait the average friend would know about the other. In reality, Derek had never been so emotionally attached to another human being besides Meredith. He couldn't quite place his finger as to why he was so drawn. At times he felt like a lovesick seventeen year old, with scolding hot hormones that were practically bouncing off the goddamn walls. Maybe he relished her because she too had a broken past. Not that his was per-say childhood induced, _which most likely triggered Meredith's abandonment issues,_ but he too has fallen off his horse, for a _while._

Derek's mind blanked once she was up and straddling his lap. Her hair curtained their faces as her warm lips locked to his. He could kiss her all day and never grow tired of the familiarity. _He could never grow tired of_ _ **her**_. "I love you." Derek convulsed between ravenous kisses. They become one momentarily, their worlds colliding in a swirl of lust and love. At that moment, world peace was set in stone, there was no man or woman living in poverty, global warming was out of the question, the sun was shining brighter, the stars were twinkling ferociously, the world could breathe a little clearer, live a little louder. The planets were perfectly aligned and not a single thing in the entire universe was wrong. Connecting with Meredith brought Derek each and every one of those things combined in a blender. Nothing on planet earth was more euphoric than joining with the woman he loved. It was times such as these his future was bright and clear, Meredith a prominent piece of that future.

He could bask in this overwhelming amount of love forever, and be content for the rest of his life without another wish.

* * *

 _Muesli._ Meredith Grey was craving _muesli._ Derek found the sudden craving odd, scratch that, totally bonkers at minimum. She **hated** muesli, much like the way she disliked most of his healthy and organic food he enjoyed devouring. In fact, Meredith went as far as conveying a thirty minute lecture on how she'd never understand why he enjoyed the so called _shit_ he indulged.

However Meredith sat at the island, clad in his Bowdoin t-shirt ( _with_ _ **nothing**_ _underneath),_ imploring for a big bowl of muesli. Derek knew she was most likely starving after another, _and another,_ round of mind blowing, earth quaking, sex. He'd offered to make her a real dinner as her current diet consisted of nothing more than pizza and various take-out menus. She obliged quickly, stating she was so hungry she might actually _die._ That comment brought Derek humor. The muesli threw him for a loop to say the least, but he was compliant to his girlfriends request.

Derek scavenged for the cardboard box containing his absolute favorite cereal. Meredith complied with him and allowed Derek to keep his breakfast in his own, secluded 'healthy food' cabinet. When eyeing his target, he poured a generous amount of cereal into a glass bowl, making sure to chop up a few strawberries to add to the mix, _Meredith loved strawberries._ He glanced over at her through the corner of his eye, watching her toy with each of her fingers in what seemed like an attempt to distract herself. He could admit she seemed _off_ lately, besides the over whelming amount of nausea she'd been experiencing.

"One bowl of muesli for my lady in waiting." He preened like a peacock, the bowl clacking against the granite countertop. Derek planted a gentle kiss to the top of Meredith's tussled tresses, allowing his mouth to linger for a few moments, enjoying the intimacy of the moment. "What made you suddenly desire muesli?" His fingers began trailing through her hair lightly as his question freshly pondered through the air.

Meredith tensed under his hold and suddenly he felt oddly uncomfortable. It was at that moment he wasn't sure whether her answer would be a lie or the truth. Regularly Meredith's figure tightening wasn't a good sign, in fact the last time she'd done that she dropped a 'I was almost murdered by my first love and became a cocaine addict!' bomb shell all over him.

"I don't know." She sighed. Her head nuzzled against his bare flesh, almost as if she was signaling to him that she didn't want him to leave her side. "I can't really keep anything down I actually want to eat, so I thought maybe your healthy crap could help me out." The dissonance drifted as Meredith glanced upward, a cocky smirk gracing across her cheeks.

Derek chuckled, grabbing Meredith's steel spoon to devour his own clump of muesli. She didn't seem to mind as he 'stole' her _dinner._ "I'm sorry about that." He countered, swallowing a spoonful of cereal. "I know how awful it must be for you." Derek feasted on another helping of his favorite breakfast food, while his molars chomped evenly on the crunchy indulgence. He mentioned she potentially have an annual check up on the hospital, in order to diagnose whatever the hell she has. Meredith declined each time he offered, brushing the topic off with an, 'I'm fine, it's probably just a bug.' He never pushed the conversation any farther than that, it _was_ her body and she had the right to do whatever she pleased with it. Though Derek couldn't help wanting to swoop in and be her 'knight in shining whatever.' As her boyfriend it was a rule to keep her protected from anything according to the imaginary handbook of relationships.

"I can barely operate," Meredith interrupts his pondering thoughts with the comment, her eyes glancing over at him with despair decorating her irises. "The sterile smell in there makes me queasy, sometimes I have to excuse myself." She continued lowly. Meredith's elbow rest against the counter and her chin settled comfortably in the palm of her hand. Derek noticed how distracted she appeared to be, which was by far almost as unsettling as it sounded. Something was most definitely clutching her attention.

"I'm sorry." Derek wasn't sure why he continued apologizing. It wasn't like he had anything to do with the fact she was sick. Yet it was the only thing he could think to offer her in that time. Almost like apologizing for a crime he hadn't committed.

The kitchen was silent, Meredith didn't counter on his apology nor did she flinch a muscle. He took note of her bowl completely empty and his lip twitched upward in an attempt to smile at the mini accomplishment. "Can I get you anything?" He wanted to be helpful, although Meredith was stubborn and would lie straight through her teeth, insisting she didn't need a thing. Derek assumed the independent thing was another trait she'd developed due to her traumatic childhood. He didn't know much other than the fact her father left her at a young age and that her mother was Ellis Grey, who most likely abandoned her half of the time to perform a surgery or uncover ground breaking information. "Please be honest with me." He added.

"I want a car wreck."

Derek nearly choked, "A car wreck?"

It was as if she could spot the confusion in his eyes immediately. "That sounds bad, I'm sorry." She giggles and Derek swears on his fathers grave it's the most perfect sound that has ever rang upon his eardrums.

"Well a car wreck does sound like a twisted and evil wish, dontcha' think?" Derek cocked a brow upward, his front tooth tugging at the pink of his lip lightly. He gazed attentively at the woman sitting parallel to him, her eyes rolling and her palm coming in contact with the naked skin of his shoulder blade. She playfully spanks the dip in his collarbone in an attempt to what seemed to be 'punishing him' in some sort of light manner.

"I mean I want a surgery. A _long_ and _hard_ one. I haven't been able to step foot in an O.R for more than an hour ever since I threw up last Thursday. It's painful to be in such a predicament that doesn't allow me to do what I love." The sparkle in her eyes that's normally lingering disappears and a dull and frowny one replaces it.

Derek curls his fingers around her small shoulder, squeezing effectively. "Hey that's not true, you were just fine an hour ago when you were _doing_ me." That gets him another slap and this time her tiny ineffectual fists bite back harder than five minutes prior. He pretends she's hurt him and expels a low, _"Oww."_

"This isn't a joke Derek!" She chuckles at first but the laughter dies almost too quickly for his liking.

The playful demeanor dissolves into another life, leaving them both with a hostile tension. "Why don't you just go to the hospital and let someone look at you? They could give you an antibiotic and it could help you. Not treating it is only going to make you feel worse." He's hovering. He _knows_ he's hovering. Goddamnit he's a fucking helicopter parading around Meredith's head. But he can't help himself. The protective side of him is so dominant over the itty bitty side that says to **stop hovering**. Keeping Meredith safe is a drug he can't get off, _no pun intended by that,_ and even though he tries restraining himself from taking said drug, he can't. He's snorting 'Protect Meredith' up his nose all day, everyday.

"I don't need an antibiotic." She replied softly, her fingers tracing unobtainable scribbles against the countertop. "It wouldn't help me."

"Come on Meredith, just-"

"I said no!" Anger flared in a ball of fire in the center of her irises.

Pressing the issue anymore would only heat the dispute and Derek knew that well. But he couldn't help the overpowering will to continue. "You're not going to get better! This isn't some normal bug or virus Meredith, this is something serious. You've been throwing up so much I wasn't sure how on earth you could still be standing! This is serious Mere and I know you hate it when I'm tracking you but it's important that I do!"

If he thought she was sneering earlier, Meredith was practically raging with daggers for fists at this point. "I don't need you to fucking track me Derek! See this is our goddamn problem, we move on from a fight and get into a good place and suddenly we're back where we were fighting over the same stupid topic! Grow some balls and let me take care of myself." Now he's the one burning a fire in his core. Why can't she except his help? There's nothing wrong with letting someone in and accepting their pleads. He knows she has trust issues, abandonment issues, and commitment issues _for sure_ , but isn't enough, enough?

"What's the big deal Meredith? Me protecting you doesn't make you _weak_ if that's what you're scared of. It makes a human to ask for a little assistance every once in a while, you're so closed off."

"I am **not** closed off." She fires, now she's standing and their eyes are locking in a dangerous stare down, the question as to who would break first was still up in the air.

Derek can feel his blood coiling. He knows that vein in his forehead is popping out in anger. He feels just as he has the day his fist _bitch slapped_ Mark's cheek. But he wouldn't hit her. Even though he was raving with anger and fury, he wouldn't physically harm her, **ever**. "Yes you are Meredith, you're so closed off. I know nothing about your childhood. You give me some bizarre story about how some guy tried shooting you and then you become a hardcore partier. That's not a background Meredith! I've been dating you for six months and I feel like I barely know you. I'm walking on eggshells every time I step foot near you, how do expect me _not_ to watch over you like a hawk?!"

"Get out." She simply states.

"Meredith-"

The fury decorating her eyes moments ago grows into a monster of rage and hatred, a hint of sadness lingering. He used to say her eyes were the gates to her soul, Derek could read whatever she was feeling just by gazing into her emerald irises. Her eyes read nothing more than _hurt_ and _hatred._ "I said get the hell out of my goddamn house! I knew you were treating me differently because of what I told you. You don't respect me Derek Christopher Shepherd, you're an asshole who's just like the rest of them. Get the hell out and go back to your trailer, I don't care!"

She elbows him in the side although he doesn't feel it. He doesn't feel anything. Derek feels numbness. Nothing. Had he just been dumped? Before expressing anything else he might regret, Derek grabs his cross trainers and long sleeved cotton t-shirt resting on the couch where he'd pulled them off from their love escapade earlier. He shuts the door and stumbles down the steps, his head a cloud of confusion.

* * *

Derek knew people were watching, hell if he were in their shoes, he'd be watching too. It hadn't occurred to Derek strutting the streets of Meredith's neighborhood, clad in nothing more than a pair of _Polo_ boxers, cross trainers, and a zipped up windbreaker. It was nearly eight forty-five at night, and Derek scowled at the people walking their dogs this late. Didn't they have anything better to do than stare at the half naked man sulking down the concrete pavement? Of course not. Because it's naturally a human aspect of life to gawk at uncommon abnormalities. He paced up the walkway, hands tucked safely into the pockets of his jacket as his mind swam with thoughts.

Derek didn't know where exactly he was headed, he'd left his car keys, clothing, and wallet back at Meredith's house. He drained at the memory of the two of them making love just a few hours ago, everything had been so easy then. He'd sell his soul just to be back in bed, tracing circles across Meredith's freckled covered back. Derek considered walking to the hospital, it wouldn't be that far of a walk but he stopped himself, realizing the gossip mill would alert every staff member that Derek Shepherd was entering Seattle Grace in boxer briefs.

Before Meredith, Derek lived a simplistic life. He was content down in his trailer on that big patch of land, occasionally fishing or relaxing on the deck he'd built for himself when moving down to Seattle over a year ago. Maybe if he hadn't been such an antisocial coward, he would have never slept with Meredith that first time in the on-call room, then he would have never fallen in love with her. He halted his thoughts immediately; Derek didn't regret falling in love with her one iota. Sure, Meredith was definitely a scalpel crammed into his spine, but he loved her. Relationships would grow boring if the couple always agreed on everything. Plus there wouldn't be the whole hot and steamy angry sex thing you see in the movies and tv shows, which was shown to be true in real life as well. He felt like a jackass for babying Meredith. Why couldn't he just understand she was an independent person who enjoyed the space?

Derek glanced down at his watch, realizing he'd been walking for a little over half an hour. He couldn't abandon Meredith at the house alone like that, even if she'd pleaded he leave and never return. That was the anger and disparity talking for her, stealing her thoughts and words away like a thief in the night. Derek knew that deep down, she missed him. It was the way Meredith's brain worked. That rock solid exterior was a facade and she played the part particularly well, but inside she was mush. Maybe Derek could let go of the fact he didn't know much about her childhood, or a lot of the intimate details of her personal life. He relied on the fact they'd achieve that goal down the line. He'd rather be in the unknown with her and together, rather than in the know and apart. He refused to let Meredith go and it was the one time he needed to go against her wishes.

He shuffled up the street, feeling grateful the cluster of individuals had mostly disappeared and turned in for the night. Derek exerted a shaky breath, fearful Meredith may actually attack him with a machete once he reentered her household. It was a risk he was willing to take for her, for their relationship. If this had been him back in New York with Addison, he would've fled and never looked back. Technically he'd done that exact thing, except she'd been sleeping with his best friend. Derek chose to suppress those still angry feelings toward the two of them, pushing them to the back of his mind in order to talk with the woman he loved.

Upon opening the door the house was silent. Almost _too_ silent. His heart squeezed, his mind was swimming, his head felt full. Had Meredith's purple Jeep been in the driveway? He couldn't recall. He contemplated going back outside to check but he tried reassuring himself she was still in the house.

"Meredith." He called gently, not wanting to startle her in such a fragile position. He checked the kitchen quickly, no sign of Meredith. For some reason he figured she'd be tucked away in the laundry room, _she wasn't,_ or perhaps hiding in a cabinet. For a neurosurgeon he didn't have the brightest notions but it was just his overbearing will to check everywhere, plus the OCD he held within and the thought of not knowing made his skin crawl. "Mere, it's me Derek." What the hell was he thinking? Of course Meredith wasn't going to answer his shouts. She was probably giving him the silent treatment and he couldn't blame her a single bit.

Before venturing up the staircase, Derek grabbed his jeans sprawled over he love seat in Meredith's den. He pulled them up his waist and grabbed the blue button down crumpled on the carpet. "Meredith, come on where are you?" Derek hurried to the second floor, his eyes diverting to the semi cracked master bedroom door.

"Mere?" He knocked softly, making sure to alert her he was there. His eyes fell on the hunched over woman, her hair blanketing her face. The only light illuminating the space was the bathroom light exerting its rays into Meredith's bedroom.

"Lavender." She spoke softly.

Derek ran a hand through his tussled tresses, tugging on the ravenous Maine. "What?" His brain was too fatigued to try and figure out what the hell she was talking about.

"You said you wanted to know the intimate details about my life. So I'm giving them to you."

"Meredith..." he trailed off as she rose from the bed, noticing the mattress spring back to its original form.

"Don't talk, okay?" Derek nodded and his expression softened as his eyes melted against hers. She was _flawless_ in any setting. He found himself falling for her all over again each and every time he glanced at her. She was an exquisite creature and the most captivating woman he'd ever encountered with. If it brought Meredith happiness, he would never speak a single word ever again and he would be happy with that. He would be happy, seeing her happy.

"I like lavender, well no I love lavender, the flower and the color. Tequila is my poison, it makes me happy when everything else in the world is wrong, tequila isn't. I was originally going to be a neurosurgeon, I had my heart set on the brain up until I switched midway through my fifth year of residency. I thought being a general surgeon would make me like my mother and I never wanted to be her, ever. For the majority of my high school years, my hair was hot pink and I wore really dark eyeliner because I felt it was easier to grab my mother attention if I disobeyed her. I lost my virginity my sophomore year of high school at the homecoming dance. I woke up with a used condom to my thigh and I was horrified." She breaks and chuckles lightly, brushing a few strands of hair from her eyes. "Let's see, I. Graduated med school early. Although during my party years of college I took a semester off and travelled Europe with my ex best friend Sadie. I was actually dating her for a little bit because I was _bicurious_ but after having sex with her I shut it down." Derek opens his mouth to speak, feeling overwhelmed by the fact Meredith had been a lesbian for a short term of life, but she stops him before he could convey.

"Don't comment on that." She quips. "I love _Star Wars_ which makes me a total nerd but I can't help but liking it. I lived in Boston the majority of my life before coming back down to Seattle to work at Seattle Grace. I was the outcast no one wanted to hang out with and it's probably the reason I have social dysfunctions. I shut people out and I don't let them in because I'm scared they'll hurt me more than I already am. But I realized being alone is so much worse than having people. You need people in life to keep you going. Even if those people should go to hell, they're still _people._ People are better than no people. _You_ Derek are my people, my _person._ I don't want the one good thing I have in life to go away because I'm a freak with so many problems. I need you now more than I ever thought I would. So please, be here with me Derek. Please."

Hell was freezing over at this point. Meredith broke first, Derek hadn't expected it. "I'm right here Meredith," he trotted closer to the woman he loved, cupping her cheeks with his hands, brushing her skin with the tips of his thumbs. "I'm not going anywhere." His fingers trailed to the tresses sprouting from Meredith's scalp, trailing his hands through like a comb. Their foreheads touched, their noses brushes against one another's. If it were raining in Meredith's bedroom Derek thinks this perfect scene may actually be one like in the movies. He aches to kiss her, to seal his love to her in a promise that he wasn't leaving her no matter what. He fulfills his promise slowly, locking their lips together for a soft and intimate kiss. There is no tongue involved, but it the fiery connection is still there. They keep the semi-passionate kisses going, nipping at one another's lips. Derek's hands trail up the shirt Meredith's still wearing, craving to take her on the bed over there. He desires nothing more than to make love to her slowly and intimately. Derek aches to express his love.

When he's towering over her body on the mattress, Derek notices her expression represents a timid one. As if this is there first time having a sexual encounter and she's uncertain of what to do next. He leans down to kiss her swollen lips tenderly, lifting the college t-shirt covering her luscious body. Meredith circles her legs around his hips and he joins her to form them as one. They're both one soul at that moment and nothing is more beautiful than that current thought. Derek stays put inside Meredith, not moving a single inch. It isn't about the orgasmic high this time and he figures that's the reason this whole act of love is so foreign to them both. Derek rubs his nose against Meredith's, his fingers brushing over her rosy nipples, locking in another kiss.

He still doesn't move and that's perfectly okay with him. He enjoys feeling every cell present within Meredith at that moment and nothing could top the euphoric high he was riding.

Their love making lasts long and intricately, making sure to relish and devour each other. They lie entwined on Meredith's bed, limbs tangled together, their bodies calming the perspiring. Derek caresses Meredith against him, weaving his fingers in with hers. He places a kiss to her forehead, lips lingering.

"I have to tell you something." Meredith croaks, her voice dry and cackled. She hadn't been screaming Derek's name that night, but he doesn't press on the potential fact she may be coming down with a cold on top of her stomach virus. His fingers stroke the back of her head attentively.

"What is it?" He isn't paying much attention as to what Meredith's doing. Derek's diverted his gaze to the window, gazing at the moonlight radiating the bedroom. He feels his hand splayed across Meredith's belly, he absentmindedly strokes her skin with the pad of his thumb.

"Derek." Meredith's whispers. Her voice captures his attention back down on her and he's all ears. She presses her hand over the one sprawled across her belly. "Please don't run." Tears fall from her cheeks and her body quivers at the sudden rush of emotion.

Derek is quick to caress her body against his, whispering soothing and attentive words against her ear lobe. "I told you, I'm right here Meredith, don't worry."

He notices Meredith's firm hold on his hand, still laying across her abdomen. Whatever was going on in that pretty little head of hers was a tsunami of emotions, but he was prepared for the incoming storm.

"I'm pregnant, with your baby Derek. I'm pregnant."

All of a sudden Derek's planets weren't aligning.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

 **I hope you all brought your tissues for this roller coaster of a chapter. I feel like I keep throwing in bomb shells just to throw you guys through the ringer (; but nonetheless I for one thought the chapter was a lot better than my last aH. I was excited that I finally got to write one with Derek's POV the full chapter as well!**

 **I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've decided to return this story back to T instead of M (for my readers) yes I have a few sex scenes in this book but they aren't very heavy and I honestly just don't have the time to be writing full fledged MerDer porn ): however, that doesn't mean there won't be the occasional porny goodness because what's MerDer without sex? I'll be sure to make a note at the beginning of the chapter is something semi smutty is written in the chapter so if you choose to you may skip it.**

 **Someone said they thought it was a tad too soon for Meredith to be pregnant and I completely see why you're saying that! I promise I will write this story as realistically as possible and approach the topic the best way I know how. The basic moral of this entire novel is that things don't go as planned; you don't meet the love of your life in the seventh grade, date for the rest of your lives, get married, and have kids and live a happy perfect life. It's just not like that in reality and life is constantly throwing us curve balls.**

 **Please give your opinions on what you thought of this chapter! I worked on it all day and I was surprisingly happy with the results. Tell me your favorite portion of the chapter or what I can improve on or just tell me if you enjoyed or not. I'm all for constructive criticism, I know my writing isn't perfect no matter how hard I try and perfect it. If you have any questions just private message me! Thank you all so much for reading I feel grateful I've gotten this story thus far. Love you guys!**


	14. Show Your Love 14

_Chapter 14 | Show Your Love_

The typical person assumes surgeons or any physician for that matter are immune to the irrational fear of visiting a doctors office. They believe that being a doctor themselves prevents them from getting jittery and overwhelmed while visiting a hospital or practice for their own appointment. This deems to be true in most cases, why should doctors be frightened by doctors? It's ironically silly and downright immature to an extent, but Meredith Grey fell as the exception to that prominent belief. Her head lie between each of her knees, fingers grinding through her _now_ tussled tresses as she impatiently _and nervously_ waited for her name to be called out by the plump woman sitting at reception. She scowled gynecology appointments, feeling violated and inexplicably uncomfortable, but never fearful. Today she was in peril, her stomach doing somersaults with a side of belly-flop. The current nausea Meredith was experiencing was a contributor to the nervousness. Hunched over a plastic chair in a waiting room alone was just the cherry on top of her horror induced Sundae.

 _Derek was staring. Correction, Derek was gaping. If it hadn't been for Meredith's head tucked beneath his chin, she assumed his jaw would be at the floor by now. She expected the initial shock, the gawking, the swarm of thoughts racing around his brain. Meredith had experienced it all just moments after that damn plastic stick determined her faith. A few years earlier, during a scheduled gynecology appointment, her physician conveyed Meredith would be unable to conceive children regularly. Although it wasn't_ _ **impossible**_ _for her to grow a tiny human in her uterus, it would be a challenge to become pregnant. At the time, Meredith hadn't even wanted children. She was married to her job and there was no room for a man in her life, much less children for that matter. As to how Derek managed to impregnate Meredith, was still a mystery to her. Perhaps he has 'Super Sperm' specifically made just for her unstable eggs._

 _Meredith felt guilt plucking at her heart strings, it had been a week since she'd peed over the pregnancy test and five since she'd drawn her blood at the hospital under a 'Jane Doe' to confirm the results. Those few days prior, she hadn't known what she wanted to do with the baby. Abortion was at the top of her list, as sickening as it sounded to murder Derek's child without his knowledge of the fetus ever even being alive, she couldn't coherently comprehend keeping the baby. Knowing Derek like the back of her hand, he'd grow attracted and want the baby. Or choose door number two and flee, leaving her secluded to raise a child on her own._

 _"Derek..." Meredith bellowed in a squeaky, uncharacteristic manner. The tips of her fingers trailing over the veins in his forearm. She was nauseated while waiting for a response and for the first time she wasn't going to hurl due to her pregnancy, but for the creeping fear he may potentially leave her in that moment. Her thumb kneaded against ball in wrist, her fingers curling around the palm of his hand. Meredith wishes she could read minds. Perhaps it would be easier to understand one another if she knew what was swimming in his brain without he having to convey actual words. Maybe it would be easier that way for_ _ **everyone**_ _in much similar situations. "Say something." Her lip quivers uncontrollably and she feels tears begin to prick at the corner of her eye._

 _Derek's Adam's apple bobs up and down rhythmically, appearing as if he were swallowing something. Potentially the vomit he was holding back, Meredith assumed. She was definitely swallowing some chunks after becoming aware of her current state. "I... I..." Meredith listens with content. She's never heard him stutter before, Derek always knows what to say even when she herself is lost for words; he fills in the blanks for her anyway. In an interesting role reversal, she's clustering his gaps for a change._

 _"I know this is a lot," her forehead nuzzles against his collarbone in an attempt to feel some kind of comfort. "It was a lot for me, it_ _ **still is**_ _a_ _ **lot**_ _for me. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I was freaking out and I prayed that maybe it was just a false positive. But it wasn't, I drew my blood at the hospital earlier this week and I-"_

 _"You've known?" Derek catches her off guard for a moment and she has to relapse back to some section of babble to answer his question. Maybe he notices the small crinkle between her brow or the confusion in her eyes. He'd mentioned something a while back about her irises being the 'gates to her soul' and at the time she ignored his observation, concluding he was a lunatic if he continued believing in that logic. Now though, her insides grow mushy knowing that takes notice of those things about her. "About the baby. You've known for a week?" His tone is a complex one, he isn't angry but also isn't bursting with joy either. She can't read him this time and that frustrates Meredith more than anything. It was at that very moment she needed to be able to know what was racing through his mind but she couldn't. He was indecipherable._

 _Meredith's tongue glides over the bottom of her semi chapped lip, chaffed lips made her skin crawl and even if a known fact of licking your lips made it worse, Meredith pretended her way of moistening her mouth was successful. "Yeah," she breathed out as if she'd been underwater for a couple of minutes before dispersing for fresh air, only to be pulled down by the rippled waves once again. "I've known."_

 _Derek rolls to his back, limbs sprawled across the rumpled sheets and pillows. The glimmer of moonlight shimmering through the blinds allows Meredith to gaze at Derek's face, which was as of that moment fixated on her ceiling fan. The loss of contact sent chills trailing down Meredith's naked spine. She felt exposed all of a sudden, the nakedness around her boyfriend only brought Meredith discomfort. She snatches the loose cotton beige sheet from the hardwood floor, swaddling herself in the fabric to disguise her bare flesh. Derek doesn't speak another word to her and the silence is a much clearer and louder response to her revaluation._

 _"Derek." Meredith whispers his name like it's the only word in her vocabulary. A desperate and tiresome call. She's stuck for words and as mentioned before he can't fill in her blanks with his own chatty mouth. "Please." She croaks with vulnerability glazing the plead._

 _"I need to clear my head." The bed springs groan as his weight shifts to the end of the mattress. His silhouette outlined perfectly as the moon beams a ray of light. "I just," he pauses and he sounds frustrated. "I need to think I can't do this right now with you." Her heart fell to the acidic acid of her stomach. He was_ _ **leaving**_ _when he_ _ **promised**_ _not to. Repetitively uttering those four words against her ear drum all night like a mantra. He was backing out on his word and as of now she'd never felt more alone in her entire life._

 _In a sick and twisted way, the scene replicated their first sleepover perfectly, an angry, confused Derek leaving as Meredith lay naked and vulnerable between the sheets. She ached to whimper his name, yank on his leg like some five year old on the first day of kindergarten, refusing to let go of their fathers leg. Although that hadn't been the case for her, she could compare it to her current dilemma. If he desired to leave her then so be it._

 _Derek was clad in his blue t-shirt the one Meredith swore by was the softest piece of fabric her finger tips had ever graced, light washed jeans which hugged his hips perfectly, and black cross trainers making a bee line for the threshold. "I just need some time to think, Mere." His voice cool and calming to the ear. Without a doubt Meredith's dissonance structure softened at his tone. "Please, give me time." She blinked and suddenly he vanished. Like a dream she hadn't wanted to wake up from._

Meredith sent four different text messages to him within the last three days. All of them reminding Derek her OBGYN appointment was Monday at nine forty-five if he wished to attend. She _wanted_ him to be there; to hold her hand, brush her tresses back, whisper those reassuring words into her ear. However, after the fourth plead she was feeling like a desperate housewife, oblivious to the fact her husband was most likely cheating on her in the wee hours of the night. Meredith Grey needed no man to keep her up and running. Father of the baby forming in her uterus or not, she needed no one.

She scheduled her appointment at Seattle Presbyterian, just for caution. Meredith was already known as the secretive whore screwing Derek Shepherd in on-call rooms, she surely didn't aspire to uphold a new persona as the slut who got impregnated by a man who left her. Considering _options_ were available to Meredith, she'd decide on what she wanted to do with the fetus in a matter of time. Until then Meredith wanted to keep this pregnancy as secret as possible.

Absentmindedly, Meredith glanced backward at the door, a small glimmer of hope it would be Derek crossing that threshold. Unfortunately, he hadn't and most likely wasn't going to show. She twiddled her thumbs nervously, the skin around her fingers had already become victim to the clawing of her finger nails attempting to rid the anxiety causing her heart to thump a thousand beats quicker. The dark headed receptionist convulsed her name monotoned and butterflies fluttered inside her belly. Midway through attempting to stand, Meredith's eyes glimpsed at the clot of pregnant women scattered through the waiting area. Most of them came in pairs, husbands, boyfriends, some in _threes._ A few were settled contently by themselves but the twenty-four carrot diamond rings encircled around their ring finger indicated they weren't alone when walking out of here. The sight only furthered Meredith's nausea, _oh what she'd do for a bucket right now._ She mentally prepared herself for the pity engrossed glances from her obstetrician, alone at her first appointment would only indicate this pregnancy wasn't planned and that the father of the fetus was most likely halfway to freaking Narnia at this point.

The preening blonde nurse fixated by the door made Meredith's stomach roil. Her pearly whites on display for the entire waiting room and her aluminate blonde tresses blinding to the eye. How could someone be _so_ happy? Even if the woman's smile was fake, the simple notion of anyone exuberayting so much glimmer and gleam was blood coiling at best. Perhaps snatching a scalpel before escaping to this appointment would have been a smarter move, that way she could jab the pointy edge into anyone that rubbed her the wrong way. Although the sharpest thing in her purse was her car keys.

A gust of frigid and damp air drifting through the vicinity. Door hinges squawked in distress, sloppy footprints murmuring against the floor boards. Meredith craned her neck backward, curiosity spilling from her pores. Her mind was mechanically triggered to look back and gaze at whoever decided that this day was the most perfect for an OB checkup. Her heart clenched as a breath of air caught between esophagus. _Derek._ Derek Shepherd showed. Subconsciously, she knew the overbearing nurse was reciting her name in an attempt to reel her back into the office like some pesky fish on a line who refused to escape their aquatic home. None of that mattered though, Derek, her soulmate, her person, her best friend, the love of her life, was standing parallel to her. Tears threatened to spill and she blamed the fetus hormones on her _almost_ emotional excursion.

She gazed him up and down, her eyes peeling his layers off one by one as if he were a ripe and ready orange, putty in her hand. "Derek." Her primary divulgence sifted as a statement rather than a question. The entire scene replicated a movie scene, the lead role departing on some sort of voyage and her lover coming to stop her plans to disperse. Meredith carefully inched closer, the nurses bellows tuned out by her eardrums at that point. A grin threatened to show, despite her best efforts to keep an emotionless facade. In reality she wasn't willing to give him the cold shoulder. Meredith needed Derek now more than she could ever think of before. Brushing him off her shoulder like an old dusty piece of lint wasn't going to make her problems easier. In fact her life would most likely digress to an even bumpier road with no maps to keep her steered in the proper direction. Derek kept Meredith afloat whether she was willing to admit it or not.

"I'm sorry," he blurts, his fingers gripping her forearms. Derek's thumbs stroke the cotton fabric of her sweater, rhythmically soothing her nerves as the pads of his digit moved in light circular motions. A damp curl falls across his forehead and Meredith can assume it began raining outside. A fresh layer of dew eclipses his flesh along side his clothing and shoes. "I meant to be here earlier I promise. I was pulled back into an emergency surgery and the chief refused to let me leave. I was worried sick the entire time, wondering whether or not you were alone in there." Meredith picks up on his hoarse vocal recite, she questions whether or not he may be coming down with something. "I'm sorry." Derek repeats, pressing his lips to her temple. The gesture is calming, like listening to the rhythmic tune of crashing waves.

Meredith's arms envelope around his neck, her tippy-toes keeping her steadied. She prays the gesture reciprocates her message coherently, that she's sorry too, for bombarding such life changing news on him with little to no warning. His arms encircling her waist for what she hopes is a reassurance, soothes her frazzled and frayed nerves to an extent. "Are you ready?" Meredith's breath pulsates across the skin of Derek's neck. He smells of aftershave and pine and the scent tickles her nostrils in familiarity. _Home._

"Let's go see _our_ baby." Derek responds for her ears only. She loosens her hold of his neck, reeling her arms and hands back to her sides as they trot to the door, to Meredith's surprise, the nurse is still patiently waiting by. Meredith tries showing an apologetic expression, though she doesn't care whether or not the perky blonde is accepting of her gesture.

* * *

"Alright Ms. Grey, your weight and blood pressure seem to be just fine, although when taking your temperature I was slightly concerned to find you're running a low-grade fever of a 100.3 degrees. I'll let Dr. Kennedy decide what path she wants to take you down for that, but I'd recommend some rest and downtime for a bit." The perky blonde conveyed carefully, who Meredith just moments earlier learned was named Amanda.

"It's _Doctor_ not _Miss_ and I know how to take care of a fever, Amanda. I'm a surgeon." Deep down Meredith knows her response was unprofessional on her behalf, though she can't help but feel the need to correct Amanda.

She clasps a pen to the clipboard, firmly clenched between her fingers. "Yes, sorry Dr. Grey. It's just protocol that I run through these steps with you, physician or not it's important I deliver whatever news I have for you and your _baby's_ health." Amanda radiates annoyance at this point and Meredith thinks if she were a little less hormonal and a tad more humane she would have apologized for being such a pain in the ass. "Dr. Kennedy will meet with you both momentarily. In the mean time she requests you strip everything off from the waist down." The nurse disappeared rather quickly, leaving both Meredith and Derek alone for the first time since the beginning of this rollercoaster of a trip.

Meredith grips the heel of her shoe, pushing off her black converse slowly. The dissonance wafting is awkward and she wishes nothing more than to break the ice to sail past this languishing moment. "I didn't think you were going to show." Meredith admits, snapping the bronze button located at the front of her jeans. Her eyes glance upward, her heart palpitates at the weary expression he's currently wearing. She knows he feels remorse for creating such an awkward environment for them both. She _herself_ feels partly responsible for the jumbled mess or issues stuffed between them. She knows in order to divert back to their primary relationship, they're in desperate need of sorting through the mile high stack of laundry they've created for one another. "I mean, I wouldn't have shown if I were in your shoes either."

"I'm always going to show." There is no hesitation in his response. In fact, it was by far the most confident exertion he'd reciprocated the entire time there. Her heart swells with that thought set in stone and it reminds Meredith as to why she fell in love with him. "When things get hard I escape. I get drunk and loud, I'm not proud of it but it's who I am. I don't want to be that person for you Mere, you are everything. I realized this isn't just about us anymore, it's about the child we made together currently growing in your stomach. I love you Meredith Grey, and I want to be by your side no matter what."

Meredith's hand absentmindedly caresses the lower half of her abdomen, carelessly resting against her navel. Her thumb strokes across the clothing clad belly, her eyes locking to his. "I don't blame you though. I mean we get into this huge argument, I tell you all this stupid and personal shit about me, we have sex, and I drop this bomb on you, expecting everything to be okay."

Derek disconnects the longing gaze they shared moments earlier, his orbs a whirlwind of fear, tiny specks of care and affirmation coinciding, in which Meredith assumed is for her benefit. "I belittled you Meredith. I made you feel as if I saw nothing more than drug abuser who needed help. You had a right to be upset. Those personal details you shared with me weren't stupid, they were intimate and I cherish them deeply. I felt euphoric knowing you'd been willing to express the private details of your past with me, that makes me want to jump over the moon." Meredith's cheeks rise in warmth and she knows it isn't from the low-grade fever she's carrying. "I _made love_ to you as a matter of fact, it was something we needed to affirm that no matter how big our fights are we pull through. And when you told me you were pregnant, I could hear the fear in your tone. I knew you were frightened out of your mind and I had no right to leave you high and dry. Let _me_ take the blame for this Meredith. Please."

Tears well at Meredith's waterline, her rims red and swelled by bustling emotion. She believes Derek might actually be a human poem, due to the fact almost everything he conveys spills so rhythmically. So _perfect._ She could listen to him speak for the rest of her life and be content. She _was_ content. "Okay." She's fatigued and isn't in the mood to further the argument. Perhaps allowing him to win this round of 'battling it out with Meredith Grey' is a step in the right direction.

Derek shuffles closer, his fingers dusting across the flesh of her cheek. His lips brush against hers. Meredith aches for his touch, his lips molding with her own. She desires to witness their perfect melody of sounds that radiate from an intense lip lock. Her tongue craves his and she wishes to dance the tango alongside his own. Derek grants Meredith's most secret desires and she feels elated at the firm hold his lips have on hers. She makes love to his mouth carefully and intricately, the sudden intimate touch ignites the beast beneath her waist line. If they'd been anywhere else other than the gynecology room, she would've taken him right then and there.

"Take off your pants." He mumbles across her panting lips. Meredith is hazy and her brain feels like mush, _only he can do that to her._

"What?" Their passionate make-out session dissolves to a halt as Meredith tugs away.

Derek chortles lightly, running both hands through his raven mane. She swears his laugh could cure diseases, it's _that_ magical. "The Doctor will be here any moment Mere, your pants are still on." Meredith eyes the preening smirk he's developed. Nonetheless, he was right.

Meredith's slides off the side of the table, sliding her skinny jeans down her waist, the denim accessorizes her ankles momentarily. Her undergarments follow next, crumpling in a heap alongside her jeans. Her fingers grip Derek's shoulder, steadying herself as she steps out of the clothing articles. Meredith crawls back to the table, swinging her legs over the side just as Derek places a paper sheet for a cover.

"Have you decided what you want to do with the baby?" Derek asks, catching Meredith off guard. In truth, Meredith wasn't sure what path she desired to go down. She knew he'd be supportive of whatever decision she made, even if that meant terminating the pregnancy. At this stage, Meredith was contemplating her options. _Options._ She had options to decipher from.

Her toes crinkle inside her sock clad feet, her hand bunching the cotton of her sweater between the tips of her fingers. "I honestly have no idea." It was the truth and she couldn't give Derek anymore or any less than that. She was leaning toward ending her pregnancy when she figured Derek was out of the picture. Though now she feels her horizon has widened with a slew of choices left and right. Even if her body was the incubator for the fetus, it was just as much Derek's decision as it was hers. He'd been an equal member of the conceiving process, it was only fair he take part in the voting. "What do _you_ want to do?" She whispers.

"I've always wanted to be a father, Meredith. Even back in New York when I was a selfish prick who claimed to love nothing more than women and money, I wanted _babies._ I thought that maybe if I found the right women I wouldn't want any of those ridiculous things anymore. That I could be a father and go back to my prior ways. But even if I wanted a million children Meredith, it isn't my place to tell you what to do. It's _your_ body." At this point Meredith feels even more confused than she had been before, her head swimming with confusion, trying to piece the jigsaw together though every part of the puzzle is far too complex to complete. Killing their baby would _crush_ him even if he were too gallant to admit it.

The door opening gave Meredith's overpowering brain some time off to think and she feels grateful their obstetrician arrived just in time to swoop in and save her. "Well good morning." She smiled softly and her vocal chords are far more tender and bearable than the nurse from earlier. Meredith's shoulders relax and the tension weighing down on her muscles dilutes.

Derek greets Dr. Kennedy, stretching an arm out to reassure that he's friendly although Meredith finds his gesture ass-kiss worthy. "It's lovely to meet you." He reciprocates, a small and subtle grin trailing across his cheeks.

"And you as well," Dr. Kennedy twists her neck toward Meredith, a comforting smile warming her expression. "Dr. Grey." She tucks a loose tress of dark hair behind her ear, the hue resembles a Hershey chocolate bar. "How are you feeling?"

Meredith's sneers slightly, restraining herself from dispersing a bitter chuckle. How was she feeling? _Horrified._ What kind of a question was that? Meredith assumes it's most likely _protocol_ just as Nurse Amanda mentioned before but she can't help but feel as if the practitioners around this joint treat her as an incompetent women who can barely perform a simple math equation. She's _pregnant_ not crippled. "Fine, the Nurse, Amanda mentioned I have a low-grade fever. I could prescribe myself some Motrin at my place of work, I'm a surgeon." In the back of her brain Meredith realizes Dr. Kennedy couldn't give a rats ass what her profession was. To her, Meredith was no more than a pregnant patient who deserved to be filed in and treated just as the others.

"Hmm." She mumbles quietly, tapping her pen across the clipboard. "I see where she marked that. It's no need for you to go to the trouble of filling your own prescription. In fact I'm sure it's just a virus we caught early before you began showing symptoms. I can fill out an order to have ready for pick-up before you leave."

Meredith nods, realizing any further arguments would only deepen the embarrassment she'd feel later. "Are you having any symptoms, such as nausea, fatigue, cramping, possibly cravings?"

"She's certainly craving _Muesli_ , which is abnormal for her." Derek chimes, chuckling lightly. His fingers splay across he small of Meredith's back and she feels an overwhelming amount of comfort from the gesture he's bestowing upon her.

Dr. Kennedy joins in on the laugher, dying after only a few moments before reeling all of them back into reality. "I'm experiencing everything, other than the cramping I haven't had any of that." Meredith's fingers toy against the flimsy paper, designed to protect the seat from collecting any germs, though Meredith finds it silly, as most patients shuffle and rustle around, dirtying the chair surface anyhow. The scribble of her pen intoxicates the seemingly quiet room.

"Alright then," Dr. Kennedy sighs, a smile gracing her features once more. "Let's begin with a pelvic exam, and then we'll move forth a vaginal ultrasound." Meredith scowls lightly, oh how she _despises_ pelvic exams. Though she grits her teeth and bares through it, her feet steadied in the stirrups, her ears ringing at the sound of fresh latex gloves slapping against Dr. Kennedy's hands. Meredith's fingers entwine with Derek's, and he squeezes to provide some sort of reassurance.

The exam only lasts a few minutes, Dr. Kennedy affirming the couple everything looked good. She sets up the tools for her ultrasound and Meredith's belly clenches. Suddenly an overwhelming amount of fear crashes over her like waves. What if the baby she and Derek made was unhealthy? What if her hostile uterus fucked up her entire pregnancy? What if-

Meredith's ever lasting dark and twisty thoughts were interrupted by a _glug-glug_ sound, pricking her ear drums. Her attention averts to the monitor where Dr. Kennedy has her finger pointed to a small, fuzzed blob. "There it is." She grins, turning toward the couple with an almost accomplished grin against her cheeks. "The baby is looking healthy. It has a strong heartbeat as well."

The tears she'd managed to withhold for the better portion of the morning, overpowered her. She was on a hormonal rollercoaster, the car teetering at the edge debating whether or not it was ready it was ready to let loose or fall backward. The latter won, salty tears trailing down her rosy cheeks as he heartbeat of her baby radiated. _Their_ baby. A life she and Derek made out of love. Meredith had been unsure of what path she was willing to go down earlier. Her mind had been cloudy, swimming with too many thoughts. Her mind was crystal clear now, she didn't need further prompting as to what she wanted to do with her child.

Derek leans in close, plummeting a chaste kiss to Meredith's forehead, his hold on her hand still firm. Before he has the chance to tug away, Meredith uses her free hand to pull him back into her personal space bubble. Her lips peck his, _once, twice, three times,_ a grin the size of Texas decorating her expression. "I want this baby." Meredith cooes, squeezing his hand. "I want this baby with _you."_

* * *

 **Authors note:**

 **I love this chapter, like really** _ **love**_ **this chapter. I think it's a good way to give more insight as to how Meredith feels about the whole pregnancy thing.**

 **I bet all of you were scared shitless when Derek wasn't with her, hA! Though I'm sure some of you saw through my little facade, knowing I could never make Derek out to be that bad guy.**

 **Yes I'm aware, the last two chapters have been purely MerDer and I know a lot of you crave the other characters, I swear they're still there I just got a tad bit carried away with all the MerDer, I can't contain it. Remember, we still have April who knows all about Meredith and Derek's tryst, Rose who's in the know about it all, Mark Sloan, and let's not forget about the rest of the hospital who's skeptical of Meredith and Derek but aren't fully aware. I'm thinking of bringing in some of the Shepherd sisters, would you all like that?**

 **Let me know your thoughts of this chapter, what I can improve, what you want to see. Also check out of my other story, 'Little Piece of Me' I plan on updating that tomorrow (: also if you're a user I'd love it if you would make an account while reviewing. I'd love to reply to all of your kind and lovely reviews and I know some are shy and prefer the guest reviews which I don't mind at all, but if you'd consider making an account I'd be forever grateful. Also if you're just too shy to review at all, being a guest reviewer is good too. I just love hearing your feedback! It inspires me ahaha!**

 **I love you all so much, thank you for the reads!**


	15. Take Off Your Poker Face 15

_Take Off Your Poker Face | chapter 15_

Derek feels Meredith's grip tightening. The clamminess of her palm swirling against his own bundle of perspiring nerves. He's positively certain it isn't the scolding beams of sunlight cascading down upon his figure making his flesh slick with sweat. A fresh layer of dew blankets his forehead and back of his neck. Mentally he's chortling at himself, he'd been the one imploring and pleading for this moment. _He ached for this._ Or so Derek _thought_ he did.

He can't be certain for the reasoning behind his sudden combustion of dwindling nerves. Perhaps it was Meredith's over-evaluation the previous night causing such a swirl of dissonance. He'd tugged at the revaluation for _months_ it seemed, pestering and whining with every ounce of power his body held. Derek aspired for nothing more than to be able to entwine his fingers around Meredith's in a public vicinity. To do nothing more than radiate his relishing of the woman next to him to someone other than Meredith or April Kepner for that matter. Convulsing with April in supply closets over his overbearing love for Meredith Grey wasn't everything it sought out to be. In fact, he felt even more enclosed sharing the intimate details of his relationship with the quirky redhead than he had before she was well aware of their unrelenting love. Derek was enclosed and limited as to what he was allowed to share. The fear creeping down his spine as to whether or not April would spill his secrets to other colleagues in the hospital haunted Derek at times.

Becoming exclusive to the public eye was enough for his stomach to perform gymnast routines, backflips, somersaults, and other complexing tricks. The grip he held to Meredith's palm tightened once more, his knuckles diluting its color to a pasty white. "Are you _sure_ this is okay with you?" Derek preened that exact question for the better half of their morning. Each and every time Meredith responding with the same, 'I'm fine' though Derek worried immensely she'd reciprocate her validation each and every time he divulged the time bomb.

The simple brush of Meredith's thumb across the velvet of his flesh seemed to calm the rapid pulsates in his chest. Absentminded gestures such as those reminded Derek exactly why he fell so madly in love with Meredith Grey. She was telepathic in his eyes, as if she could read his mind and know _exactly_ what he needed at that moment. Meredith was _something_ for sure. "It's now or never." She whispers, craning her neck as her emerald orbs pierce against his indigo storm of swirling doubt and peril.

"It doesn't have to be now," Derek begins, lifting his free hand to caress the baby soft skin of her rosy, freckle dusted cheek. "I want this to go at your pace. If you aren't ready, say the word and we can wait a couple more days. Anything I've said in the past about wanting to tell everyone about our budding romance has whisked off since I found out we're having a child together." His tone is sincere and he means every drop of his spiel spoken moments earlier. Meredith's happiness trumps anything else in his orbit. She deserves nothing **but** the absolute best. If Derek could potentially manage it, he'd have the moon and stars for her if she desired it.

"But that's just it." This time she's squeezing **his** hand for reassurance. "We are having a _baby,_ that's a huge deal. This can't wait any longer, Derek. I don't want the first memory of this child to come out as some scandal between two co-workers who've been _fucking_ each other. They need to know this baby was made out of _love_ and purely that. This hospital needs to get the story straight whether I'm ready for it or not. Our baby deserves the proper story."

Derek ached to protest. He knew in the deep depths of Meredith's soul, she was having a frenzied panic attack. Though no matter how much Derek wished her words were nothing but lies, they were truth. Cold, hard, _truth._ He too, didn't want their baby presented as a scandal. Their creation of love deserved its rightful story and it was Derek and Meredith's job to deliver that tale. "You're right." He sighed in defeat, stepping closer to his girlfriend, his best friend, his lover, his freaking _soulmate._ "I think I'm a _tad_ nervous myself if we're being honest. But I want to do this. I want to do this with **you**."

Derek's free hand splayed the pads of its fingers across the cotton material of Meredith's sweater. His digits rest peacefully below her navel, stroking attentively at the darkened purple fabric eclipsing her belly. Their baby was in there. They made a baby together. How exotic was that? The simple thought reeled butterflies to Derek's stomach. He felt elated just at simple action of his hand firmly resting against Meredith's belly. It was a euphoric thought, almost drugging in a sense. Derek had always been a firm believer in something up there in the sky, bestowing life when needed. He was aware of the fact Meredith wasn't a religious or spiritual person, though at times he secretly wishes she were so that she too could understand that the fetus forming in her uterus was a blessing to them both.

"We can be nervous _together_." Meredith suggests. A nervous Meredith Grey was one Derek most normally didn't have the pleasure of meeting. She presented herself with concrete walls surrounded by electric barbed wire fences, itching to electrocute the next victim daring to climb over her barriers. He feels like a survivor at times, as he managed to successfully gnaw his way through her protective chamber.

Derek squeezes her hand in his once more, sifting a deep and strenuous breath as he and Meredith stroll forward and into the hospital. The sliding doors glide open with a _'woosh'_ noise, pricking Derek's ears and a gust of warmth trickling down his goose layered skin. His perspiration heightens as the couple trots along the speckled flooring of the hospital ground. Derek feels eyes trailing along his spine, attentively staring he and his girlfriend down like hawks in a nest. His gaze shifts to Meredith, to his surprise she appears calm and collected to the naked eye. No remnants of the quivering she'd been performing moments earlier present on her figure. Derek's aware of the fact she easily hides emotions away like a secret stash of forbidden candy to outsiders, though he finds himself shocked at the acting debut she's put on for the subordinates roaming the halls of Seattle Grace. _Or perhaps she really is just calm and collected._

"Good morning Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey." A resident greets them with a preening grin, the size of Mount Rushmore. He's foggy with the residents name, perhaps Amanda? No maybe it was Anna? He doesn't bother struggling any further as he takes note of the fact she's already disintegrated from his general proximity. Secretly Derek wonders if the doctor even noticed the physical contact he and Meredith were sharing.

"So far, so good." Meredith mumbles quietly, just loud enough so that Derek hears the soft convulsion.

His ragged thumb pad strokes the velvet of Meredith's hand, brushing rhythmically in circles to soothe any frayed nerves she may be secretly holding captive deep within her soul. His neck snaps to the honey-blonde beauty, _her hair is by far one of his most favorite things about her_ , a grin threatening to spread across his stubbled cheeks. "This might be easier than we thought." His primary hostility weighing down against his shoulders like an anchor wafted away. Their voyage continues, Derek determined to make a beeline for the impending elevator.

"You were right all along, nothing to worry about." Meredith chimes, pressing a finger to the button against the wall. Derek senses dissonances exerting itself from Meredith's structure, her muscles seeming to uncoil their stiff appearance. He feels himself getting lost in the smile she's wearing, _God it's a beautiful grin._ Derek's never witnessed one quite like that on anyone. Meredith's smile manages to turn his organs to jello instantly, no further assistance required. He's unaware of the voices engrossing him, though he definitely snaps his mind back to reality at the feel of a hand patting his shoulder blades.

"Huh?" Derek's eyes focus on the blonde standing behind him. She's an attending, bright waves of golden tresses cascading down the woman's shoulders. He feels shitty partially as he doesn't remember the blondes name. He blames his incompetence on the early hour and he racks his brain for a beam of light.

"I was just congratulating you and Dr. Grey." Izzie! He remembers her from months earlier, before he and Meredith had anything serious cooked up. She'd been in that attending's lounge, alongside the others hissing, speaking negative and provoking convulsions of Meredith. Derek ached to scowl at her, how dare she slap on a fake grin and pretend to be happy for he and his girlfriend. He contemplated momentarily whether or not he'd be using his fist rather than words, though Meredith's pillow soft lips brushing across his cheeks diverted his attention.

Derek's eyes flutter, perhaps an attempt to calm the rush of blood pumping like a three year old on a sugar high. _"Relax."_ Meredith's whisper brushing the line of his jaw. Mentally he laughed, the tables had substantially turned in this situation as Meredith was asserting he be calm rather than he plead for her to do so. Uncharacteristic or not, it had helped the dissonance stretched across Derek's muscles loosen.

He clears his threat, the noise echoing within the narrow cabin of the elevator. "Thank you, Dr. Stevens." Derek's lips fold in a thin line, the left corner of his lip quirking upward slightly. He feels relieved at the feeling of Meredith's hand clasped in his, _her finger tips brushing along his knuckles._ For a moment, he's flashing back to more than six months ago, wondering how he'd managed to survive Seattle without _her. His lover, best friend, soulmate._ That thought rests in his head and it keeps him calm for the time being.

The perky blonde presses the stack of charts gripped between her fingers against her bosom tighter. She shoots Derek and Meredith a grin, showing her pearly whites to them both. "No problem, I wish you both the best." The elevator dings and suddenly she's disappeared. The last several minutes fade in Derek's brain like a faint memory that's lost its intricate details in time. His eyes avert to Meredith, _the image of her honey-gold tresses a pleasant view._ "One down." Derek whispers, brushing the rigid pad of his thumb across her velvet soft skin.

"A thousand to go." She smiles and a giggle releases itself from between her pillow soft lips. Derek's ears prick at the harmony of her laughter, the most beautiful noise he's ever had he pleasure of hearing. He enjoys her slight over exaggeration, the humor calming the remaining dwindle of nerves swimming through his veins. _He can do this,_ his conscience chants consecutively, _his mantra. He can do_ _ **anything**_ _with_ _ **her**_ _by his side._

Derek leans into the fire of it all, deciding to let the reveal of his secluded partnership with Meredith Grey play out however it wills. The doors slide open. He mentally prepares himself for the bombardment of stares, the whispers, the questionable expressions crossing every subordinates face. But he knows he can do it. _He can do_ _ **anything**_ _with_ _ **her**_ _by his side. Anything._

* * *

The screen glows with life _again_ , the vibrating and buzzing of the electronic disintegrating the silence of his office. _He knows he should answer. He knows avoiding the call would only bring more backlash in the end. He knows it's his flesh and blood._ Though, Derek can't find himself reaching for the neon green _answer_ sign on the screen. His stomach twists like a knotted pretzel. He isn't _ashamed_ of anything. In fact, he'd been itching to get ahold of his family and let them soak in the news of a new addition to their surplus of a clan.

Yet then, there had only been one person he wanted to show off. _Now he had_ _ **two**_ _._ His fingers grip the raven hair sprouting from his scalp roughly, tugging and pulling, praying that maybe releasing the tension built between his muscles could dissolve through hashing everything out on his hair. The iPhone buzzes again, _missed call,_ flashes like a neon sign eagerly, crying out to grasp Derek's attention. Ignoring the issue doesn't make it go away. He knows this. But it helps pushing it back.

The door of his office opening distracts Derek from his current problem, he mentally thinks God for whoever it was willing to disturb his teetering decision as to whether or not he'd return the pleather of calls. "Mark." Disgust coils through Derek's tone, a hint of anger swirling against the distaste. "Get the _hell_ out."

A huff murmurs throughout Derek's office, bouncing off the walls, imprinting itself into the floorboards. He'd managed to avoid Mark Sloan for the majority of his stay in Seattle, yet somehow the son of a bitch manages to find his only place of seclusion and quiet. _His office._ "Does it bother you that this is a matchbox compared to the palace you were sitting in back at the practice in New York." He manages to dodge Derek's request all together, though he isn't surprised by the actions. Mark had been using his _selective hearing_ for the better half of his life.

"I thought you were _leaving_." Derek hisses the response through gritted teeth, he's sure saliva has sprayed across the oak of his desk.

Mark chortles bitterly, the famous smirk Derek has grown far too familiar with preening across his cheeks. "I never said that." Mark pads closer to Derek's personal vicinity, _the fragrance of musk and highly concentrated cologne filling the air._ Mark parks himself in the leather worn chair parallel of Derek's desk. He watches like a hawk in a birds nest, _the way Mark's fingertips glide across the fabric of the chair, the smirk still extremely present across his cheeks._ His body language indicates he's dying to share something and Derek's gut clenches as he can predict the thought pondering Mark Sloan's puny brain.

"Well _I_ did." Derek's chimes, leaning forward to face his ex-best friend.

"You know," Mark starts. He watches the man who stares at the small picture framed on Derek's desk, attentively. The photograph had been captured only a month earlier, Derek had been toying with his old Polaroid camera, accidentally capturing a candid of he and his lover. He ended up liking the end result of their picture and he framed it on his desk. "I never did think you and Addie were a good match." He sighs, reaching across the small gap between he and the desk, grabbing the picture of Derek and Meredith.

At first, Derek's sure Mark's only commenting that due to the fact he'd been screwing his ex-Fiancée behind his back for months. Though something sincere lingers in the depths of Mark's eyes. "Why do you say that?" Derek's tone uncharacteristically soft, frail, like a small child whimpering words for the first time. His throat is a desert, it feels brittle and sandy.

A smile stretches across Mark's cheeks once more. "I won't lie, you were happy with Addison. She provided everything you needed, someone _hot_ , someone _educated_ , someone to keep on your _arm._ She fit the missing puzzle piece of your life back in New York." He stops, the smile on his lips brightening by a notch or two.

"I've seen you with Meredith. I notice the way you've been gazing at her, like she's the last piece of cheesecake or something. She makes you smile a way I haven't seen you grin like since we were just two morons in our freshmen year of college. You were happy with Addie. You were content having your life just borderline fine, but I know she didn't make you feel the way Meredith Grey makes you feel. This new _light_ shows in you, there's a bounce in your step. Seattle changed you, man. You aren't who you were back in Manhattan. This is the _you_ I knew back in high school and college. I think this move changed you for the better. Perhaps, it even _saved_ you from drowning permanently. I know me sleeping with your woman was a bad judgment call on my half. I know nothing can excuse what I did but Derek, I think losing Addison may have been the best thing for you. Look at how happy you are now, with your new girlfriend and life down here in Washington."

Derek wallows in the aftermath of his prior besties spiel. He knows more than half of the things coming from Mark Sloan's mouth is just a load of garbage, though he can't deny the fact that perhaps Mark Sloan is _right_ in this situation. Derek sits, letting the languishing silence eclipse he and the man sitting before him for a few moments. He isn't sure what to say, how to respond. The last time he'd held a real conversation with Mark, Derek's fist collided against Mark's cheekbone. He knows he wasn't that in love with Addison, that she only made him _borderline_ happy. In fact, it wasn't even the half that Addison had been sleeping with another man, it was the fact that his own best friend had betrayed him like that. And he wasn't sure he could just forgive and forget just yet.

Derek nods slowly, folding his hands in a clammy pile of fingers and skin in his lap. His front tooth fidgets with his bottom lip uneasily, teetering the options of what his next move may be in his head, _back and forth, back and forth._ "I may be who I was before New York happened. I may be more open minded and I may have someone who makes me happier than anyone I can remember. But it doesn't mean I've forgotten the past and it doesn't mean I've let go of all my old attributes." His tone is rugged, hoarse. "It doesn't mean I'm ready to forgive you, Mark. You're just going to have to accept that fact."

His pager rings with life, _Derek's exerts a short breath in relief._ "I have to go." So he does just that.

* * *

His lips suction against the pulsating, dew coated flesh of his lover. His fingers brush along her hipbone, _the digits dancing a tango across her skin rhythmically._ Derek's mind grows fuzzy as he loses himself in the intoxicating fragrance of Meredith's skin. _Lavender._ The better half of his day had been hectic and straining. With the bombardment of Mark Sloan and nosy colleagues itching to be informed of the details of he and his girlfriends new relationship, Derek ached for nothing more than a bit of privacy with his woman.

Meredith's whimpers hum through the bedroom, soft moans, light gasps, squawks and squeaks fill the vicinity quickly. The feeling of her tiny toes rubbing across his calve cause his skin to erupt in a flurry of goosebumps. Derek's chest to her back, his free arm securely locked around Meredith's small waist. His rod thrusts inward and outward slowly, consecutively, an easy pattern he's sure to never forget. Meredith's colorful noises indicate he's doing his job _perfectly,_ and it's all he could ever ask for from her, _the recognition of his actions._

He thumbs her rosy buds, sloppily moving the pad of his skin back and forth over her peak. The sound of an orgasmic wave exerts from between Meredith's lips. He feels her quake beneath him, coming undone piece by piece as she physically tells Derek all that he does to her. Soon he's joining on her the climax express, releasing himself within the depths of her womanhood. They collapse in a heap of sweaty limbs, silence blanketing the room. Derek's nose buries in the nape of Meredith's neck, slick with perspiration. The damp tresses of Meredith's golden locks brush against the side of his nose, her lavender conditioner heady against his nostrils. If the world were to work in his favor, he'd never have to leave this spot. _This moment._ His throat burns at the intoxicating scent of their sexes mingled together as one, creeping its way down his esophagus.

"Damnit, I'm still horny." Meredith mumbles, breaking the intimate moment. Though Derek doesn't complain, in fact it makes him release a hearty laugh, his breath brushing against Meredith's flesh. "The stupid pregnancy hormones make me want to have sex, _all the time_."

He laughs again, this time not as vivid and loud as the last. His thumb brushes over buds slowly, his lips pressing against the crease in Meredith's neck. "I like the stupid hormones." Derek whispers, pulling her figure closer to his own. Meredith's giggle brims the bedroom and his heart flutters with happiness. They lay content in a swarm of silence, the sound of cars on the street and fellow neighbors beating through the window. Derek's phone interrupts their serenity and he cringes at the unforgettable noise of his vibrate.

Meredith grumbles, twisting his grasp in order to face him. Her face presses to his chest, she mumbles something he doesn't quite comprehend. He wonders if he lets the phone ton continue ringing, it'll stop for good. But as he's assumed, it continues to ring with life. "Make it stop." She whines, jackknifing her thigh of Derek's hipbone. He grunts, reaching to the cellphone, cringing his thumb taps the green phone sign.

"Hello?" His tone is limp and hoarse.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd! I have been trying to reach you non-stop for the last twenty-four hours. Where have you been?" Derek's chest tightens, his mothers voice blaring through the speakers.

He isn't sure what to say, _he doesn't know what to say._ His brain is still clouded from the orgasmic high he'd endured only moments earlier. Speaking with the woman who birthed him while buck naked, entangled in an embrace with the new found love of his life didn't make for a happy Derek Shepherd. He'd much rather end the call and snuggle with Meredith for the rest of his evening, than deal with the wrath of Carolyn Shepherd. "I've been busy, in fact I'm kind of busy right now." Annoyance sifts his tone and he prays his mother can pick up the hint. His lips lean downward momentarily, pressing a kiss to the crown of Meredith's messy head of locks as of right now resembles more of a birds nest than hair. His fingers massage her scalp, running easily through the tresses.

"Well whenever you decide to get un-busy, you should know I'm coming to Seattle in a couple of days." Derek feels numb, the thing he'd been trying to hard to avoid was becoming a real life nightmare.

"W-What?" He questions, hoping Meredith doesn't notice the change in his tone. His chin rests against the top of Meredith's head, keeping her flesh close to his own.

"I'm coming to Seattle. Out of all my children, you've seen to be the only whose fallen off the face of the earth. I haven't seen you in almost a year, Derek. You think packing up and leaving from New York with no warning of why and going across the country is normal? I'm worried about you."

He knows this would happen eventually. He's given his family, little to no insight about what happened between he and Addison or that he would be leaving New York permanently. "I-" he pauses, knowing fighting with his mother would do more harm than good. "Fine." Derek sighs in defeat. He continues communicating for a few more moments, until he's sure he may explode if he convulses any longer.

"Who was that?" Meredith asks, nuzzling against Derek's chest. He hears the grogginess in her voice, _he knows she's exhausted._ His hand voyages to her navel, stroking the skin of her belly slowly where their child rest in the seclusion of his lovers tummy.

"My mother." Derek's chest tightens, knowing Meredith wouldn't be taking the next few words escaping his mouth well. "She's coming to Seattle."

* * *

 **Ah! So yes I know I'm an awful person I haven't updated in forever, but I do have a few valid excuses! School has been so hectic, it was the end of a quarter and I've been swamped with tears and essays and making sure I have everything turned in for the final grade. Also, I've been busy with other personal things and writing was honestly the last thing on my mind. Though I hope this update was worth it, I mean I did provide a bit of porny MerDer (;**

 **Next chapter will definitely be more interesting, I won't lie I enjoy writing from Meredith's POV more in this story though I think in order for this story to work. Tell me if you'd want the a few of the Shepherd sisters to tag along or if that should wait for another chapter.**

 **What was your thoughts on the Mark and Derek portion of this chapter? I kind of liked it myself, I think it's a good beginning for closure for them. I haven't forgotten about the other prominent characters in this story, April, Rose and the others.**

 **Tell me your thoughts on everything, what I can improve on, what you liked. I enjoy your feedback very much!**

 **Thank you for reading, and also check out my newest story, 'Pick Your Poison' if you haven't already. Love you all!**


	16. Romantic Chick-Flick 16

_Romantic Chick-Flick | Chapter 16_

Her knees press to the front of her chest, firm and steady. Her fingers pluck the frayed caramel colored hem lining the side of her dark washed jeans. _Pick, pick._ Her chin rests awkwardly against her kneecaps. Her eyes focus to the wall parallel to her body, staring at the empty wall she'd yet to decorate. She wants to vomit some more, though she's sure there aren't any further contents in her stomach to be hurled. The rain taps her window consecutively, _tap, tap, tap,_ and the wind howls briskly in the background, sliding through the door jam of her home. Her attention directs to her watch for the fifth time in the last thirty minutes or so.

 _7:43 PM_

She mentally cringes, tucking her wrist underneath the bend in her knee. Her orbs take another glance at the barren living room, brown, dull boxes stacked on top of one another, random and unimportant objects scatter the patterned carpet. She was supposed to have had this unpacked _hours ago,_ though the most productive thing she'd managed to accomplish being moving from the living chair to the hall bathroom. Her stomach rumbled in rhythm with the thunder booming outside her humble abode, _damn it she was starving._

Her heart ached for Derek's presence, she needed him now more than she could remember. The pile of 'junk' scattered through the wood flooring of the living room was far too overwhelming for compensation at this point in her evening. As much as it made Meredith's alter ego cringe with disgust, she knew deep down this was no task for her solely. Nearly a year ago she would have scoffed at the slightest mention of needing some sort of help. Now she sit ten months later, in the midst of a far more successful relationship than she intended, wanting and needing her beloved boyfriend to come home from the hospital and help her.

Meredith snorted, oh how ironic the situation was once again. Normally she'd been the one staying long hours at Seattle Grace, trolling for any possibly case she could find just to stay away from _home._ She'd realized ever since meeting Derek, it had been the most time she'd ever spent staying here. To her surprise, she almost _enjoyed_ the atmosphere of this home and at times she was compelled to officially unpacking things and moving on with her life.

The rain continued its melody outside the confines of her living room, _patter, patter, plop,_ and it was beginning to make her overwhelmingly fatigued. She'd had one hell of a stressful day and being pregnant wasn't helping matters either. She teetered the idea of napping for a few seconds, the latter winning by a milestone. Her cheek presses to the back of the recliner, her eyes fluttering, her life hooded over the emerald orbs decorating her eyes. _Just a power nap._ Meredith thinks, officially clenching her irises shut as lethargy overtakes her mind.

* * *

 _9:33 PM_

Meredith mumbles something unintelligent, the feeling of something gripping her right shoulder firmly, present to her frame. She's well aware of the mild shaking of her figure and the murmur of soft words, rustling against her honey-golden tresses. Though behind her sleepy eyelids, she feels no desire to awaken for _whoever_ is pleading that she must.

 _"Meredith."_ The sound of her name hums against the drums of her ears, slightly echoing between the walls of her living room. She's fully awake now, though her eyes remain nothing more than clenched tight.

Her nose presses against the back cushion of the dark green recliner, the picks and tufts tickling the edge of her nose. "Go away." Meredith mumbles, shifting sleepily to the opposite of _whoever_ deemed to be bothering her. Her disturbers hand curls around her kneecap, brushing the pad of her jeans with the tip of their thumb. She's almost a hundred percent sure she knows who's drawing her out of slumber, though she's afraid to open her eyes as she hasn't started on a single thing.

Her eyes flutter slowly, her orbs of emerald hazed with sleep and lethargy. The base of her palm brushes against her sleepy lids, stroking the sleep and fatigue away. Her vision comes into focus and a mane of raven curls fills her sight. A lazy smile curls against Meredith's flushed cheeks, warmth fluttering through her abdomen as she watches the love of her life sit parallel to her. "Hey." She mumbles quietly.

A smile plasters to Derek's stubbled cheeks, and his front teeth bare into the bottom of his lip slowly. "Well hello there, sleeping beauty," he pauses and leans upward to plant a soft peck to Meredith's warm lips.

She giggles softly, _loving when he called her 'sleeping beauty',_ grinning like a pure idiot as she watches Derek, settling back down into a kneeling position in front of her body. "Hi." She's well aware of the fact she's already bellowed a greeting to her man, though she's too dazed and happy to care or try to come up with a better response. So instead she settles with her uncharacteristically shy _'hi'_ awaiting patiently for his response.

"Hmm," he starts, grunting softly as he pulls himself to stand. She watches Derek take a three-sixty glance around the living room and her stomach roils as she knows he's aware of the clutter she never put away. "I'm guessing not much work was done here, huh?" His tone doesn't indicate he's angry with her or even the slightest bit upset, though it doesn't suppress the guilt wafting through her veins. He'd given her one task to complete and she couldn't even fulfill it. In her defense, the news of his mother coming to town had virtually gnawed away at her gut all day and the nerves had been quite the distractor.

"I'm sorry." Meredith murmurs, curling up like a cat into the crook of the recliner. Her knees press to her chest, her arms tightening around her legs. "I've been throwing up all afternoon and then I was only planning on taking a quick cat-nap for a few minutes, which ended up turning into a full blown sleep for god knows how long. You know this baby of _yours_ sure knows how to make me miserable sometimes. I'm tired all the time Derek, and what's with the nausea in the evening, isn't it supposed to be 'morning sickness?' Hey, what time is it?" She rambles unknowingly, a common trait Meredith has adapted to in the months she's known Derek. He's such a _chatty_ man that his convulsions had rubbed off on her in more ways than one.

Derek doesn't respond immediately, instead he leans forward, placing a lingering kiss to Meredith's forehead. His left hand strokes her tussled locks and his right firmly rests against her belly. His fingers move beneath the mauve sweater she's wearing, his hand brushing over her navel carefully. "Don't worry, Meredith. If you weren't feeling well it's okay." He's kneeling again at this point, pushing Meredith's top up. She flinches as cool air brushes naked skin, though Derek hovering over her nude belly helps warm her. "You have to start being good for mommy." Derek murmurs, placing a kiss to her stomach.

He'd taken this approach a few times before. Each occurrence Meredith denying she enjoyed her boyfriend coercing with the unborn fetus growing in her uterus, though secretly it warmed her insides. She didn't have the heart or energy for that matter to stop his current gesture, instead she forms a small smile and curls her fingers around his tresses. Her nails brush against his scalp as she continues the miniature massage.

"Have you eaten?" Derek chimes, raising his head.

Meredith's nose bunches. "No, but I'm _starving._ " She admits. Her stomach rumbles and the noise eclipses the silent living room.

Derek releases a mere chuckle, reaching into his back pocket. "How about I order us a pizza, that way we can eat _and_ work on getting this living room finished."

"Since when do you eat pizza? What happened to Mr. Health nut?" Meredith interrupts, folding her arms across her chest securely. In truth she's conjuring ways to avoid cleaning the living room. She'd rather burn alive than sift through old boxes, digging up past memories she'd rather keep in her mental closet. Though, this is _Derek._ They'd been seeing each other for quite sometime as it was and he'd yet to judge her. Even back when they were nothing more than _'fuck buddies'_ the man never once hinted at the idea she was a freak. He'd stuck with her through thick and thin; _abandonment issues, past relationships, the baby,_ he was truly her knight in shining... whatever.

"For you." Derek replies simply, flashing an adoring grin at her. "If me eating pizza with you makes you feel better, then I'll do it. I'd eat a million pizzas just to see that smile of yours." Her heart thumps like a drum on a sugar high.

Somehow she feels that she could never grow tired of his charming approaches.

* * *

"Oh my god, that's _Anatomy Jane_!" Meredith's giggle fills the air. Her fingers clutch the plastic doll like a crane, bringing it to her chest. It was one of the few birthday gifts she'd received from her mother. In fact she wonders if it was the _only_ present she'd been given. _The only one that mattered, anyhow._ Meredith's fingers comb through the toys matted brown tresses, which in fact to her surprise had been kept in better shape than she intended it to be. The doll was accustomed with a simple turquoise hospital gown, her belly full of miniature intestines. "Oh look, the _jelly pouch_ is still here." As a child, she hadn't been able to remember any of the organ names, creating her own instead.

Derek joins in on the laughter, his hand rhythmically rubbing circles across Meredith's spine. "Somehow I'm not surprised." He snorts. She watches him glare at the doll with a snarky smirk and she playfully pushes his shoulder.

"Not surprised by about what?" Meredith's brow raises in defense and curiosity. She can most certainly _guess_ what he meant by the comment, though she finds humor and enjoyment out of teasing and testing him.

"Well considering you're one of the most hardcore surgeons I've ever met, it doesn't surprise me that you would have been a surgery junkie at such a young age either."

Meredith's smiles, hoping her facade is strong enough to mask the way she truly feels about the doll. As a child, she did relish the item. Though not for the fact it was a surgical toy, but the reason being that her mother had given it to her. Meredith truly hadn't even wanted to be a doctor until midway through high school, and even then she'd been on the fence about it. She in no way, shape, or form wanted to resemble Ellis Grey, much less be compared to the woman.

She stretches her legs across Derek's lap, burying her head against the crook in Derek's neck. Her nostrils flare at his rugged scent, the combination of _Old Spice_ aftershave and _Calvin Klein_ cologne. Meredith's adores his delicious fragrance, sometimes even stealing one or two of his shirts for herself just to inhale his smell while he was away. Something about this man was _too_ perfect at times and it scared her beyond belief. She was such a dark and twisty person with more flaws than she could keep track of. She wondered how on earth someone such as himself would ever take a liking to her.

Though, Meredith's quick to brush the thought away, finding that she may as well enjoy it before her _house of cards_ goes crumbling to a heap. "I actually wanted to be a dancer." Her lips peck the hasty layer of stubble eclipsing his neck. "In fact, I wanted to be anything _but_ a surgeon growing up."

Her eyes clench. She hasn't revealed too much of her childhood, other than the fact it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine as she presumed his was. Then again, the more she speculated, the more she grew aware of the fact he hadn't revealed all that much about his past either. _Which also scarred the living day lights out of her._

"What else did the magnificent Meredith Grey want to be?" He doesn't pester her as to why she was reluctant to becoming a physician, and that lifts the heavy anchor that had been baring down on her chest, a little. Another reason she swears she'll love this man for eternity.

A smile cracks open and it glides across her cheeks slowly. Her fore and middle finger twiddle a piece of his raven mane between the pads of her digits and she presses another kiss _\- this one firmer -_ to the flesh of his neck. "Well in high school I had this whole fiery pink hair and dark eyeliner thing going on," she begins though he's quick to interrupt.

"Did the _carpet_ match the _drapes_?" His eyebrows wiggle and Meredith's gapes, only to break out into a flurry of giggles and howls. Her hands cup her mouth and she's not sure as to why she found his commentary so _hilarious._ Perhaps she's just overdo for a good, long laugh.

"Oh my god, you're an _asshole_!" Meredith spanks his shoulder. "And **no** , I didn't have enough money for two boxes of hair dye." She throws him a playful wink and she's sure his imagination is on a freight train as of this moment. "Anyways, I really wanted to invest in my own music shop so I could sell CDs for _misunderstood_ teenagers such as myself."

Derek nods and his finger curls under Meredith's chin, ever so slightly lifting her head. "I would have bought every single one of your _misunderstood teenager CDs_." His tone is a low and throaty whisper, the kind that makes her girl parts scream with desire. She mentally wants to kick his ass for awakening the beast inside her, considering they've virtually conducted nothing other than devouring an entire pepperoni pizza and rummaging through random boxes. Though at this point and time, she couldn't care less if the _crap_ was ever put away.

Meredith leans forward, raising herself just a tad as she locks her lips against his own. Her cheeks prick a fever of fire and lust, the exact feeling coiling within her core. Derek looks so damn sexy this evening. He's sporting her favorite 'I just came from surgery and I saved a fucking life' look, the one where his eyes sparkle so bright that he may have all the stars in the galaxy beaten. Her tongue maneuvers into his mouth reluctantly, as if she's a fourteen year old girl all over again experiencing her first make-out. His cavern is open wide and their tongues mesh against one another, dancing the tango. Derek sucks her bottom lip carefully, nipping and biting with his front teeth.

She's found herself in his lap, straddling his hips with her thighs. His hand bunches at the back of her sweater, pushing the material up her spine as a gust of cold air plucks at her bare skin. Meredith's skin blankets a thick layer of goosebumps, though she doesn't care. The fire conjuring in her belly is far more than enough to keep her body furnaced.

"You're so _sexy_." Derek mumbles against Meredith's neck. He'd been using that term as of late to describe her appearance. Subconsciously she was sure her boyfriend had been keen to use such a specific piece of vocabulary due to her pregnancy and she constantly carried the feeling of being a _fat whale_ around with her even though she had barely even begun to show. Of course, the endearment was never tiring and in fact it only boosted herself esteem.

Derek carefully lifts her mauve sweater from her torso, bringing above her head, throwing it to a crumpled pile parallel to them. She'd been bare beneath it, her breasts aching too much to even try and incorporate a bra. Her lover doesn't seem to mind, in fact he seems rejoiced. His thumb brushes back and forth over her soft pink buds, flicking them rhythmically until hard and aroused with life. She releases a moan of desire, tiny indicators that he'd been doing all of the right things to her bosom.

"U-Upstairs?" Meredith quakes, her voice quivers. As unsexy as it may sound, her back was _killing_ her and the idea of her bare ass pressed to the hardwood floors of the living room made her shudder in horror. Derek merely mumbles an incoherent reply, lifting her from the ground swiftly. Meredith shrieks in delight, and he carries her to the master bedroom.

The exact minute her back dips into the mattress of her bed, her eyes blur as tears haze her vision. She'd never had a _man_ , much less _anyone_ provide such a devotion to her. Sure, before her ex-psychopath boyfriend Finn went all gun on her, he'd been _caring._ Though nothing that bastard did could ever compare to the way Derek Christopher Shepherd made her feel. The man practically _worshipped_ ever inch of her as if she were some sort of prized possession. _Maybe_ _ **his**_ _prized possession._

He doesn't seem to notice her momentary emotional spill and she finds happiness in that as the moment is far too perfect to ruin. Before she knows what's happening, he's carefully pulling her leg up by his hip, his other hand brushing the messy strands of tussled and mussed had from Meredith's forehead. Derek smiles at her and a choked chuckle wafts from between his lips.

"I love you." Meredith inquires. As corny and _romantic chick-flick_ as it was, she feels as if she doesn't vocalize her feelings to him as much as she should. Derek doesn't reply, instead he pushes into her welcoming warmth without warning. A throaty gasp releases from her esophagus and suddenly Meredith is finding it harder to breathe, yet she's not sure she cares about ever breathing again considering she's in a complete whirlwind of pleasure.

She clenches around her lover like a vice, she feels so _full_ and _taken._ Derek manages to make her feel complete and whole at the times she feels more empty than ever. They're souls become one and knowing that brings Meredith pure euphoria.

"I love you, too." Derek eventually divulges against her ear, pecking a soft and dainty kiss to her lobe. He thrusts in and out, beginning slowly at first as Meredith realizes he too wants this moment to last for as long as possible. The tips of her fingers stroke his smooth back, trailing upward into his hair; tugging and clutching as he makes her moan and whimper with pleasure and happiness.

Derek makes love to her so wonderfully and he fulfills his earlier statement by loving her wholeheartedly. Meredith's 'used to be personal vibrator', is now the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. The man she hopes to grow old with and live until they're one-hundred and ten.

She's unsure of many things in her life, though loving him forever is quite possibly the only thing she knows to be true for a lifetime.

* * *

Meredith rubs a hand down her face once more, making sure the sight before her isn't a dream or hallucination. Her emerald irises blink open, scoping the room intricately once more. The entire living room had been unpacked, _a task she should've completed herself years before when moving into the house._ Somehow she's unsure of how to feel while she speculates it's current state. Meredith's unaware of whether she should be dismayed by the fact Derek had rummaged through her things or rejoiced knowing it's done and over with.

She'd awoken to an empty bed this morning, _alone and naked_ , Derek's body heat unavailable for her personal use. Had he gotten up in the middle of the night to complete the one job he'd given her? She's unsure as she can't recall him leaving the bed the prior evening after their passion filled session of carnal indulgence. Meredith smiles at the memory from last night, the sore feeling between her legs a little reminder of it all though she continues to smile, as it's a _good_ kind of sore.

Her bare feet pad along the hardwood, her eyes squinting at the single picture sitting atop of the mantel. It's a photograph of her from many years before, she couldn't have been older than four or five. Her front tooth is missing and enveloped between her arms is the _Anatomy Jane_ doll. Tears prick at the rims of her eyelids, _sometimes she really hates these stupid pregnancy hormones,_ though she grins, seeing that her entire childhood hadn't been all dark and twisty as she remembered. Meredith didn't want Derek to believe she had always been a damaged freak, in fact she only truly became truly damaged after Finn tried murdering her in the middle of her kitchen.

Meredith's gaze drops to her stomach, it's almost completely flat, but Meredith _knows_ there is something swimming around in her uterus at the moment. Her right hand presses to the lower quadrant of her tummy, her thumb brushing over the cotton of the oversized t-shirt she was wearing. "Hi baby." Meredith is quiet and almost reluctant to speak to her stomach, yet it feels almost _nice_ to be communicating. She wants to be whole and healed for her child. It wouldn't be fair to her baby. And she certainly doesn't want to become her mother either.

"Mere, you're up." A voice calls behind her. She wipes her wet eyes, hoping Derek won't be able to notice there had been tears trickling down her cheeks just moments earlier. Hopefully he will mistake her red rimmed eyes for fatigue.

"Hey." Meredith moves to him, pecking his lips ever so carefully. Her left hand runs down his naked chest, he's so beautifully tussled this morning, and she's relishing it. Derek's normally perfected hair is sticking in all different directions, his eyes are carrying bags the size of milk jugs however, he seems rejuvenated and relaxed to say the least. Plus, he's clad in only a pair of plaid _Polo_ boxers and as a bonus he smells deliciously of coffee. "You cleaned." She adds, kissing him again, though this time with much more force and desire. Considering any caffeinated beverage is off limits during this pregnancy, tangling tongues with Derek's espresso coated cavern is the best she'd get as of now.

"Yeah." He mumbles across her lips, disconnecting their powerful lip lock momentarily. "I couldn't sleep after we had sex and I figured since my mom got in later this afternoon I'd go ahead and get things done. I hope you aren't angry, Mere. You just seemed so peaceful sleeping that I didn't have the heart to wake you up."

Meredith internally cringes hearing once more that today was the day she'd be meeting his mother. Something she'd been so helplessly trying to avoid in the past week since Derek received that phone call. "I'm not mad." She sighs softly, entwining their fingers together as she rocks back and forth on the balls of her heels. "In fact I'm really happy you did it. Thank you." She rewards her man with yet another kiss, this one defeating every one she had ignited with him earlier that morning.

"Mm, you're welcome." He whispers, grasping at her sides with his fingers. His erection is already beginning to poke her belly and arousal begins to pool into the fabric of her panties. "A quickie?" Derek suggests, backing Meredith to the couch. She nods in a feverish way, circling her bare legs around his waist as her back meets the couch cushions.

She has to admit, sex in the morning is far more reviving than coffee.

* * *

Meredith can feel the vomit sifting up her throat, yet she's completely sure it isn't from the baby. In fact Meredith's well aware it's of the fact Derek's mother is about to waltz right through the gate any moment. She's tried her absolute best to hide her fears of meeting Derek's mother from her boyfriend best as possible, though Meredith's sure she isn't that _great_ of an actress. Her stomach is doing full on gymnast routine at this point, and she's not sure how much longer she'll be able to keep the sandwich she devoured an hour earlier from reappearing onto the ground of the SeaTac airport.

Derek's hand becomes present to the small of her back. He strokes slowly and soothingly, somehow it does manage to slow down her nerves, that which in fact felt like a child on steroids combined with a sugar high. "Don't worry." He'd uttered this to her almost a thousand times that morning, though none of the times he'd done it had calmed her in the slightest. In fact it only made Meredith more worrisome of the entire ordeal.

She's well aware of the fact Derek had been engaged before, to some neonatal specialist named Addison Montgomery. Meredith had heard of her a few times before meeting Derek, in fact seeing her once in person at a medical conference in New York a few years back. Meredith felt like _nothing_ compared her, the woman was practically a goddess with her perfectly long legs and that long, beautiful red hair. Just another thing to tack onto her never ending list of insecurities.

The worst part of it all was most definitely the fact she and Derek's relationship had only arisen due to sexual interest. Her stomach coils at the memories of the way she'd treated Derek nearly a year ago. Meredith had been so horrible to the poor guy, _using_ him as if her were worth nothing more than a useless rag. She doesn't want Derek's mother to think of her as her sons midlife crisis, or better yet as the _slut_ he managed to get knocked up and is now stuck with. Meredith's aches to hurl her lunch up, at least that way she won't end up vomiting her nerves all over Derek's mother.

However, it seems she's waited too long as she hears Derek yell, "Ma!" From the distant background. Meredith's eyes focus in on a shorter, stubby woman. Short, silvery hair lines her head and she's dressed in a black pea coat, _what Meredith assumes to be her purse,_ resting along side her hip. A taller woman follows shortly behind. Her lock are also short, though it's the same raven chocolate color Derek's hair is, minus the scarce strands of pepper hued grey lining Derek's tresses. She stands awkwardly by the baggage claim, examining the scene before her eyes. Derek hugs his mother tightly and exchanges a few words she's unable to comprehend with the taller woman. His head snaps back to where Meredith is, locking eyes with her almost instantly. The smile decorating his stubbled cheeks makes her insides gooey and tingling to say the least. She mentally laughs at how this man could make her a puddle of hormones in the middle of an airport.

"Mere." Derek murmurs, plodding closer to Meredith's spot. He grasps her hand, stroking his thumb across the velvet of her skin. "This is my mother, Carolyn Shepherd and that's Nancy, my completely obnoxious older sister." From the corner of her eye she can see Derek throwing _Nancy_ a snarky grin and she gazes at the way his sister rolls her eyes, folding her arms across her chest.

 _Carolyn,_ Derek's mother comes closer, and the smile she'd given Derek the moment she saw him had yet to fade as she made her way over to Meredith. Her heart pounded so loud she could hear the thump pulsating in her ear drums. She swallowed back the bile she'd been managing to hold down for the last hour as the woman approached her.

"Well hello, dear." Carolyn begins, wrapping her arms around Meredith's fragile frame firmly. "You must be the woman that has my son so incredibly smitten." She grins even wider, brushing Meredith's spine quickly with her hand. "It's so incredibly nice to finally meet you."

Meredith nods, a nervous smile stretching along her burning cheeks. She can already tell this experience will be anything but _easy._

* * *

 **Wow! Okay so I'm an awful person. I haven't updated anything in so long and I feel horrible about it. But hey, hopefully this chapter makes up for the lack of updates coming your way. It isn't that I'm no longer inspired or that I'm not interested in MerDer, in fact quite the opposite. I just hadn't had the time to sit and down and write and I just didn't want to publish something half ass if you know what I mean.**

 **What are your feelings on this chapter? I know it may seem sort of filler-ish but I can't lie I myself enjoyed writing it nonetheless. Yes, I know you all are incredibly excited to see mama shepherd meet Meredith and technically she did, though the true adventure doesn't begin until next chapter. I incorporated Nancy because I mean, who wouldn't enjoy a tad bit of Nancy vocalizing her opinion of everything and everyone, right? Also how did you feel about the little MerDer sex scene? I felt like you all deserved that considering I've made you wait a gazillion years for this.**

 **So I want to thank you all, because on Wattpad this story has reached over six thousand views and on it has reached over eleven thousand! What the heck, that's flipping insane?! I didn't think anyone would grow interested in any of my stories so the fact people are actually enjoying makes my heart swell with happiness. Your commitment and feedback inspires me so much and I thank you for that.**

 **Please do me a favor and comment your opinions of the chapter and what you want out of this story. If you have something you'd like to correct me on, fill free as long as it is constructed and if you just want to say how much you love it, do so as well. As much as I love the whole "wow great update!" Comments I'd enjoy just a tad bit more if you all don't mind. Your comments inspire me to continue writing just putting that out there ((;**

 **Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I love you all so much!**


	17. Have a Little Faith Part 1 17

**This story isn't dead! I know, I know, I'm probably the worst updater in the world as of right now and I completely take full responsibility for not having a good excuse for the lack of updates other than the fact that school is kicking my ass. Getting the words down on the screen is honestly so much harder than imaginable. I have tried to post this chapter for the last four days but never could do it. In my defense I don't do anything half ass and I wasn't going to post a shitty chapter after making everyone wait so long.**

 **That being said, this chapter is shorter than I normally do, but the** _ **whole**_ **chapter is nearly 8,000 words which is too long for one chapter. So I've decided to split it into parts, one being I really needed Meredith's POV for the rest of the Shepherd families visit and two like I mentioned it being incredibly long.**

 **The whole thing is around 3,600 words compared to my normal 4,300 to 6,00 worded chapters. But I think any more in this part would have been too much and gave too much away.**

 **I hope you can forgive me for making you all wait so long, I promise summer is coming and updates will be rather frequent than not. Remember to give me thoughts and opinions once you're done reading! Without a further ado I give you the chapter!**

* * *

 _Chapter 17_ _| Have a Little Faith Part 1_

Derek's fingertips constrict around the leather of his steering wheel. Silence permeates the cabin of his Porsche Cayenne, suffocating him like a wool blanket duct taped around his face. Through the corner of his eye, Derek locates his girlfriend sitting rather clutched in the seat parallel to his own. He's cognizant of Meredith's tense position and takes notice of the tight lipped smile stretching awkwardly across her features. Derek knew meeting his mother hadn't been anywhere near the top of her "Must Do" list, albeit he hadn't anticipated Meredith to dress herself in such a phony facade.

His cerulean orbs glance through the rear view mirror, watching idly as his mother and sister Nancy indulge in a colorful conversation using only their eyes. Derek doesn't know if Meredith can see the pair from her seat up front and even if she could, he isn't completely certain she could translate the top secret 'Shepherd Women' language. He chooses the latter option, and wishes to believe the woman he loves doesn't know his family members are judging her like a courtroom brimmed of serial killers.

Derek's hand creeps across dark leather console, unintelligently searching for a frail and narrow hand opposite of his right thigh. He's worrisome that perhaps she's too rigid to realize his digits have voyaged a journey across the Atlantic in search of hers. However, in a split second he feels cool skin entwine with his own and a wave washes him over with an excessive amount of relief. The muscles coiled like leafs on a vine unwind a tad once his thumb begins to dance sloppily along the velvet of Meredith's hand. Subtly, Derek cranes his neck to take a quick glance at Meredith. He watches as her right hand presses to the lower quadrant of her belly, absentmindedly brushing her fingertips across the fabric of her shirt.

He knows spilling the beans about the baby was weighing heavily down on Meredith's mind and he despises the fact all the pressure was haunting her. In truth, Derek was unsure of the reaction his mother would radiate once the cat left the bag. He's sure Nancy won't be too fond of an "adulterous love child" even if in fact their relationship is more solid than most marriages in the United States, he's aware his spawn of a sister will perceive the news as nothing other than that.

"So," an elderly, yet warm tone fills the overbearing quiet. "Meredith, you're an attending at Seattle Grace too?" His chest relaxes as his mother pops a safe question, _for now at least._ Derek's eager to take another peek at Meredith's expression and body Language. The curiosity gnaws at him like a dog to a bone. Though he knows that averting his attention from the road to the woman next to him wouldn't be a particularly intelligent notion.

Another awkward span of silence fills the answer Meredith hadn't verbally produced. "Yes," Derek interrupts. He doesn't intend on the woman he loves to feel pressured for an answer, considering she's yet to make even a simple mumble during this ride. "She's actually the head of general." A proud and unintentional smile stretches along the apple of his cheeks. Even if Meredith had been the best general surgeon at Seattle Grace long before he made his presence there, he still feels a prick of proudness sift across his heart like a badge of honor.

Derek adverts his eyes to the passenger seat once more, and he can clearly decipher his girlfriends expression of relief rather quickly. He wishes she weren't so timid and rather fearful, but he assumes she's never done _this_ before. The whole, meeting the parents thing. Though sometimes he finds himself curious to know whether or not she ever met Finn's folks, but doesn't intend on ever bringing he topic up.

"Well, that's lovely Der." His sister pipes up. He notices the way her arms are enveloped tight around her chest and the snarky undertone of her voice. "Working with the woman you _love,_ just like when you were with Addie." It's that piece of commentary Derek feels his blood begin to scorch.

In all, it was coming whether he be prepared or not. Derek was aware of the fact the Shepherd women were still in a fumbling tizzy over the sudden split between he and his two year fiancée and five year girlfriend. In some ways, he aches to erase the memories of that relationship from his mind permanently. Looking back, it was rather forced and Derek being too wound up in the sparkle and pizazz of his old life back in Manhattan, he'd been to blind to realize it wasn't what _he_ desired. Somehow he feels almost grateful Mark Sloan decided to grind his woman like a cheese grater even if he enjoys giving that man the cold shoulder.

"Can we dismiss the topic of Addison perhaps?" Derek _tries_ keeping the angriness bubbling inside like a witches cauldron at a minimum when reciprocating an answer. Of course he's almost positive at some point during this excursion he's sure to erupt.

"I was just making a comparison, Der. No need to become defensive." Nancy snorts and their eyes lock once Derek takes a glance at the rear view mirror. He can read her rather easily and he knows she's well aware of what makes him tick like a bomb.

"Nancy, dear," his mother interrupts the dwelling dispute with her kind tone and Derek is secretly thankful. The last thing he needed was a war breakout on top of everything else giving Meredith anxiety. "This trip was to learn more about who your brother is currently seeing rather than his past." He wonders if mama Shepherd is being completely sincere with that divulgence, though he isn't sure he cares at this point. If it's keeping his bitch ass of a sister quiet, he's more than compliant with his mothers commentary, truth or not.

"Thanks ma." Derek's tone is softer than he'd intended, but the meaning is all the same. He really was thankful for Carolyn Shepherd at that moment.

* * *

Derek grunts, lifting the suitcases from the trunk of his vehicle, in which he claims must be holding twenty pounds of bricks in each bag. Sweat brushes his hairline and a slew of curses are mumbled beneath his breath as a carry-on clashes to the concrete. His eyes idle a stare to his mother and sisters vicinity whilst they scurry along the driveway of Meredith's home. He takes a mental note of the way she keeps a respectable distance from his family which almost immediately confirms his accusations of his girlfriend being completely horrified of them.

He snaps his head to the blonde beauty, who was absentmindedly twiddling her thumbs in a nervous manner. Derek sets the remaining amounts of luggage down by the trunk of his Porsche, gaiting closer to Meredith. Derek's fingers trail through his curly mane, fondling his way through the thick forest of hair.

"Hey." Derek's tone haggard.

A rush of honey-blonde swirls and a pair of emerald irises fall against cerulean. A smile threatens to cross his flushed cheeks. Even the simplest of glances at his lover sent a rush of chills down his spine. "Hey." She mimics him, her voice fragile.

His thumb caresses the flesh of her cheek, brushing evenly across the freckle dusted skin. "You don't have to be so taut. You know that right?" Derek whispers, now caressing both cheeks with each hand. His head tilts slightly and he shoots his infamous "McDreamy" glance or so he'd been told by Meredith herself it was.

She shrugs and Derek watches whilst her face flushes with heat. "I just want to make a good impression with your mother, Derek." Fear swarms her eyes like a bee hive. His heart constricts as he locks in her expressive look. He'd be willing to devote an eternity to Meredith Grey, however, a lifetime of fright wouldn't be a well spent one, for her at least and he'd never in a million years want to drag her through the trouble.

"What makes you think standing like a statue with a stick up your ass is a good impression, Mere?" Derek snorts, hoping his break of seriousness can loosen the tight tension coiling as the conversation continues forward.

She stares. Not flinching in the slightest. Not even a twitch of the lip. She acquits a sigh of distress, from what he can assume. Her eyes flicker to the left and he follows along for the adventure, immediately finding the destination which in fact wound up to be his sister and mother. The pair seemed to be deep in conversation, throwing glances here and there. Derek's fist curled tight. His toes mimicking. It obvious his mother and sister were hastily scanning every nook and cranny of Meredith's home. They may as well have whipped out a magnifying glass.

Derek restricted his coiling nerves for the moment. An outburst this early on in the visit would be considered rather rash though it didn't dismiss the actuality of it all. No matter _who_ they were, no one was to disrespect his _girlfriend, lover, mother of his unborn child._

"Meredith." He closes the gap between their figures with a step. Cupping his hands across both flushed cheeks. His thumb runs across a splotch of light freckles and he searches for her gaze. His heart flutters once he's found _gold._ "Don't run yourself crazy trying to be perfect for my mother and sister. I love you and I want you to be exactly who you are."

Her gaze unlatches from his. "I'm not the type of girl you bring home to meet the parents." She blurts and her tone is corrupt and rather fragile. "I'm the girl who sits alone in musty bars on Monday nights and inhales bottles of tequila. Not the girl who's in sororities and bakes chocolate chip cookies. I'm not the woman your mom wants you to be with. Not the one who's been knocked up and has more imperfections than a broken mirror."

His heart constricts. How was he supposed to reply? The woman he's so deeply in love with is so petrified by meeting his own flesh and blood that she can't even speak a word without feeling apprehensive. His left hand drifts to the skull of his lovers head. Fingers tangling in thick, wavy honey-gold tresses. His nose brushes the skin of her forehead, resting in between her brows. Lavender permeates his airway and suddenly the world crumbled to a heap. Leaving he and Meredith secluded.

"I love you." His statement simple though brimming in emotion. He hadn't conjured a winded speech of how amazing she was. However, those three words seemed to be enough.

Derek tugs away the way honey drips from a comb. Meredith's hand latches steadily into his own. _Fingers entwining like a woven blanket._ He squeezes a little to hopefully reaffirm her lingering worries.

They pad toward the front porch stairs. Hand in hand.

 _Together._

* * *

"Meredith, this is a beautiful home." Carolyn smiles warmly, a grin only mothers seem to know how to use. They're all settled around the kitchen table. Derek had decided to prepare the meal for their evening together considering the most edible indulgence Meredith had ever made was cereal.

A fork dropped to the ceramic plate, _clink, clank._ Meredith's head rose slowly and Derek watches as his lovers gaze meets his mothers. "Thank you." Meredith said, swallowing the rest of her salad. "It um, was my mothers." Derek's hand pressed to the small of Meredith's back. Soft, red cotton brushes the pads of his fingertips as he stroked the lower quadrant in small rhythmic circles.

"Oh I'm so sorry dear." His mother pipes up, an empathetic expression dances along her facial features. "I had no idea your mother had passed."

Derek's aware of the way Meredith's flesh pales. Her face is particularly solum and his gut curdles with anxiety. She'd mentioned her mother a scarce amount of times, the time he'd first shown up at her front door _\- clad in wine and bottled feelings -_ included. It wasn't hard to piece the jigsaw together she and her mother had an almost obsolete relationship with one another. Meredith had said specifically she wasn't a 'family' girl though he'd beg to differ any day considering their relationship with one another. Albeit, he wants to respect his girlfriend and her wishes.

"Meredith and her mother aren't particularly on speaking terms, ma'." Derek shimmies his way into their conversation, popping in to save his lady in waiting just as she had named him her knight in shining... whatever.

"Oh." She murmurs. "Well, what about your father?"

He notices Meredith's nails digging into the fabric of her chair. Her father abandoned her at the mere age of five. She had just been a little girl. _An innocent child._ He felt rather clutched in that moment. Why was his mother so insistent on being a 'Nosy Nelly' and prying her way like a pair of pliers into Meredith's personal affairs?

Derek stealthily runs his hand along the length of Meredith's thigh. Though this wasn't a sexual encounter, it was affectionate nonetheless. Derek prayed this simple gesture provided his lover with a tad of comfort if nothing else.

"He left. When I was young he left my mother and I." Meredith's hand curled around the fingers stroking her jean clad leg. Derek's motions stopped abruptly as she squeezed him _\- milked away the fears -_ with her own hand. It couldn't have been easy to spill such a private secret. A dark and twisty past to a pair of women she didn't know more than she knew her own father.

Derek never liked alleging over his father either. Not that he and Meredith's situations were remotely the same yet, somehow perfectly in sync with one another. His father had been shot right before his eyes. _He'd only been fifteen._ His life had been taken over the faux Rolex strapped around his left wrist. A frigid chill crept up his spine similar to the way a fox captures its prey _\- slowly, then all at once -_ and he felt himself jerk. His hand squeezed Meredith's as she had done for him, demolishing the hasty memories pouncing around his brain.

"So you're practically an orphan?" Nancy injects herself into the spiraling conversation.

Derek catches the hint of sarcasm lingering against his sisters tone. Sure, it was a given Nancy was harder to find a common ground with than a wild bear. However, she hadn't needed to always be such a bitch. Derek knew there was a slew of resentment sifting through his sister's veins toward him. She'd been rather close with Addison, in fact, Nancy had been the one to introduce the two. Close was an inadequate term to describe the relationship his ex fiancée and sister shared. They were like sisters and in that way, Derek felt a tinge of guilt pluck at his heart strings for dropping Addison.

Although, he doesn't regret for a single minute finding Meredith Grey. Nothing could change the cold hard truth. The actuality being his ex had hopped into bed with his best friend. And as he'd mentioned so many times before, that scenario changed his life _for the better._ The woman holding his hand beneath the table was in fact the love of his life. He knew that now. After spending so many countless months with her, he could clearly decipher the difference between what he had with Addison and what he currently owns with Meredith.

 _He was a changed man. A_ _ **better**_ _man._

"She's not an orphan, Nancy." Derek growls. His eyes pierce into his sisters, knowingly that his orbs are brimmed with rage and anger.

"Der, sweetheart she didn't mean it as an insult." Carolyn says quietly, her expression one he can't quite read.

Nancy snorts and stretches her hand along the tablecloth. Her fingers stroke the fabric of his long sleeved t-shirt. "Come on Derek. It was a silly joke and you're being too broody about it all."

Derek's eyes divert to the direction of his girlfriend. She sits tautly in her chair, one hand gripping the underside of her chair and the other gripping his as if she let go, she might fall and crumble to a puddle of Meredith bits. Her expression is masked by a poker faced facade. She's constricted him so tightly he can vividly see the veins poking their way out against the flesh of her hand. He knows deep down she's screaming a cry of help.

His rage unravels the way a two-liter bottle of soda does whilst mixed with a pack of Mentos. Restricted momentarily before it pops loose. "I'm not being broody Nancy! And it sure as hell was not some silly little joke. This is my girlfriend, Meredith Grey!" Heat plasters to his cheeks, riveting and bubbling against his skin like bacon frying on a pan _sizzle, sizzle._ His had had released itself from the confines of Meredith's. Derek had ridden himself from his personal safety blanket. _His Meredith._ She was a goddamned person, _his_ person for crying out loud. He'd given his sister an inch and she took a flipping mile. Meredith wasn't Addison, but that was just the point. _She wasn't Addison._

"You know what Derek? I've tried really hard to keep my composure with you today but I've had it!" Nancy's hands collide against the wooden table. The pang of her collision echoes through the all too quiet kitchen. Derek's gut roils with nerves, twisting like a pretzel on steroids. "You expect mom and I to just accept this _woman_ into our family like it's no big deal? It's a huge deal Derek! You drop all of us in a hot minute to scurry across the country and meet some slutty mistress who has the personality of a brick! She's said hardly four words to mom and I this entire day and she's supposed to be the woman you _'love'?_ What's going on with you Derek?! A year ago you were getting ready to marry Addison and expand your private practice! Now you're off with a 'midlife crisis whore' out in Seattle as if your past never happened. You have some nerve Derek Christopher Shepherd. Some goddamn nerve!"

Tears threaten to spill from his corneas. His muscles tighten like a screw and his legs shake the way a hurricane hits a small village. Flames lick hues of red across his cheeks and neck resembling somewhat of a ripened tomato. And so he _popped_ just like a soda permeated with Mentos. "Meredith is the love of my life Nancy! What part of that don't you understand? You know for a second I thought that perhaps you'd be a little compassionate about it all but I guess not considering you're still a bitter bitch! Were you blind? Were all of you blind? New York, that practice, Addison they-they were corrupting me. I was playing the roll of someone I wasn't, didn't you see that? Addison sleeping with Mark was a wake up call. Something to pull me out of the water before I drowned. Moving to Seattle has been the most liberating thing I've ever done. Meeting Meredith Grey has changed me and made me a better person! And for the record, she isn't a _slut_ or even a _whore._ She's not my midlife crisis. Meredith is amazing. She's exquisite and intelligent. She's funny and she makes me want to be a better person. She's independent, strong, and when I look at her I want to be alive and vibrant. Can't you see that? Can't you get that she's the person I want to be with until I die? Why can't you get that?"

Derek acquitted a sigh. A lone tear streaked along his stubble during cheek. Perhaps a reminder that he'd succumbed to his sister and mothers hatred. More than less _Nancy's_ hatred. The vicinity fell eerily hushed. Only the sounds of creeks and bustling nature heard, coinciding with Derek's haggard breaths. He stared through blurry tears and wet eyelashes at the picture of his mother and sister. They'd been caught gaping at him like he was a wild money gone insane. _Perhaps he was._ But it didn't matter. Nothing truly mattered in that moment other than the facts he'd laid out only moments earlier.

He shifted his head to the right, fearing he'd find Meredith in a mewling rage, ready to fight. Or a collapsed puddle. Neither would be fond to deal with.

His fears were demolished as soon as his orbs came in contact with the empty chair parallel of him. She'd left. _Ran._ Meredith had told him early on in their relationship she was a runner. That she escaped when things grew tough. Derek hadn't had a true reason to ever worry about that up until this point in time.

Before, he was always sure she'd come frolicking back into his awaiting arms. Now he was worried, scratch that, petrified she was really gone. His heart thumped so hard he could physically hear the consistent pounding in his ear drum. Had he screwed up? Had she scurried away after Nancy's outburst or his? He had a temper and promised to himself to keep it in check when around the woman he loved. But he couldn't contain the raging beast inside tonight. At that moment he couldn't suppress the need, the _ache_ he had to protect Meredith.

There was a real possibility his actions could have just costed him a life time of happiness. A lifetime with Meredith. A lifetime with his unborn child. He really had _fucked_ up. Nothing was more terrifying than the thought of losing Meredith Grey.

Well there certainly was. Actually losing her.

* * *

 **DUN DUN DUN! I left you all off with a cliff hanger, hA! I've done this before a couple of times so why am I even pretending like it's a surprise? I don't know but I hope you're on the edge of your seat! Writing this whole chapter was the biggest struggle for me and I don't even know why. Again, I'm awfully sorry it took so long to get here but it's here so you don't have to murder me just yet (; !**

 **What were your opinions on it all? If you couldn't tell Nancy and Carolyn have been semi judging Meredith through the chapter. Well more Nancy but it's all the same. I had major dejavu writing this because all I could think about was how nervous Meredith was when Derek's mother came to meet her in the show for the first time. Even if in my FanFiction Meredith is tough and can be mean and spiteful, she's still human and worries and resembles a lot of who she is on Grey's Anatomy with a twist of course.**

 **Also, I'm 99% sure Meredith never told Derek her mother had a Alzheimer's in this story and if she did I can't remember. But anyways, it's the reason Derek only assumes Meredith and her mom aren't on speaking terms. He doesn't really know why she never speaks to Ellis, although I'm sure Ellis and Meredith wouldn't be speaking anyway.**

 **I got a ton of love and review for "Little Piece of Me" when I posted the new chapter the other day and I'd be oh so grateful for the same thing here. Truly, those reviews make me want to write more I mean, come on I got this done didn't I? Okay, okay, but really I'd love a review a favorite or anything you've got for me. Seeing your opinions on my writings make me a better writer and they truly just make me happy. I love seeing your love in the comments and review sections so please, send a little for me (:**

 **This authors note is so long and annoying I know, and if you've read it all you deserve a million gold stars! Also, I'm still debating whether or not I'm going to continue "Pick Your Poison" if you haven't read it, read it and let me know your thoughts. If you want me too, I'll certainly have an update ready.**

 **Again, you are all amazing for those who've stuck by me. I love writing for others and making their days brighter. Love you guys!**


	18. Authors Note! Incredibly Important!

Well hi there everyone! Yes, I'm sure this update will most likely set a few people off as it's an authors note and not the long awaited updates I've shoved off for months. I truly don't know where to begin or what to say. I always say things have been hectic which fact they have, but it's no excuse to be gone this long!

My last update was back in June and even longer for other stories I've published. It's not that I don't enjoy MerDer anymore or feel inspiration, it's more so that I've had to somewhat pick and choose what I'm focusing on. I've moved this year and it's been incredibly hectic. I started junior year which may not be huge to some but definitely important for me. I've been somewhat working on another story but I'm definitely on the fence about posting it.

I think a main reason I haven't taken my time to work on new chapters is because of the amount of people I get reading them and reviewing. It sounds selfish which I know and understand. However, it takes so much time to write 3,000 to 5,000 words and only two people comment to review. Reviews are kind of like encouragement. They give us as writers that little boost to continue forward. I know, I hate myself for saying something like this.

Albeit, all these things said, I've come to a conclusion I truly miss writing. In the Grey's Anatomy world currently Derek has been brought up numerous times which almost in my theory indicates he's still a relevant member of this show. I love Derek/Patrick very much and I don't want their legacy to die. MerDer were such an iconic couple and I want that to keep going. I think I may start something new and see how it goes. I've grown and learned so much from when I posted my first story here in January. I know how to develop plots and provide that slow burn that gets everyone hyped for more to come. I want to give back to the MerDer community for all of us who haven't left and are still here.

I'm incredibly aware this authors note is all over the place. Basically this is something I'm asking for all of you to answer to. Would you want new updates? Even if no one replies I'm willing to start a new project and see how it goes from there. I wanted to thank you again for being supportive if you're still here. Your graciousness means everything. Again, I'm so completely sorry for my six month pause but I'm hopeful to start again. I love MerDer and want to continue on publishing stories in honor of them (:


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